just say it...

scorge

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Sep 13, 2004
Messages
2,721
Found this on the guild forum, might be old but made me laugh



Chapter One: Fighters

Armsmen

Armsmen and women are the tin can wearing, damage dealing, primary tanks of Albion. While most spec in sword and shield, others take the brave step and spec in polearms. Polearmsmen spend most of the time telling their group that they are 50 parry, as well as informing their group every time they parry. Sword ‘n board Armsmen tend to be rather bitter after 50 levels of trying to convince group leaders that they are just as good as Paladins because they can actually do damage. As a result, they tend to start their own groups in Emain. Emain is usually full of spam from full groups of armsmen being killed by a single enchanter, then begging the chat group for a Cleric.

Common Quotes:

“Dex/Qui buff please”

“I hate warriors”

“I hate heros”

“I hate the world”

“WTB respec stone so I can go full crossbow”

“I wish I was a Paladin”

“Need Rez”



Paladins

Paladins are the super defensive soup can-wannabes. What with two self armor factor buffs, plate armor, and high shield and parry spec, not much is going to hit a Paladin. They also have an endurance chant which makes them extremely popular in groups. As a result, about half of the overflowing ranks of this pious class are under the age of 10. Despite their incredible abilities, most Paladins are malcontent because they do less melee damage than a 20 scout. Even after hours spent getting better weapons and trying to defeat their strength cap, Paladins still find themselves bitterly standing next to a Cleric with guard on them.

Common Quotes:

“Dex please”

“OMG! That green hunter just outdamaged me”

“Ni”

“I’m already playing end, get closer smart one”

“Damn- took me 10 minutes to take down that healer, I’ll rez you guys in a sec”

“I wish I was an Armsman”

“I wish I could rez Mids for RP’s”

“My bot LD’d while I was soloing that purple, need rez”



Mercenaries

Also known as The Class that Mythic Forgot, Mercenaries are somewhat of a joke. Most thought they were becoming an uber damage dishing bad-boy, since they had TWO WEAPONS! Unfortunately, no one told them that they couldn’t take hits, and would have to be grouped to deal their damage. When they finally found that out, they also discovered them that groups had no use for them, since Armsmen could do better damage and take hits. As a result, most began relying on Prozac and alcohol around level 13. Most Mercenaries rolled Highlanders so they could have patches over one eye, and thus spend about half their time making kilt jokes. To pass the rest of their time, they report to the group how much time is left on their Triple Wield Timers.

Common Quotes:

“OMG! I got died soloing a blue again!”

“Why can’t I turn into a beaver too?”

“What do you mean you want my bot in your group but not me?”

“If he has dirt in his eyes, why can he see me running away?”

“NERF ZERKERS AGAIN!”

“Green lag aggro, need rez”



Reavers

Reavers are a “melee-hybrid,” designed to give Albion a “casting tank, like the Thane in Midgard.” Most Albs dismissed this class, as half of them are bitter ex-Thanes. Once a few Reavers made it to Emain, the general opinion of them changed, and now every Alb has leveled a Reaver to bg3. Unfortunately, most rolled Iconnu because they were short and blue and their manual said it was a good idea. Besides not having any hitpoints, Iconnu have a harder time getting groups than other Reavers because they look like . A Reaver’s goal in life is to uncover a stealther with their pbae chant. Once they do, they will brag about it for weeks, until an ice wizard uncovers five and puts the crying reaver in their place.

Common Quotes:

“Did I tell you about that time last month when I uncovered a hunter?”

“Woot! Interrupted that caster with my DoT, made ‘em hit me with their staff- need heal”

“Crap! That caster resisted my DoT, need heal”

“End please”

“Haha! I blocked a blow for you! Heal me please!”

“Just uncovered a Shadowblade at MF1, need rez”



Chapter Two: Acolytes

Friars

These quarterstaff wielding hybrids often have a difficult time finding their calling. In the early days of the game, they were one of the most feared classes in the game. However, once tanks started going for anything with a robe and a staff, most rerolled Paladins, so that they wouldn’t have to stop fighting to heal. Today most Friars are frustrated because most groups refuse them to get a second Cleric. As a result, they are usually the only healer in their group, and aren’t allowed to fight, leading to anger, frustration, sudden shouts of anger, and extra work for psychiatrists. Some bypass this angst by simply NOT healing, leading to immediate disbanding after a group is wiped.

Common Quotes:

“Why would I have a heal on my hotbar?”

“Of course I let you die. I get RP’s for rezzing you”

“Ping”

“Warden’s get armor. Why don’t I?”

“Haha! I just pwned that nightshade.”

