Proper JOke Thread 2

[gunner440]

Why were king arthur's days called the dark ages?

- because they had so many knights!



Why do pirates make good sopranos?

- because they are always hitting the high seas


What happens when the dog breaks into the chicken house?

- you get pooched eggs!



What are 30 rabbits in a row marching backwards?

- a receding hareline !



Why is a banana peel like a piano?

- because if you dont c sharp you'll b flat !


LONG JOAK 4 DOES HU KEN REED

A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female."
This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well," she says, "God is both black and white."
This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...
"Is Michael Jackson God?"



der i hup u liked dem

an pls dun giv me da creditz LOL!

dey wer given 2 me by my nefew hu males dem 2 me LOL!

 

[k9awya]

hahah

 

[Coim]

Wow.

Just, wow.

 

[Loxleyhood]

Now what would be funny if Gunz pulled off his face and reveled himself to be Tisme wearing a mask. K9 would have to ask a mod to delete his post.

 

[Dillinja]

The Michael Jackson one was mildly amusing.

 

[k9awya]

reveled himself

either its a spelling mistake or makes no sense at all

oh no not from loxleehud

 

[Nomans Land]

heh liked the other thread better

 

[ST^]

lol ;d

 

[swords]

Wakko Jakko one was good, others were FROMAGE

 

[Vindicator]

They pretty Much all Sucked :0. But I'll try add to the sucky jokes as it seems to be the theme xD

Alternative jokes first

Hmm starting with Michael jackson. Whats the Difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

- Neil Armstrong was the First man on the moon, Michael Jackson rapes Children.

What's Worse than Finding a Worm in your Apple ?

- Being Raped

Oh nuff of them.

2 Fish swim into a big brick wall. 1 fish turns to the Other and says " Dam" ^^

And sure lets top it off with a long Parent Joke.

One Day Little johnny is doin his homework when he realise's he needs help, so off he goes to his dad. Little Johny says to his Dad " I need help Doing my Homework dad, I have to figure out what the difference between Realistically and Potentially and use them in a sentace " So his Father says ok soon I want you to go and ask your mother and sister these questions and then come back to me. So his dad whispers into his ears and off goes little johnny. Little johnny first comes up to his Sister and says " Sis would have sex with Brad Pitt for 1 million pound ?" His Sister in a shocked frenzy says " oh yeah would!" So off he goes to his mother when he ask's " Mother would you have sleep with Richard Gear for 1 million pound?" His mother in a moment of fantasy thought, smiles and says " oh yes I would". Little johnny returns to his father and his father says " so johnny what have you learnt?". Little john smiles steps up to his father and says " Well I learnt that potentially we are sitting on 2 million Pound but Realistically were living with 2 slappers" xDDD


And Just for the Dad's out there!

A boy turns to his mother and says " Is Britney Spears a robot mommy ?" Mother responds " No dear, what makes you say that" Boy Answeres " Because daddy said he'd Love to screw the Arse off her" xD

 

[nakkiel]

A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female."
This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well," she says, "God is both black and white."
This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...
"Is Michael Jackson God?"
!

you visit the hun aswell eh?


A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to
the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've
just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll
have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform
provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You
also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays.
The Salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"

The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"

-------------------------------

If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to
hit him?

* It might be your bicycle

-------------------------------

Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

* Because if it walked it would be mugged

-------------------------------

What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?

* A Burglar

-------------------------------

What do you call a Scouser in a tie?

* The accused

-------------------------------

What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?

* One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.

-------------------------------

What do you say to a scouser in a uniform?

* Big Mac and fries please

-------------------------------

What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night?

* What you looking at?

-------------------------------

What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit?

* The Bride

 

[Loxleyhood]

either its a spelling mistake or makes no sense at all

oh no not from loxleehud

lol, perfect example of your stupid attitude.

 

[Calaen]

ROFL at some of the jokes in this thread.

Scouse jokes are funneh

 

[k9awya]

lol, perfect example of your stupid attitude.

ouch

 

[Bloodaxe_Springskalle]

i would like to know what the hell a Scouse is

 

[Dillinja]

Someone from Liverpool, because everyone from Liverpool is stupid and unemployed.

 

[Nomans Land]

lol Scouser jokes made this thread better

 

['Shy]

Repent is from Liverpool!

 

[nakkiel]

[QUOTE='Shy]Repent is from Liverpool![/QUOTE]

does he have a perm, a 70's porno tache and a shellsuit?

i bet he does

 

[Marc]

Scousers > Everyone else

 

[nakkiel]

Scousers > Everyone else

at selling smack, thieving and having to sign on, yeah

 

[Marc]

at selling smack, thieving and having to sign on, yeah

aye, what whould you do with no scousers to buy yours off?

p.s. Enjoying work?

 

[Gorre]

This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar.

"This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him.
"Oh, really?" the other replies. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gogh, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!" says the first guy.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."
"No way! That's impossible," the guy scoffs.
"Not at all. Take a look," the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "See? It's fun. You should try it," he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "Give it a try. It's a blast," he says.
"Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try," the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10... 20... 30... 40... 50...60...70...80...90... 100 feet and splat -- he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.
After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

 

[Nugusta]

A man walks into a bar...









Ouch