Matthew Kelly...

S

SilverHood

Guest
mkelly.jpg
 
S

SilverHood

Guest
What's the difference between greyhound racing and Matthew Kelly?
The greyhounds wait for the hare.

What is the worst thing about being Matthew Kelly?
You have to go to bed before 7.00



How do you know when it is bedtime at the Kelly residence?
When the big hand touches the small hand



Have you heard about Matthew Kelly's New Book?
It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing



Matthew Kelly is sitting in his living room surfing the internet on
his laptop.
All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his wife storms through.
She screams, "You fcuking Asshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, Matthew flips off the computer and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the missus furiously packing a suitcase.
He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you, and that you're a pedophile!"
Matthew responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for an 8 year old."


Have you heard? Matthew Kelly has pulled out of Children In Need...


Matthew Kelly is off to Florida on holiday this year
He's going to Tampa with the kids.


What was Matthew Kellys defence in court.
He was only kidding.

Matthew Kelly and his wife are in Blockbuster to hire a video for the evening. Mr. Kelly's missus asks him what he wants to watch. He says
"How about we get Aladdin ?". His girlfriend says........
"Can't we just get a video, you're in enough trouble already."

Apparently Matthew Kelly thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.

The similarity between Matthew Kelly, Gary Glitter and whisky?
They both come in small tots.


Whats the difference between Mathew Kelly and acne?
Acne doesnt come on a boys face until he's atleast 13!


What do you do if Matthew Kelly is drowning?
Throw him a buoy!

Why was Matthew Kelly spotted at Marks & Sparks?
He heard boys pants were half-off!

What did the lady say to Matthew Kelly at the beach?
"Excuse me, you're in my son"


Matthew Kellys Lawyer is talking to him in the cells at the Old Bailey just after he has been found guilty on 26 charges of pedophilia."Alright. You got 4 months but look on the bright side. You'll be out in time for half term"
 
M

Murcalumis

Guest
It can't be all bad for Mr. Kelly. Surely when all this blows over, he can start his spin-off series 'Stars in their thighs'?
 
P

Pixie.Pebr

Guest
Funny this.

It's always the bloke who did it that get the attention.
I'd be more interested in knowing the kids he fucked are taken care of properly, so that hopefully they'll be able to lead a somewhat normal life without munching pills to be able to get up in the morning.

That guy deserves a castration and that people forget about him, not a gazillion jokes.

http://www.ecpat.com/eng/index.asp
 
S

SFXman

Guest
Originally posted by old.Gombur Glodson
IBTL!
Click to expand...
lol, still being anti-tilda-as-a-mod :)
Never seen IBTL on the OT forum before, tilda must be over-locking :eek6:
 
B

BubbleCDR

Guest
Originally posted by SilverHood
What's the difference between greyhound racing and Matthew Kelly?
The greyhounds wait for the hare.

What is the worst thing about being Matthew Kelly?
You have to go to bed before 7.00



How do you know when it is bedtime at the Kelly residence?
When the big hand touches the small hand



Have you heard about Matthew Kelly's New Book?
It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing



Matthew Kelly is sitting in his living room surfing the internet on
his laptop.
All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his wife storms through.
She screams, "You fcuking Asshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, Matthew flips off the computer and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the missus furiously packing a suitcase.
He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you, and that you're a pedophile!"
Matthew responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for an 8 year old."


Have you heard? Matthew Kelly has pulled out of Children In Need...


Matthew Kelly is off to Florida on holiday this year
He's going to Tampa with the kids.


What was Matthew Kellys defence in court.
He was only kidding.

Matthew Kelly and his wife are in Blockbuster to hire a video for the evening. Mr. Kelly's missus asks him what he wants to watch. He says
"How about we get Aladdin ?". His girlfriend says........
"Can't we just get a video, you're in enough trouble already."

Apparently Matthew Kelly thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.

The similarity between Matthew Kelly, Gary Glitter and whisky?
They both come in small tots.


Whats the difference between Mathew Kelly and acne?
Acne doesnt come on a boys face until he's atleast 13!


What do you do if Matthew Kelly is drowning?
Throw him a buoy!

Why was Matthew Kelly spotted at Marks & Sparks?
He heard boys pants were half-off!

What did the lady say to Matthew Kelly at the beach?
"Excuse me, you're in my son"


Matthew Kellys Lawyer is talking to him in the cells at the Old Bailey just after he has been found guilty on 26 charges of pedophilia."Alright. You got 4 months but look on the bright side. You'll be out in time for half term"
Click to expand...

Soulsdoorway is right... you ARE WEIRD
lol good jokes... maybe you should open a Not-Funny jokes shop? :):)
 
O

old.Gombur Glodson

Guest
/em gives Bubbles his daily injection
There you go fucknuts.
 
O

old.tRoG

Guest
Originally posted by old.tRoG
*Starts campaign to get the legal age for drinking caffeine raised to 7*
Click to expand...

[EDIT: Edited for the spell-check fairy]
 
O

old.tRoG

Guest
Damned exceptions :p

English is such a complicated language. Must remind myself to cause it's downfall and the swift uprisal of Gaelic.

Yes, that shall be nice.
 
U

Uncle Sick(tm)

Guest
Down with them damn Sassenachs!!
*dons honorary kilt and smears blue war paint all over his face*

Wait..
 
S

SFXman

Guest
Don't they speak gaelic in Ireland as well? Well at least they studied some irish language when I lived there some years back.
 
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