“Why do they ALWAYS go for the Friar? I wasn’t even healing! Need rez”



Clerics

The primary healer and buffer of Albion, there are more 50 Clerics than any other class in the game. Approximately 75% of these are buffbots, and spend their days knitting and telling stories at apk. Most non-bot Clerics are rejuvination spec, and enjoy bragging to each other about how much their spreadheal criticalled for. The few remaining Clerics are either high enhance non-bots, or Smiters. Enhance Clerics usually have self esteem issues, which can only be solved by beating buffbots in duels. Cleric’s also tend to have stress problems, from trying to bring entire groups back from the brink of death before their 16 second mez wears off on the ring of hungry grey pets around them. Smite Clerics are generally shunned, as they prefer nuking to healing. Most Clerics started out smite and respecced, thus leading to occasional fits of bitterness when they see smite Clerics. This bitterness can only be resolved by using their baseline smite, and hitting the random caster for 90 (-130) damage. Unfortunately, the time this takes away from their spreadheal spamming usually ends up in their group dying, and general Cleric hate.

Common Quotes:

“Really? I was fully Smite till 20 too!”

“You just pulled HOW many Inquisitors?”

“Unstealth so I can buff you”

“You are out of range for spreadheal, get back here”

“MEZ IT!”

“ooc”

“oop”

“ooe”

“out of caffeine”

“Damn I love BoF- I’ll be back to rez you guys once they leave”

“Rez the cleric before the scout you idiot”



Chapter Three: Rogues

Infiltrators

These stealthing bad-boys can easily be divided into two groups- those under the age of 10, and middle-aged high realm rank stalkers, who would do anything to get them that tiny edge so that they can beat that one Nightshade. The Infiltrators under the age of ten usually give up around level 9 and create a Paladin. The middle-aged stalkers are constantly on, usually solo at mf1, bragging about every single kill and complaining about every death in /c, /gu, and /as. Most use all three, then go post whatever happened on the VN boards. Despite their dominance in PvP, Infiltrators usually have negative value in PvE, and can be found at the entrance to Avalon City, desperately spamming everyone in the dungeon with lfg tells.

Common Quotes

“Does your group have room for a 49.87234164902 Inf?”

“OMG! That Shadowblade just pwned me! I’m respeccing to Slash!”

“No, I can’t set your ground target, I’m dead”

“OMG! That Nightshade just pwned me! I’m respeccing to Thrust!”

“Woot! Just owned that caster at mf1”

“FG of Mids at mf1, need rez”



Minstrels

This hybrid class appears deceptively simple. After 50 levels of being begged into groups so that they can go afk, most minstrels venture out into Emain for the first time confidently, announcing that they are LFG. Instantly, they are pounced upon by 10 speed-hungry groups. Eventually, most go anon and try to solo Nightshades at MF1, stealthing whenever Alb groups pass by so they don’t get six group invitations. A well designed class, the minstrel has many flaws, among them being their difficulties with charming, which they complain about constantly. Having so many abilities that they aren’t the best at can be very frustrating, many become downer addicts before they even hit 2L0. The goal of most Minstrels is to jump anything from stealth. If it is a grey Valkyn in df, so be it, they will still brag about it constantly until they are pounced upon by speed-hungry groups, and are forced to go anon and silent again.

Common Quotes

“I already have a group, sorry.”

“afk”

“No, I can’t play power song while setting your ground target inside the keep”

“oops! Tried to attack that Troll with my flute”

“Sorry, I was twisting speed, power mez and charm, didn’t have a chance to do heal song”

“afk, stuck to the Cleric”

“anyone need a ground target set? Please? I don’t have 25 stealth for nothing, do I?”

“Meet my pet, a level 200 Glacier Giant named Olaf.”

“Crap! Olaf resisted my charm. Need rez.”



Scouts

The most powerful class in the early days of the game, Scouts were a victim of Mythic’s first ever nerf, and as a result, most rerolled Infiltrators. Those that clung to life even after this nerf were usually clinically insane, and could be found camping Druim Cain, hoping against hope that a solo grey Luri would come out. Having zilch value to PvE groups, a Scout is usually only wanted in PvP groups for their truesight RA. Many groups pick up a Scout at apk, have them truesight mf1, then disband them. Most Scouts are so used to this that they don’t even comment on it. The one saving ability of a Scout is their shield slam. Most Scouts spec high in shield so that they can have long duration shield slams, and thus better running away abilities. Every time they get one off, they brag about it on /c, until a Paladin with 50 shield tells them to stuff it.

Common Quotes

“That green Valewalker just owned me. I want my Mommy!”

“What do you mean I’m out of arrows?”

“Haha! Did you see me slam that Ranger?”

“Of course it’s in view! I can see it can’t I???”

“That Bard just outdamaged me in melee!”

“Legendary Grandmaster Fletcher selling soul for an order!”

“Just because I don’t have truesight isn’t any reason to disband me from the group!”

“Darn it! Thought that Warrior was a Healer. Damn camoflauging wannabes! Need rez.”



