oh dear :(

[TdC]

my gf just phoned me and told me that she won't be coming anywhere near my house untill I clean the place up. telling her "...but I love my dust baby" didn't seem to work for some odd reason, and teh poota bits and other geekishy things I *need* to have close enough to fondle every now and then...

help!!! what must I do?!?!?

 

[old.Tohtori]

my gf just phoned me and told me that she won't be coming anywhere near my house untill I clean the place up. telling her "...but I love my dust baby" didn't seem to work for some odd reason, and teh poota bits and other geekishy things I *need* to have close enough to fondle every now and then...

help!!! what must I do?!?!?

Ask her if she's willing to move away her fluffy pillows from her couch, her n'sync albums from the shelf and her "heatlhy" organic food from her fridge before you rearrange your geeky domain.

 

[Xavier]

a little googling revealed.... this

see, there's nothing the interweb isn't good for

 

[old.Tohtori]

You're hanging out at home in happy sloth, watching "Golden Girls"

Err...no girlfriend troubles for this ga...guy.

 

[TdC]

No, you're not really killing millions of germs. No, you're not really scrubbing anything. You're a slob in a hurry. You don't have time for niceties.

wow, that's me all over :/

 

[.Wilier.]

Without wishing to ignore TdC's problem (tidy up ffs) I like the guides on that women.com paticularly usefull would be Remove common stains .

I can think of a few on these boards that may work on HAHAhAHahahahahhahha...............erm....

 

[TdC]

Do not scrub the shower. Do not mop. Wipe the sink, the fixtures, the mirror, the chrome, the toilet (seat, lid, cover, and base), and get the hell out of there

these people have been watching me!!11

 

[babs]

For this one time, there is no help. For future refernce, everything you dont value, buy disposable. Tile the house from top to bottom, then when cleaning day arrives just take important stuff (PC, Beer) outside, dump a can of petrol in there and burn it clean.

 

[TdC]

ah, that's why I have 30 coffee mugs!!

 

[sibanac]

Do as any good lazy geek would do:
1) shuv all spare pc parts in a room closet,
2) Pay sameone to clean the rest up
3) Tell gf your geek stuff is directly related to your sexdrive (she might call your bluff, but always wurth a try)

 

[Bym]

Tidying quickly is easy peasy; tips from someone who can only stay upright for a few minutes without feeling knackered.....all you need is a dustcloth and polish, some shake n vac, Mr Muscle and a sponge.

1) Pick up all the rubbish you can and bin it, take out the bag, shove all the rest of your things in a 'neat' pile.
2) Wash up quickly and leave it all on the draining rack for good effect. Leave the stuff you can't be bothered to wash yet to 'soak', make sure loads of washing up liquid in the bowl so she can't see what's in there...
3) Mr Muscle your kitchen and bathroom, that stuff can clean anything, and it stinks too.
3) Polish everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE, spray loads of the stuff round so your home reekss of it.
4) Throw tons of Shake n Vac on the floor, and vacuum just those spots and the most dirty areas.

Shake n Vac, polish & Mr Muscle makes your house smell like you have been cleaning all day long, she'll be very impressed cos women usually like 'clean smells', but should take you no more than an hour and no effort really. If I can drag my huge carcass round to do this every day, I'm sure you can

 

[tRoG]

Tell her to bog off.










... Or just tidy up.

 

[TdC]

Tidying quickly is easy peasy; tips from someone who can only stay upright for a few minutes without feeling knackered.....all you need is a dustcloth and polish, some shake n vac, Mr Muscle and a sponge.

1) Pick up all the rubbish you can and bin it, take out the bag, shove all the rest of your things in a 'neat' pile.
2) Wash up quickly and leave it all on the draining rack for good effect. Leave the stuff you can't be bothered to wash yet to 'soak', make sure loads of washing up liquid in the bowl so she can't see what's in there...
3) Mr Muscle your kitchen and bathroom, that stuff can clean anything, and it stinks too.
3) Polish everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE, spray loads of the stuff round so your home reekss of it.
4) Throw tons of Shake n Vac on the floor, and vacuum just those spots and the most dirty areas.

Shake n Vac, polish & Mr Muscle makes your house smell like you have been cleaning all day long, she'll be very impressed cos women usually like 'clean smells', but should take you no more than an hour and no effort really. If I can drag my huge carcass round to do this every day, I'm sure you can

hehe thanks for your tips, I was wondering how 'teh feemail' managed things my gf, you see, somehow cleans her entire flat in under 30 minutes! in 30 minutes I haven't even begun to get my clean0r kit together! everything I actually set out to *clean* becomes a major undertaking (I just spent an hour doing the bathroom) for some reason! perhaps I'm just doing things incorrectly, admittedly I suck at keeping housie, so when I actually do something I throw tonnes of effort into it to compensate.

 

[~Yuckfou~]

Ask her if she's willing to move away her fluffy pillows from her couch, her n'sync albums from the shelf and her "heatlhy" organic food from her fridge before you rearrange your geeky domain.

Only do this if you want a new gf.

[oldgit] Otherwise clean your place up, when you stop living in shit you will feel better for it too.
I thought you were selling your place, if its dirty expect 80% of your price, thats if it sells while dirty. [/oldgit]

 

[Paradroid]

Hmmm, huge difference between clean and tidy.

