Joke

[old.Billy]

We need a joke to liven thinks up :
Tonto stopped at a spot on the plains and put his ear to the ground and said to the Lone Ranger, "Many Indians have come here." The Lone Ranger marvelling at his skills, asked Tonto how he knew this.
Tonto replied, "cause the ground is very sticky."

Sorry but it was funny when i read it the first time

 

[old.s@xon]

makes up for the england game.

should have been owen/fowler!

 

[old.FingerMagnet]

Yeah Come on England!! Erm

 

[old.FingerMagnet]

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp
to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die.
But, we sorry for you, so we give you one wish a day for three days.
On sundown of third day, you will die. What is first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."
The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and
whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back. The horse takes
off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She
jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The
Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only
think of one thing. "The second day, the chief says, "What your wish
today?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."
The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse
and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets
off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their
heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can
only think of one thing." The last day comes, and the chief says,
"This your last wish, white man. What you want? "The cowboy says, "I
want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The
cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells,
"Read my lips! POSSE, damn it!!"

[This message has been edited by FingerMagnet (edited 08 September 1999).]

 

[old.Billy]

Haha come on england indeed finger. I didn`t know you were so funny.

 

[old.DaButcha]

A man decides to throw a theme party and tells everyone to come as a human emotion.
The party's going well, and a man enters who is painted green and has the letters
'N' and 'V' on his chest.
"What have you come as?" Asks the host.
"I'm green with envy." He replies.
Later a woman comes in dressed in a pink body stocking with a feather boa.
"What are you?" He asks.
"I'm tickled pink." She answers.
Soon after two West Indian guys enter, one with his penis in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis in a pair.
"What are you two?" Enquires the host, a little shocked.
"Well," replied the first man, "I'm fucking disgusted and my friend here has come in despair."

This man is convinced his wife is having an affair when he goes to work, but can't afford a spy camera.
So he decides to buy a parrot to watch.
He goes to the local pet shop.
"Do you have any parrots?" says he.
"Er, well, only one, but..." responds the shopkeeper.
"I'll take it!"
"Slight problem though... it has no legs."
"How does it stay on the perch?"
"Well sir, it has the largest willy you have ever seen, and it wraps it around."
"I'll take it anyway."
The man takes it home and puts it in the hall and goes to work the next day. When he came back he asked the parrot:
"Right, tell me. What happened with my wife?"
"Well, squark, she came in with a man, squark, and they started to kiss, then they went into the front room. Squark."
"Well, that's no good. I'll put you in the front room tommorow."
So he does exactly that, then comes home from work.
"Right, please tell me, what happened?"
"They both, squark, came in, squark, and started kissing, then went to the bedroom."
"Damn. Still no good. I'll put you in my room."
Next day he comes back from work to find the parrot on the floor.
"What happened now?!"
"Well, your wife and the man came in, squark, and started to take each other's
clothes off, then were completely naked."
"Then what?"
"I don't know, squark, I fell off the perch."

A man named Paul goes to the pub with his mates. He's having a good time, but has to go to the toilets.
There he spies a small man, dressed in green, having a pee.
"What are 'ye looking at?" Asks the small man, in an Irish accent.
"What? Oh, sorry, but I could'nt help noticing that you have the largest penis I have ever seen."
"Oh, thanks. Tell 'ye what, do 'ye want one like 'tis?"
"Yes!"
"Well, come into 'te cubicle with me and we'll have some male hoo-haa, if 'ye know what I mean."
He considers this, and finally decides that it is worth it. They get down to business,
and after a while the Irishman says:
"So, what's yer name?"
"Ow! Er, Paul. Ow..."
"Oh right... and how old are 'ye?"
"Ouch, erm, 34."
"Oh really? 34 years old and still believin' leprechauns..."

A woman goes to the gynaecologists to have a problem seen to.
"What is wrong, miss?"
"Well, you see, for the past week, 5ps have been falling out of... you know..."
"Where? Oooh, I see. Take this pills twice a day and you'll be as right as rain."
But the woman comes back a couple of days later.
"Doctor, the pills did'nt work! Now it's 10ps falling out!"
"Oh dear... er, try these instead."
But the woman comes back again.
"Doctor it's getting worse. Now there are 50ps falling out, and they're really big."
"Oh, I see what the problem is. Every woman your age gets this."
"But what is it?!"
"Well..."
"Yes...?"
"Your going through the change!"
BOOM BOOM!

Old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to fetch her dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own