Pigeons

[.Wilier.]

Anyone who knows me, knows that The Family Wilier lives in the sticks in rural North Lincolnshire and where we live, we seem to be plagued with fecking wood pigeons. I would say there is around 8-10 pairs of the fat gits living in the tree's surrounding our garden (with more coming, since they all seem to have had baby fat gits)

Now normally they arent a problem, hell we had peacocks in the garden when we first bought the place, but recently they seem to have taken to shitting all over the lawn!! I guess pigeons have to poo somewhere, but all over the lawn is causing my children a fair bit of angst, since they seem to step in the crap and then bring it into the conservatory on theyre shoes (or worse, on theyre feet).

So Im afraid the time has come that Im going to have to have a cull (not on the kids Swift) and get rid of the shit machines we call wood pigeons.

Question is, how?

Suggestions on a postcard to the usual address please.

Phil.

 

[Vae]

I suggest you listen to "Poisoning Pigeons in the park" by Tom Lehrer for some ideas

 

[old.Tohtori]

Whatever you do, do it "humane" way. You don't want animal rights people knocking down your door and taking you downtown to pooville.

 

[Chilly]

shoot the fuckers with an air rifle - and bolloxs to humanity, they aren't human.

 

[Ch3tan]

Who you gonna call? Pigeon buster! (Throddy and his air rifle)

 

[Insane]

ive always wondered if the bicarbonate of soda trick worked

a clever trick is to "invite" a bird specialist who happens to have a sparrowhawk round to your house for some "demonstrations" for your "children", since its a natural predator and if they see it "roosting" at your house, they vacate the area pretty sharpish and dont return.

a more fun option is bird scarers, go to AirsoftScotland and pick up a few Dangerzone Mk5 Thunderflash Pyros, they go off with a good crack and scares the crap outta most people as well the obligatory "keep out of reach of children" warning does apply tho, and they should only be used on private land (i.e. no tossing them under cars on main roads )

 

[old.Tohtori]

shoot the fuckers with an air rifle - and bolloxs to humanity, they aren't human.

I'd rather have you then one pigeon shot.

 

[throdgrain]

Ive been shooting for years as some of you may know, and have shot a lot of pigeons in me time, oh gor blimy yes I have. Indeed sometimes I get paid to do it, but thats generally feral pigeons as opposed to the woody variety.
They are actually pretty bloody difficult things to shoot. You might say stupid fat bastards but you go out there with a gun they know what they are up to I promise you.
Anyway, I'd say that was pretty much the option, shoot em or put up with it. If you lived a bit closer Id even come and help you, and for free too If you need any info on buying a gun, just ask, though bear in mind proper ones aint cheap, my current kit for example wasnt short of £500.
If you do get a gun, bear in mind a head shot is the only way to go, particularly for a woody, they are much stronger than thier feral cousins, where an upper body shot sends em off to pigeon heaven damn quick The woody has a crop filled usually with seeds etc that effectively acts like armour plating for the upper chest part, if you shoot one there you are likely to only injure it and it will fly away to die slowly. This is a bad thing ,so please dont do it.
Lastly, they make great eating.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Funny how a slow death is bad and a fast death is good.

And with humans, just the other way around.

"Well atleast you got still two days to live and get your things sorted."

Weird....weird...weird.

 

[.Wilier.]

If you lived a bit closer Id even come and help you, and for free too .

Get your skinny ass up here and help me matey, I'll make it worth your while

(in pies of course)

 

[throdgrain]

Funny how a slow death is bad and a fast death is good.

And with humans, just the other way around.

"Well atleast you got still two days to live and get your things sorted."

Weird....weird...weird.

Well, obviously, because a slow death involves pain and misery, and a fast death involves nothing but the clicking off of a light switch. (Kind of thing).
If you're a vegitarian then probably it would be easier not to read this, if you're one of those people that thinks meat comes in a cellophane wrapper, Ive got news for you mate, it dont.

Willier, Lincolnshire, where the fuck is that m8? (Seriously, whereabouts are you?)

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, obviously, because a slow death involves pain and misery, and a fast death involves nothing but the clicking off of a light switch. (Kind of thing).

Yeah i get that, ofcourse, it's just weird why it's different with humans. Why not flick off the lightswitch with people who are incurable.

Anyways, i eat meat, i know how it gets there, but i still don't have to like animals being killed. I like animals, though soe animals are so made for burgering.

