NSFW : Channel 4 to televise UK's first 'Masturbate-a-thon'

[cHodAX]

As taken from The Register :

NSFW Not content with dragging the good old US of A straight down to Hell with its public displays of mass masturbatory degeneracy, the San Fran-based Centre for Sex and Culture - organiser of the legendary "Masturbate-a-thon" - will in August travel to London for a similar event in which Brits will be invited to tug the trouser snake and pet the beaver for the benefit of safe sex charities and Channel 4 viewers.

While the news that indie production company Zig Zag will be present in Clerkenwell on August 5 to capture the solo cumfest will come as great relief to C4 schedulers desperate - given the abject failure of Big Brother contestants to engage in live sexual activity for the gratification of the UK's viewing public - for footage of TV wannabes cracking one off for charity, we're pretty certain that Middle England is as we speak preparing to decry the utter collapse of British society to the highest authority: The Daily Mail.

Indeed, the Guardian - which incidentally fails, like the exponent of free love and sexual immorality that it is, to roundly condemn the Masturbate-a-thon - notes that the Mail once declared former Channel 4 top dog Michael Grade "pornographer in chief".

And not without reason. Those of you who can remember the early, heady days of Channel 4 will recall that the first signs of its eventual descent into the squalid mire were already evident. In 1983, some bright spark decided to commission Minipops - the highly-questionable showcase for kids dressed as adults flaunting themselves for the Gary Glitter demographic.

In 1985, the channel broadcast Derek Jarman's homoerotic martyrdom spectacular Sebastiane, whose male full-frontal nudity and comedy Latin dialogue provoked outrage in equal measure.

The rest, as we know, is history: Big Brother (social inadequates failing dismally to indulge in live sexual activity); "Penis week" (getting to grips with the penis, featuring lots and lots of peni); The Tube (remembered for its Jools Holland prime-time "groovy fuckers" scandal); and Jamie's Kitchen (unexpurgated Mockney geezer murdering the word "pukka").

The prosecution rests. The televised Masturbate-a-thon, meanwhile, will form part of a C4 "Wank week". Zig Zag declared in a press release: "This year it's time to bring the event across the pond to see if the great British public can embrace mass public masturbation. It's time to find out if the only things allowed to be stiff in Britain are upper lips."

No, there's another thing that can be stiff in Britain: a fine from the Broadcasting Standards Authority. And if those of you in the Home Counties who are right now writing to David Cameron demanding the return of the birch, the cat o'nine tails and the Tyburn Tree for transgressions of the UK's television guidelines consider this inadequate punishment, what about tying the C4 commissioning editor and Zig Zag producer to a couple of crosses and pumping them full of arrows while naked Roman soldiers pleasure themselves to raise cash for AIDS charities? Now that's what we call TV entertainment.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/18/tv_spectacular/

What are channel 4 thinking?

 

[Ezteq]

omg who'll clean up afterwards????


And now a word from our sponsors!!


remember kids eat regularly to keep up stamina and change hands to avoid carple tunnel syndrome!


this show was brought to you by kleenex

 

[tris-]

i think there maybe something wrong with me, but i cant see why its a big deal.

people wank everyday, all the time. so what - a big group is going to do it and they put it on TV.

if you dont like it then dont watch. its helping charity according to that. its also showing we still have our freedom of expression when it comes to art etc.

but im sure some minority group will complain its against their religion or what ever, and it wont get shown

 

[Ezteq]

hardly a minority group but catholics maybe? lol all be running about singing "every sperm is sacred"

its hardly ideal television material tbh people who want to watch stuff like that have the internet...... *cough* any hoo if they can show autopsies on tv im pretty sure they can show someone partaking in something which is actually very good for you physically and mentally and maybe try and remove the stigma from it.

 

[cHodAX]

Oh come on, primetime mass wanking just isn't acceptable for normal TV, even you can see that Tris

 

[tris-]

no i cant. i dont see a problem with it.

maybe im just more opend minded than the rest

not many people here can deny that they roger them selves when possible.

the thing here is you have a choice. no one is going to force you to turn on ch4, no one is going to force anyone. its not like you pay for ch4 to be there.

hell if it bothers people so much why not untune the tv for the duration. its easier just not to watch it!

in holland they have porn channels running right through the day. you can watch it, or not. there is no inbetween

i dont find most of day time tv acceptable, so i choose not to watch it

 

[Ryuno]

no i cant. i dont see a problem with it.