Chapter Four: Casters

Sorcerers

Until recently, the Sorcerer was the least popular class in Albion, with the possible exception of the Scout. In one of their few (only?) popular moves, Mythic gave the Sorcerer crack. Immediately everyone started a Sorc, and all the inactive ones came back from the dead. However, within a week, most were sick of every person they passed begging for crack, and gave up. Those that stuck with it discovered why no one liked Sorcs, and were constantly complaining about how they didn’t do any damage. Most Sorcs also deal with extreme jealousy issues with Minstrels, who can charm pets above their level. They complain about this as well. The one bright thing for most Sorcerers are their mezzes. They can and will mez everything in sight, even if they aren’t supposed to. They brag about their mezzes as much as possible, usually while eating dirt because it makes them a primary target.

Common Quotes:

“Yes, I know your crack is fading”

“No, I can’t cure stun”

“Sorry, I was getting a pet, wasn’t there to mez”

“Crack is bad for you, leave me alone”

“Please tell me I imagined you AE DoTting those Hibs”

“S**T! Their Bard resisted my mez. Need rez”



Cabalists

The Dotters extraordinaire of Albion, Cabs consider themselves uber but misunderstood. For one thing, their big ugly Sim’s that are constantly yawning are a turnoff to most groups. Not only do they have a tendency to runoff inside dungeons and come back with 8 purples, they also receive a bit more affection from most Cabalists than is considered normal. Complimenting the pet- maybe. Spamming it with hugs and kisses- insta disband. Most Cabalists also have an obsession with focus pulling. This is a concept that most Albs have yet to grasp. The majority of lvl 30+ cabs have a “heal the pet macro,” and they never hesitate to use it.

Common Quotes:

“Err… would you believe me if I said I didn’t know they were mezzed?”

“My pet is yawning. Let’s move.”

“Look at all their skins erupting in open wounds! Wish you could get RP’s while dead.”

“No! The point of a focus shield is for the tanks NOT to have aggro”

“HEAL THE PET YOU IDIOT!”

“If you rez me quickly, I can still get rp’s from that last DoT!”



Wizards

Wizards are a diverse class. Their personality is deteremined completely by their spec, and most have respecced three times by 50. The main ability of an Earth wizzy is their gtaoe ability, and by god they are going to use it! After 50 levels of being shunned from groups because they weren’t ice, they didn’t come out to Emain to look pretty! Fire wizards are the most popular class for young children. They have the ability to turn an orange to a crispy pile of ash, and brag about it constantly. Unfortunately, most haven’t taken a keyboarding class yet, and spend so much time typing their brags that they don’t have time to get a nuke in in most battles. Ice wizards are the most popular spec, because they can pbae. The second they announce they are lfg in any way, shape or form, four group leaders spam them with tells. This popularity and easy leveling usually goes to their head, so when they discover that they have extremely limited PvP abilities, most respec back to fire.

Common Quotes:

“Can any infs set a ground target for me inside the keep?”

“Can any minstrels set a ground target for me inside the keep?”

“Power song please”

“Crack please”

“Haha! Took that Runie down in one hit!”

“Lost speed, my pbaoe hit the mf1 doors”

“How was he in combat? There was no one near him!”

“Damn Mids won’t stand in a group and let me pbae them- need rez.”



Theurgists

This usually well intentioned, yet rather boring class has any easy time getting groups because of their PBT abilities. Most theurgists hate this ability, because they are expected to do nothing else. They would much rather be using their AoE mez, which, as they constantly point out, is better than a minstrel’s. Whenever they can get this mez to stick, they inform the group so, until someone tells them to shut up and nuke. The nuke is another frustration to most theurgists. They rarely get to use it, because they use all their power with PBT, weapon and haste buffs, and mezzing. However, to make up for all these difficulties, theurgists are given pets that they can send at their enemies, then forget. They love these critters even more than Cabalists love their pets, despite all their complaints about the power cost.

Common Quotes:

“afk”

“I’ll buff in a sec, I’m lop”

“Haha! Did you see me mez all those Hibs?”

“Don’t you think the Air Beings are the cutest lil’ things?”

“afk, I’ll need a power transfer in seven minutes, 13 seconds”

“Eat mez elfies! Crap! Half of them resisted”

“Look at my pets go! Someone rez me so I can get rp’s from them”



Necromancers

This extraordinarily popular class is quickly becoming the most popular one in Albion. Who wouldn’t want to be a freaky little ghost thing with a big red pet that has a flaming sword? Despite their cosmetic issues (most are Iconnu when not in shade form), Necro’s are a much loved class, and often begged to be in groups because of their power transfers. This poses a problem, as many people started Necro’s for their incredible soloing abilitiesAs a result, most “go Minstrel” and go anon, hiding their ugly faces from the world.

Common Quotes:

“yes I know you are lop.”

“What do you mean you couldn’t target the pet? I could!”

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?”

“I know I’m flagged as afk, I do that on purpose.”

“Oops, ran too far away from my pet- need rez” :m00:
 

Marcus75

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 14, 2004
Messages
534
Love the quote that Paladins say, "Ni!", hahaha...laugh so much I start to cry. :D
 

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