Anyone see that program a coupla years ago about this? It was about "home cleaning companies" and their (dubious) methods. They just run a cloth around all the visible bits in the house and finished it off with a spray of furnisher polish on a lightbulb. When the lights turned-on the polish evaporates and fills the house with the polish smell - to fool peeps into thinking they've actually been cleaning. And the cloth, which they ran-over the living room/kitchen/bedroom etc etc, was also used in the bathroom (first)...spreading nasty shity germs from the bog to everywhere else in the house!!! From the toilet seat to the kitchen worktop...nice.

Blurgh!

You should be able to "clean" a one bedroom flat in a coupla hours. Unless of course you still have bodies in the bath to deal with...then I'd worry.

Call Mr. Wolf.

 

[itcheh]

Get a new GF who likes dirt and 'puter bits?

 

[Mofo8]

On a related note: What's the worst state anybody's place has ever been in? A good few years ago (in my previous flat) I spent at least a year with the place in a right proper mess. Every single dish, pot and piece of cutlery was piled into the sink, with a variety of interesting fungus stuff growing on them. There were dozens of stinking binbags stacked in the kitchen, leaking "binjuice". My living room was awash with rubbish. Not one square inch of carpet was visible because of the amount of old newspapers, unopened envelopes, piles of books, and various other crap lying all over the place. I'm absolutely serious when I say there where things living under the papers and stuff. Kinda maggoty grub-like larvae things, that crawled for cover when you moved their shelter out the way. I think they may have been larder beetle larvae. I basically lived off food from the local chip shop the whole time. I was suffering from clinical depression at the time though, and being on the funney anti-depressants made me not really care a whole lot about the state of my flat. Cleaning the place up took days, and was only possible with the help of my parents... when I finally got around to asking for their help that is.

My new flat's no spic 'n' span showroom, but I vowed I'd never let my home get into that kind of state again.

 

[TdC]

well, my flat isn't as bad as yours was (.."not far off" the gf yells from bedroom..) but in all honesty it is a bit cluttered and dusty atm. the living room and poota nook mostly, as the kitchen, bathroom, toilet and bedroom are reasonably tidy (bathroom is fing clean atm, as that was my task for the day).
problem being that the living room is most of my house, and some books, various papers, cds and a sun ultra10 workstation (along with some crumbs and dust heh) is indeed taking up space.

thing is, my gf has declared that a clean house equals a fun-place-to-be house. I'm not rightly sure what to make of that (not that I love messes but you know). she tells me that if I come over she quickly cleans the place so it will be "nice" for me...but I'm not sure I understand. I go to see her for her, not the place she lives. is this all some psych lark that I'm just not getting?

 

[JBP|]

Get a new GF who likes dirt and 'puter bits?

this is all very well until things get so bad that your the only whos actually complainging about the mess




solution:

take a week of work, hire a skip and throw everying in it

then hire a cleaner to come in once or twice a week to keep it looking nice

 

[L_Plates]

All i can say TDC is trade her in

 

[amobea]

Nah FS

Just get off yer arse and clean up ya lazy git

Bloody limeys wouldn't know real work if it bit ya on the arse!

 

[TdC]

hello amobea, I was wondering where you had wandered off to

a dutch mate of mine is in Oz atm (for a year if you can believe it), sharing a flat in Sidney with some other blokes. He's looking for work, proper work -not backpacker work, so if you'd happen to know any openings do shout out. He's a very commercial marketeer, with some economics and administration thrown in.

I'm visiting him when he's back in Sidney in december for xmas and new years, and there we're off to kiwiland for a month of trekking about. I'm not sure if we can manage it but if you're about in december I'd like to take you up on that offer to teach me to use a barby properly

AS TO THE CLEANING OF THE HIZOUSE...

well, I've managed to find a cleaner (via my mum, which is good). have to call her tonight. thing is, I want to do everything myself (for some odd and perverse reasons) so I'll be quite busy the coming nights I expect. I've also discovered yet another bad thing about my flat. I have tiles you see. Marble tiles and they are shit. Why? because you have to hoover them, and then mop them. double work :/

 

[Wij]

'nob the missus in a hotel.

sorted !

 

[TdC]

you're not helping

 

[Wij]

*help*

 

[Insane]

when were any of us much help?

i think its all a ruse by her to either move in, or try "stuff" in different "places" in the house

 

[TdC]

hehe you'd be surprised peeps here can help muchly with amazing insights every now and then.

well, that moving-in lark may be just the thing. we've discussed it in the past, but she holds off on the rgument that we'll have constant fighting due to the state of the place. my clever remark that she should do something about it was carefully ignored :/

 

[Will]

...well, that moving-in lark may be just the thing...

But...where am I going to sleep?

 

[TdC]

...on the balcony. duh!! make sure you have a water-proof sleeping bag

 

[Insane]

...on the balcony. duh!! make sure you have a water-proof sleeping bag

then wheres the stalkers supposed to stay?

dont invest in fancy cleaning cloths, a clean sock dipped into soapy water works wonders at cleaning most grime.. just remember to dispose of the sock afterwards in a hazmat suit