maybe im just more opend minded than the rest

not many people here can deny that they roger them selves when possible.

the thing here is you have a choice. no one is going to force you to turn on ch4, no one is going to force anyone. its not like you pay for ch4 to be there.

hell if it bothers people so much why not untune the tv for the duration. its easier just not to watch it!

in holland they have porn channels running right through the day. you can watch it, or not. there is no inbetween

i dont find most of day time tv acceptable, so i choose not to watch it

Have to agree with Tris tbh

 

[Chronictank]

Oh come on, primetime mass wanking just isn't acceptable for normal TV, even you can see that Tris

and big brother is acceptable
tbh provided they arent going to show anything too graphic i dont see the harm in it, its not as if tv isnt as low as it can go anyway

 

[Delket]

+Monty Pythonn rep Ez

Not sure how its different to tv sex, though it depends how much they show. Vinegar face is ok, Dribbling truncheons less so.

 

[Elkie]

so is it like we have a wank and give the item to charity?

 

[tris-]

and big brother is acceptable
tbh provided they arent going to show anything too graphic i dont see the harm in it, its not as if tv isnt as low as it can go anyway

even then i dont see a problem. so they show the full frontal jacking off. where is the harm? did you have to watch it? not at all.

and people who turn on it accidentaly. well shit happens. you can turn it over as quick as you turned it on that channel.

oh wait no you cant. people will take a real good look at that minge or cock cumming everywhere and then complain . because people just love to complain

and about kids seeing it. so what? masturbation isnt a frowned on taboo is it? oh yeh it is. because we still have religions in place that say it is. oh well, best get complaining

 

[Ctuchik]

i think there maybe something wrong with me, but i cant see why its a big deal.

people wank everyday, all the time. so what - a big group is going to do it and they put it on TV.

if you dont like it then dont watch. its helping charity according to that. its also showing we still have our freedom of expression when it comes to art etc.

but im sure some minority group will complain its against their religion or what ever, and it wont get shown

not sure it can be called "art" tho.. sex yes, art no.

 

[tris-]

why not art? because modern day culture says so?

 

[Ctuchik]

and big brother is acceptable
tbh provided they arent going to show anything too graphic i dont see the harm in it, its not as if tv isnt as low as it can go anyway

concidering ppl throw shit at eachother in UK television (not acually seen any of it just read it on swedish newspaper) jacking off on tv doesent seem to bad

 

[Ctuchik]

why not art? because modern day culture says so?

well, what is it thats making it art? its art because many ppl do it at the same time?

 

[Samaroon|Terracotta]

i think there maybe something wrong with me, but i cant see why its a big deal.

people wank everyday, all the time. so what - a big group is going to do it and they put it on TV.

if you dont like it then dont watch. its helping charity according to that. its also showing we still have our freedom of expression when it comes to art etc.

but im sure some minority group will complain its against their religion or what ever, and it wont get shown

Lol the art of wanking, whats the thousands of people going to do who participate? Make a sculpture or a messy work of art?

 

[tris-]

chopping a cow in half and putting in plastic is art, why not people jacking off?

art is what ever you want it to be imo

 

[Ezteq]

well i guess with the err materials and erm eergh fluids available they could do something in papier mache?

 

[[slim]]

Tbh its going to be on a par with Eurotrash that used to be on ch4 imo.
But Eurotrash didnt actually show any ejaculation ..

Tits, fannies, cock galore .. but no ejacualtion

 

[Infanity]

hardly a minority group but catholics maybe? lol all be running about singing "every sperm is sacred"

its hardly ideal television material tbh people who want to watch stuff like that have the internet...... *cough* any hoo if they can show autopsies on tv im pretty sure they can show someone partaking in something which is actually very good for you physically and mentally and maybe try and remove the stigma from it.

They're just jealous mary didnt get none with being a virgin n all ;d

 

[Lamp]

C4 are looking to hire someone to come in and clean contestants up. There's one job going for each contestant category. It seems that no one's applied for the female / size 20+/ over 70 years old category. They're paying £200 an hour. Anyone interested ?

 

[Lamp]

Derek & Clive "Ad Nasium"

Check out Derek & Clive "The Horn". Full script here:

http://www.phespirit.info/derekandclive/ad_nauseam_13.htm

 

[Sparx]

thats actually being filmed in my ex girlfriends studio where she works, she told me about this last week.

There will be a man only section, a women only section and a mixed section

LOL

 

[Garok]

Makes a change from ITV which has shown 20 years worth of Wank... hohoho