Pointless advice on labels and/or containers

O

old.Japes

Guest
As seen on a Cooler Master fan box:

"For installation & information please visit http://www.coolermaster.com"

Great, so you're telling me I need Internet access, and need to visit your web site to install one of your products? ;)

Anyone got any others?
 
K

kryt

Guest
I saw such advice on a modem box which was "easy to install, especially for those who have never used the Internet or Email before - go to suchandsuch.com for latest updates etc"

Made me chuckle, although im sure nothing beats the sage advice offered by the humble PC Bios

"Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue"
 
B

bodhi

Guest
The one seen on a packet of Tescos Salted Peanuts made me laugh.

"This product may contain nuts"
 
O

old.Japes

Guest
Here's another weird one, from an old BASF 3.5" 10 pack of floppy disks. Be warned, never buy BASF branded media - they're truly shite.

Look:

"By more stringent test criterea 100% error free even under unfavourable operating conditions"

And that's an exact quote!
 
W

Wij

Guest
"Right Hand Cream" may contain Nut Oils.

Just my little joke :D
 
W

Wij

Guest
I made the swear-phrase "Right Hand Cream" up just now. I'm pretty sure it's not in the Viz Profanisaurus. Maybe I should submit it ? :D
 
T

Testin da Cable

Guest
read on a packet of pens:



-this product may contain ink-




now who would have thought?
 
N

nothing

Guest
Everything here is true. This was printed in the Daily Mail last year.
AMUSING LABELS ON CONSUMER PRODUCTS.
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer products. They will no doubt amuse your readers, but please bear in mind that they are for real!
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
4. On an New Zeland insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
5. On a hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING
6. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
7. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING
8. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
9. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE
10. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS
11. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
12. On some Tesco frozen dinners - SERVING SUGGESTION - DEFROST.
:D :D :D :D
 
O

old.SUp3rFM

Guest
A sign on a Brazilian restaurant, in Portugal

"The original brazilian food! Only with Argetinian meat!" :)
 
O

old.Japes

Guest
Mungo:

LOL. Some nice quotes there.. ;) Especially like the Hairdryer quote - I wonder if you fell asleep in bed with a hairdryer, your hair, or possibly the bed linen would eventually catch light? :)

Wij:

That's an original one I've not heard of, and it does sound like something Viz would conjur up :D
 
N

nothing

Guest
Sorta like when my friend was asked to find a left-handed screwdriver innit?
joo know what he said? 'But screwdrivers don't have hands!'
 
X

xenon2000

Guest
Originally posted by Wij
hehe

"M_J in amusing post shocker" :)
Click to expand...

Great.

Now I'd like to see some of his OWN material...
 
O

old.nukleus

Guest
A*L

If searching for replacement hardware after an *experiment* with my rig goes awry, I usually pick up any consumer mag I can find, if only to track down the numbers of D*bs direct or whatever. Any how, most of em' come with Newbie batting ISP cover CD's, with rubbish intructions, including these chestnuts from A*L

Insert the CD ROM in to you Hard Drive, and wait for it to run.
 
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