Dafft
One of Freddy's beloved
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2004
- Messages
- 297
Early Retirement
Due to the current financial situation, management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over the age of 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnal Early)
Persons selected to be RAPE'd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help AFTer retirement). Persons who have been RAPE'd and SHAFT'ed will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPE'd only once, SHAFT'ed twice and SCREW'ed as many times as management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPE'd can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse's) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnal Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFT'ed or SCREW'ed any further by management.
Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives its staff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring it to the attention of your manager - He has been trained to give you as much as SHIT as you can handle.
(PS - This doesnt actually represent my company's retirement policy but hopefully will bring a chuckle or two from some ppl)