Black and white, tip over with a stick fatbelly on a green field isn't really bestowed with camouflage

 

[itcheh]

Agree with Throddy with the headshot advice - wood pigeons are flying tanks!

 

[anattic]

Who you gonna call? Pigeon buster!

Close...Soooo close...

 

[Lazarus]

tried simply getting a model of a bird of prey (or two) and displaying them in and arounf the garden?

or borrow a few pussy cats.

 

[throdgrain]

Yeah i get that, ofcourse, it's just weird why it's different with humans. Why not flick off the lightswitch with people who are incurable.

Anyways, i eat meat, i know how it gets there, but i still don't have to like animals being killed. I like animals, though soe animals are so made for burgering.

Black and white, tip over with a stick fatbelly on a green field isn't really bestowed with camouflage

Just for the record, I like animals too, and the countryside etc. People think that because we shoot we have some pathological hatred of all things furry and feathery. To be honest, its very much the reverse, I love all these things. Neither do I want to eradicate them all. But they are part of my life, and so it goes on .

 

[old.Tohtori]

Just for the record, I like animals too, and the countryside etc. People think that because we shoot we have some pathological hatred of all things furry and feathery. To be honest, its very much the reverse, I love all these things. Neither do I want to eradicate them all. But they are part of my life, and so it goes on .

Ah. Good in my book.

Can't stand gunhappy wankers who think animals were made to be shot at. That all.

tried simply getting a model of a bird of prey

Don't do that! You'll get rid of the pigeons ofcourse, but have you ever tried removing a herd of geeks from your lawn?!

 

[throdgrain]

Funnily enough all the shooters I know feel exactly the same. We need to preserve this stuff so we can continue to shoot, apart from anything else. The only people I know who are ever intent on rabbit genocide are farmers, and I suppose the reasons there are obvious.
The wankers you get shooting blackbirds with thier fifty quid air rifles are nothing to do with proper insured BASC members, they are , indeed , just wankers breaking the law

 

[.Wilier.]

Hehe, I was only joking Throd, were about 20 miles NorthWest of Lincoln, so about 160 miles from you Id guess.

Ive just managed to borrow a rifle from a mate at work, tele sites with a lazer dot thingy, I'll have a bit of practice on some bottle tops tonight

 

[Tom]

As Throddy says, shoot them. Shooting is bloody good fun, and if you use the correct gun, you get to eat them (if you shoot enough).

 

[Tom]

Ive just managed to borrow a rifle from a mate at work, tele sites with a lazer dot thingy, I'll have a bit of practice on some bottle tops tonight

Stock into your shoulder, right eye closed, left eye on the sight, don't breathe when you pull the trigger.

At least thats how I do it, and it works for me

Can you get your wifey to take some piccies of the whole thing? Should be good for a laugh.

 

[Chilly]

and dont use the fuckin laser when shooting the birds, they will notice and fuck off sharpish

 

[TdC]

get a cat.


because:

-cats are ace
-you knows it

 

[Gumbo]

Stock into your shoulder, right eye closed, left eye on the sight, don't breathe when you pull the trigger.

At least thats how I do it, and it works for me

You left handed then?

As throddy says head shot is the only way with an air rifle on a woodie, they used to call it 'hit or clear miss'. Alternatively if you are in the sticks enough just get a shottie, and roost shoot them in the evenings. Rather less surgical, but far more effective.

I've been shooting and taken 100 woodies in a couple of hours when they were overruning this part of the world. We used many decoys, and a flapper to bring them in, murder one on the ground then take two more with the remaining two rounds in the Remi. We got 15p a bird from the local game merchant, and many beers from the farmer who's entire wheat crop was saved.

I find it funny when people get outraged about this. It's part sport, yes, but the exploding pigeon population is largely down to the decline of birds of prey, brought about by habitat destruction as agriculture intensified. There is no natural balance anymore, there never will be again. The thousand or so birds I helped remove from this area over a 3 or 4 week period would have pretty much made farming impossible, it was turning into a plague of biblical proportions.

This particular action occured probably 10 years or so ago, and hasn't been necessary again since. There is a healthy woodie population round here, but with other initiatives there is also a good Marsh Harrier, Red Kite and Sparrowhawk population too. Trust me, watching a Sparrowhawk take down a woodpigeon on the wing is a truly amazing sight.

 

[Tom]

Whoops I never did get right from left

 

[Maljonic]

Have you tried getting some realistic looking pretend cats and sitting them in the trees; they might be too clever for that I guess, you might have to get animatronic pretend cats, or real cats with a tree bound insentive.