Know any good jokes?

[old.Pure Science]

just got this one in an e-mail:

A woman goes into Walmart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!" The clerk, not knowing what to do, went to get the store manager. The manager comes up to the woman and asks if he can help her. She explains that she would like a refund because the toaster she bought doesn't work. He replies by telling her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!" The store manager says to her "why are you saying that?" The woman replies, "Because I like to have my breasts grabbed when I'm getting fucked!"

 

[old.frankie]

classic
more plz more !!!
umm chocolate, love it
ok heres mine ( from the sun )
bloke joke
do you agree with clubs for men ?

yes, but i try to reason with them first.

not the bloke joke

whats the difference between a sewing machine and a womman running.

the sewing machine only hhas 1 bobbin

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DR_FRANKENSTIEN

 

[old.Billy]

1.
Why did the condom fly across the room?
Cos it was pissed off.

2.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hang onto your nuts, this is one hell of a blowjob.

 

[old.s@xon]

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they
are THE seven
dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey
leads the pack.

"Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for
you?" Dopey asks,

"Excuse me, your Excellency, but are there any dwarf
nuns in Rome?" The
Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for
a moment and
answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."


In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns
around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey
turns back, "Your
Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and
then answers, "No,
Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into
laughter. Once again,
Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry
glare. Dopey turns
back and says,"Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns
anywhere in the
world?

"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere
in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and
laughing, pouncing
the floor,tears rolling down their cheeks as they
begin
chanting..........."Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey
screwed a penguin!".

 

[old.Pure Science]

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your mom.

Q. Why were orgasms invented?

A. So women can moan and enjoy themselves at the same time

 

[old.Pure Science]

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you"

"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some
doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."

"Then next ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your
husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Black that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Blacks and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Blacks the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help.

The Blacks pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us."

"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios..."

 

[old.RepulsioN]

Sherlock holmes and Dr Watson are out camping, its the middle of the night and suddenly Holmes rolls over and gives Dr Watson a prod.

"Dr Watson, look up at the night sky....what does it tell you?"

"Well Holmes, judging by the position of the moon I can tell that it is approximatly 3.15am"

Dr Watson Continues " the alignment of the stars inform me that we are in the spring season, indeed Holmes the slight chill in the air confirms this beyond doubt!" he chuckles and continues.

"the alignment of the main planets shows that we must be in a leap year, and if you compare this to the position of Orions belt we could safely presume, without any other information to hand, that the year is 1847" Dr Watson smiles contently to himself and prompts holmes "Anyway Holmes, pray tell what the the night sky tells you?"


"Some CUNTS nicked our TENT you TWAT!"