Marriage

[Kobold]

DIFFERENT TYPES OF MATH

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married
men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no
use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a
woman * before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me
in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.

 

[Calere]

LOL

 

[Tyka]

rofl that was funny

 

[old.Thalion]

Lol Kobby That was funny

 

[Danya]

Especially liked that last bit.

 

[Chameleon]

Originally posted by old.Eternal[EW]
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married
men are a lot more willing to die.

ROFLMAO!!!

 

[Weeping Willow]

Hehe. Loved that one, made me wake up during the morning in school

 

[old.Odysseus]

Remind me never to get married.

 

[Cowled]

Hey women aren't that bad

 

[Treson]

Originally posted by old.Eternal[EW]
DIFFERENT TYPES OF MATH
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me
in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.

LOL, i gotta try this thx for the tip !

 

[Feldegast]

lmao

 

[Keri]

Originally posted by old.Eternal[EW]
DIFFERENT TYPES OF MATH
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me
in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.

I've seen that one before, but can't remember where it originated. Where did you find it?

 

[ulac]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
We need = I want.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
You're so .... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

 

[ulac]

MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now.
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the
next ten minutes.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then
I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.