Moving Out of Home

[Damini]

(Taken from mywebsite)


I've had a brainwave, and I'm working on a second book. This one is going to be a light hearted but also informative guide to moving out of home, with such advice as what to do if your Land Lord is Satan, how to use a washing machine, why you should never speak to those people with clip boards, and so on.

I'm going to try to hunt down an Electrician and a Plumber, so they can give advice on How To Not Get Shafted By People Who Know You Don't Have a Clue, and so on.

Other chapter ideas include:

When food attacks: How to tell if your food is going to kill you.

Why do I smell so bad? Common errors with washing machines.

Hang Over or Brain Tumour? The fun of self diagnosis.

My landlord showed me his willy, and other social issues.

Selling your kidneys on e-bay, and other ways to improve your finances.


Basically wondering if anyone here has any horror stories about renting, or any stupid things they didn't get when they moved out -

For the first six months in my first off campus house I put the washing powder in the wrong section, so I was just making my clothes damp and then drying them again, and wondering why I smelt like soggy tramp

- Then I would love to hear it.

 

[caLLous]

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.

Don't have time at the moment Lou, but I'll put some of it down after work.

(you know most of it anyway )

 

[Munkey-]

Most recent move was quite strange. Firstly our removal company underestimated the amount of stuff we had, by about two containers.

Then the removal company contracted out ANOTHER removal company to pack our stuff, choosing one we had been considering.

Then we discovered they only had 2 guys to pack our house in one day, and this was a big fuck off house.

so basicly, dont move with Transeuro (or whatever they be called)

 

[caLLous]

I'll bear that in mind next time I move to Qatar.

 

[raw]

I recently moved out from home (hence my spell of not being here) and it all went according to plan!!

If you want sommat doing do it yourself.. as i did

 

[throdgrain]

This house we agreed to move in at 11.00 am. We arrived in vans etc .
The occupants were watching telly.
Yes, they were. Nothing packed.
In the end me and my friends got most of their stuff and "helped " them move out, mostly by throwing it out the front door.
A friend of mine moved into a house, the mother of the leaving family moved but the daughter wouldnt go ! She was a bit mental, and ended up ringing the police accusing my mate of sticking pins in her cats eyes for some reason.
He had to share the house with her for 3 days and nights before she left.

 

[raw]

heh he should have just given her a crack and sat her ass out on the front garden.

 

[Summo]

Which language is this?

 

[Wij]

hehe @ sig

 

[throdgrain]

She called the police about him, moving into his own house ffs!
Another mate had a house move to devon. When he go there , similar thing, the son and his friends had "occupied" the house. It was a council house exchange btw.
He went down to the local hardware shop, and bought 2 sledgehammers. On returning , he took out the front door and walked into the house, looked about and said, get the fuck out of my house.
They called the police ,amid much screaming etc, and he had a restriction order on him banning his presence within so many feet of the front door.
Classic :/

 

[Xtro]

Unfortunately I've lived in about 30-35 different majestic rented shitholes in the last 8 yrs (ok now though ).

I've had everything from housemates who drink their own piss, mass fisticuffs over a game of Risk (actual line - "I did NOT FUCKING INVADE KAMCHATKA BECAUSE YOU GOT WEED IN THE MARGARINE YOU CUNT!") to being woken up to the sound of two female German students going down on each other..in my room (I woke up and they were on the floor of my room).

I've had nice landlords, stupid ones, bastards, greedy fuckers, the lot tbh.

I think the 2 worst incidents were :

a) took day off work, wake up to see the landlord stood over me drooling. I get up and shout WTF? He has his fly undone. Needless to say I didnt offer to pay the rent by "other means" and I went nuts and kicked the fucker out. Moved out sharpish.

b) Went away for 3 months cos of work. Came back to find the fuckers I lived with hadn't done any washing up since and were now eating their meals off trays and pizza boxes instead of plates ffs . Just when I thought that was bad I opened up the cutlery draw - someone had puked over all the cutlery and then shut the draw back. I blew my top, made even worse when I found out the puke had been there for 5 days.

