Joke.

[old.The McScrooges]

OK, so I'm bored at work, hoping that this thread will generate something to keep me amused....

3 Albs sat at a bar having a pint, a Wizard, Paladin and Friar when a fly lands in each of their drinks.

The Wizard shudders in disgust and pushes away his pint before ordering another one.

The Paladin gently lifts out the fly and revives it before ordering another one.

The Friar takes out the fly and yells "Spit it out you bastard!"

 

[ivan_tribbiani]

******************
****MC DONALDS***
******************

-- Our seasons new : Vodka and Pelmeni <Russian raviolli>

Russian week at McDonalds.

 

[danskmacabre]

Got this in an EMAIL today

> > THE 27 TOP THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK

> > >

> > >1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

> > >2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a f*ck.

> > >3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?

> > >4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

> > >5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

> > >6. Ahhh, I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again.

> > >7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

> > >8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

> > >9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

> > >10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

> > >11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

> > >12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

> > >

> > >13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

> > >14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

> > >15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

> > >16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

> > >17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

> > >18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

> > >19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

> > >20. No, my powers can only be used for good.

> > >21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.

> > >22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.

> > >23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

> > >24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

> > >25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

> > >26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

> > >27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!



> > >Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days

> > >

> > >1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f*cking sunshine?

> > >2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

> > >3. Do I look like a f*cking people person?

> > >4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

> > >5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

> > >6. You! Off my planet!!

> > >7. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of

self-control.

> > >8. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

> > >9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

> > >10. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

> > >11. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

> > >12. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

> > >13. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

> > >14. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

> > >15. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

> > >16. Earth is full, Go home.

> >

 

[SFXman]

A doctor calls one of his patients:
"I think I gave you depression medicine for your diahrea."
Patient:
"I thought so, because I've had shit in my pants for two hours and I am not pissed off at all."

----------------

Warning, might be nasty to read or think about.

How does your girlfriend get you to eat shit?
She wipes forwards.

----------------

This guy goes to a bar and at the counter he notices a glass jar with loads of money inside it so as he is ordering he asks what all that money is for. The bartender points at this horse inside the bar and tells him that the person who can make that horse laugh gets all the cash. So the guy says he will try it out, and gives $5 to the bartender to be put in the jar for the attempt.
The man then walks to the horse and whispers something into its ear. The horse bursts out laughing and the guy gets the jar of money.
He repeats it the next day... again he whispers something into the horses ear and the horse starts laughing again. Naturally he gets the jar of money again.
The guy repeats this a few more times and then one day he walks in and asks if the competition is still on. The bartender says that it isn't because it seemed to easy for the guy. The bartender now said they have a new competition, this time you have to make the horse cry. The jar of money was packed because I mean... who can make a horse cry The guy has a go at it paying the $5 into the jar like every other time. He then walks over and fiddles around a sec after which the horse begins to cry...
Bartender gives him the money but then he asks the guy what on earth did he do to make the horse laugh and cry. The guy says that to make him laugh he said he had a bigger dick than him. Now, to make him cry he proved it.

 

[SFXman]

Why hasn't anyone replied to this great thread anymore