RE: Please could you...

[gervase]

<A rather miffed wizard walks in and pulls up a chair>

"Come on you Middies - dont look innocent. I know youve been at our bread rations. You come storming into our keeps, kill everyone on sight and then...then you eat all our bread!!!!!"

It costs us time and effort to make the flour, mix it and bake it. When was the last time you saw a mobile field oven in our borderlands eh???? It comes all the way from the bakers in Ludlow you know. And it really annoys me when you eat the bread. Mitts off!"

" Whats the matter with your own realms bread, cant you bring some with you???? Look, dont try and pretend you dont eat it - Ive seen the crumbs in your beards when we've killed you all. If you want to eat out - find a nice dell in Hibernia and relax - our keeps are not inns for your rest and relaxation."

<the wizard mutters to himslef>

 

[old.Ayam Ganbatte]

We'll strike at your wheat-grinding windmills next, bakerman.

 

[cenestra]

Originally posted by old.Ayam Ganbatte
We'll strike at your wheat-grinding windmills next, bakerman.

LMAO!!

Go Midgard!!

 

[gervase]

"Pah! You will find no such industry in our borderlands - you torched and murdered the occupants of those villages many years ago my Luddite-ic midgardian friend. To stop production you must reach deep into the heart of our realm."

<The wizard smiles>

"This will not happen. I really feel sorry for you - fancy all that granite in your bread - it must really hurt your teeth!"

 

[krill-nyd]

<Troll looks at nice chunky piece of midgardian bread and chews thoughtfully, grinding bits of granite between stony teeth.>

Me not understand strange albion white bread, this got lovely crunchy bits in. What trolls like is those boar things, they delicious roasted over open fire deep in Forest Sauvage.

 

[old.Jeriraa]

Ah yeah! Thats what always happens! It takes you days and nights to sneak into this cursed forest of Sauvage and then some Troll lights a fire and a few minutes later you have to run for your life.
To all our Trolls: Would you please not roast things in the Albion Frontier!?!? At least not if it aint no Albions.

 

[krill-nyd]

<looks puzzled> Me do it to eat nice boar and to find Albions. Me run around all day today and not find any. They must be scared to come to Forest.

But alright, me roast them with lightning next time. Doesn't get the bones cooked right but skin is tastier.

 

[gervase]

<looks on agahst>

"Raw Boar???? RAW BOAR???"

<The wizard goes very beet-root coloured>

"What are you some sort of animals????? Not only do you kill our people you eat our wild animals alive as well - is no creature safe from your warped influence?"

<he gets out a parchment pad and starts scribbling furiously with a pencil>

 

[old.Jeriraa]

See Wizard thats what brought you Albions into trouble...
You think you are so much better than other beings. You call the poor Trolls all sort of things... you treat them like sub-beings. Thats a BIIIIG mistake!
Trolls don't like it if you treat them with words they don't know. Infact they don't know many words so you better let them alone! They are simple people. <Looks scared to Krill.> Uhm... You lnow the word 'simple' do you?

Personally I have nothing against the people of Albion. I just love the wonderfull sound of my arrows piercing fine Albion plate. Kobolds just make this squeeky noise when you shoot them and I am not in the condition to mess with Trolls.

 

[krill-nyd]

Simple? Me understand simple, like the simple sound of big hammer on small albion wizard. Me now got that taste of boar, roasted by Mjollnir, in my mind and going to that albion forest to find one. Me hopes little wizard come to play too. Me show him troll meaning of the word simple.

<looks at hammer and begins to polish it's face>

Maybe me leave some nice granite grain bread for albions. Probably scare them more than big troll in green armour. Me hope Ayam and Jeriraa come too, they can show me this albion bread.

 

[nobrot]

Its not your bread we are after, its your fair haired girlies.. we have to tie em up and stuff... its the only way a 4 foot tall green person with "personal problems" can get any action nowadays.