One of the best incidents was being on acid and we were all playing golf with Jack Nicklaus and farm animals though. Oh aye and living with 2 nurses isnt so bad either, especially when they had a party for their Christian nurse friends and one of the lads I lived with filled the punch up with strained magic mushrooms. Oh dear, strange night watching these repressed christians suddenly get the giggles and go barmy. I was mad with the kid I lived with at the time but looking back it was funny as FUCK

 

[caLLous]

Originally posted by Xtro
...mass fisticuffs over a game of Risk (actual line - "I did NOT FUCKING INVADE KAMCHATKA BECAUSE YOU GOT WEED IN THE MARGARINE YOU CUNT!")

Hehehehe, that's funny as fuck.

*** WARNING - EXTREME IRRELEVANCE FOLLOWS ***

I've pissed off five out of five landlords in Plymouth so far. From incompetance on their part to them just generally being eminently rip-offable. I'm not a thief, but if a landlord doesn't ask me for money, I'm not going to pay it, unless I've previously set up a Direct Debit or somthing.

Another house we used as a fuckhole. From people sleeping in the corridors to cleaning the kitchen by dropping plates covered in x-week old vindalu out of the window.

And the bin (I say bin, you could also call it "the corner of the room") in the kitchen was getting dangerously high, and the curtain was brushing the top. So, instead of emptying the bin, we removed the bottom 6 inches of the curtain with the aid of a bread knife.

We saw a fucked up old mini parked outside the lounge window for like, 4 or 5 months. So one night on the way home from the pub, we were all a bit pissed ("Yeah, that fucking mini's gonna get it" or "That fucking mini called your mum a slag, Mark. ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THAT?!?") and decided that we were going to put the mini on it's roof. We tried. but we fucked it up and forgot to allow for the width of the roof when turning it over - the car ended up on it's side with the roof touching the wall. :\

So the landlord came out the next day and pushed it back onto it's wheels... and just left it there.. So, that evening, on the way home from the pub (fear the implication that alcohol = violence) we had another go. This time, we bumped it into the road a bit beforehand, and got it all the way onto it's roof this time. The mini was parked - perfectly aligned with the curb - on it's roof. We all patted ourselves on the back (we'd even had the audacity to ask some passers-by for help - they were more than useful, least of all for informing us that police were driving past the road we were on) and went inside. Apart from Mark, who thought it would be funny to get in the upside-down mini. I saw him - and watched, laughing - open the door to get in. Whereupon the a-frame buckled and it's fucking lucky he didn't.

We went to bed to be woken up about an hour later by blue lights flashing through the window. Someone had called the fire brigade and the police were there too. They took it away so we didn't have a chance to see our masterpiece in daylight. :<

Then there was the time when we went down the stairs in a wardrobe (completely eradicating the bottom step - which we fixed with a bit off of a friend's car stereo, some baked bean tin lids and a couple of nails. You could always hear people bounding down the stairs and then jumping to avoid the bottom one :>), or emptied the paddling pool full of baked beans (don't even ask) in the toilet in the downstairs bathroom.

Fuck

I just realised that I've been sitting here for about 20 minutes reminiscing about all this bollocks and it's not even relevant to the topic. :<<

Oh well, I'm fucked if I'm going to delete it now, enjoy the read if you can be bothered (sorry, I ramble like fuck when I get carried away :\).

 

[raw]

Originally posted by Xtro


a) took day off work, wake up to see the landlord stood over me drooling. I get up and shout WTF? He has his fly undone. Needless to say I didnt offer to pay the rent by "other means" and I went nuts and kicked the fucker out. Moved out sharpish.

Heh did you have to wipe your face when you woke up?

 

[caLLous]

So that was... when you left your parents' house Xtro?

 

[Xtro]

hr hr hr

 

[Summo]

Callous wins.

 

[xane]

How to use a washing machine, by xane.

(a) buy a house close to your Mum/Older Sister.
(b) go to visit her every Sunday
(c) take washing
(d) under no circumstances buy a washing machine.

 

[Munkey-]

thats my sisters strategy.

works suprisingly well.

 

[Sar]

Originally posted by raw
I recently moved out from home (hence my spell of not being here) and it all went according to plan!!

If you want sommat doing do it yourself.. as i did

Ditto. Recently moved in with the gf (hence my spell offline recently), and moved all my stuff myself. Far easier and less risky.