 

[sharpbits]

A stifled laugh can be heard from the corner to the north-west. The kobold continues grinding his bread, and returns his silent, watchful gaze on the wizard.

 

[gervase]

<The room goes quiet as the conversation pauses..the Wizard looks up...dotting a full stop onto his page and oputting the notepad down>

"Well - I never thought it possible Jerira - a sensible argument from a Midgardian! But I must say - we Albions, we do not think ourselves better than you -WE ARE better than you. With us lies the glory of Arthur! With us lies the sacred sword of Excalibur! Yes..that power almost sets us up above the gods! And through Excalibur we SHALL....!!!!!

<the wizard stops...looks at the well built folk around him and reconsiders his words>

"Your so war like - you Midagrdians - I mean, your after our women, your after our boars - nightly you raid our keeps and eat our rations! What do you expect from us? And as for using Hammers as a weapon - how menial is that? Surely the hammer is the tool of the common laborour! The sword and halbard, I read, are the trademarks of the Albion Warrior."

<The wizard Smiles>

"Please continue about why you and the "Trollish beings"should not be subjected to scorn, as midgard itself seems to bring on it ."

<The wizard picks up his pad and pencil, scratches his chin and looks on expectantly>

"Why dont you eat our cheese rations when you take our keeps and just our bread?"

 

[old.Jeriraa]

Cheese??? <The Huntress looks disgusted> Aint that what you call your rotten milk? Not enough that you actually DRINK milk! No, you wait till it is rotten to EAT it. So you call yerself godlike? I call you pigs!

<Yells at the barkeep> Another ale for me! This cheese talk made me sick.

 

[Raktael]

::The 'average' sized dwarf runs a hand through his beard, and polishes his axe till it's all sparkly, then begins on his bastard sword::

"I prefer to cut ya weeny heads off, and then tick ya on a spit so me troll mateys can have ye for their lunch!"

:uts down axe and walks over to the tall Alby wizzie and kicks him in the shins::

"Take that ye scoundrel!!! Cheese...*holds nose* I wondered what that stench was coming from you...pee-yew..."

::Walks back over to his bench and continues to polish his sword::

 

[krill-nyd]

Eat them!!! Raktael, what silly stories have you been listening to. Some kobold me bet, we trolls never eat albions or hibernians, never never never. All trolls learn this early: we go there and eat their roasted boar, fry up their cats, toungue of green giant. All that lovely. We never eat the albions, they taste disgusting.

<takes long drink of wine to wash the thought away>

 

[gervase]

<With a yelp the Wizard leaps into the air from his chair, his pencil and notpad scattering to the floor>

"What??? You accurs...you vicious vandal you!!!!!!"

<He hops, pain across his face towards the Dwarf>

"What was the point in that? You see - this is why we see you in such bad light - you just go round and do things before you consider the consequances!"

<He hops, in front of the dwarf - and points at him>

"YOU are a marked Man - sorry - DWARF - by my word and the elements of Avalon!!!! ! And whats this about hating cheese????? I bet you eat that most decadent Ice-Paste stuff, the tempratrures just right, oh yes, absolutely freezing in most of your realm to make all sorts of lovely flavours of that terrible Iced dessert............."

<Like all good wizards..he stops hopping and his pain subsides and his eyes glaze over at the thought of some Ice-Paste with Chocoa bean sauce>

 

[gervase]

"BUT NOW!"

<He shouts not giving anyone chance to respond to his insults>

"I will leave you all and bade you as fair a day as your creed will give you! Touch our Boar and you will die, touch our fair ladies and you shall feel our WRATH, but eat our bread and I shall personelly send you a bill!!!

"That will teach you! HA HA HA HAH HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AHAH AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H AH AH AH!"

<He turns, rapidly, with a turn of speed, sweeps his broken pencil up and his dusty notepad, and throws himself out into the chill Midgardian Air>

"I will be back if you touch our Bread rations! Mark my words!"

<and he is gone...................>