If Star Wars was set in Barnsley....

W

Wilier

Guest
If Star Wars was set in Barnsley...

> *Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Kendray and called Spanner.

*He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport either a Barnsley or England top.

*Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Cocker by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as Wanky-Nobby

*Darth Vader would referred to as 'Elmit Head' or in moments
of stress 'that dome-edded get'

*R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of young kids at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.

*Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from Athersley said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a knacker-faced poof from Sheffield.

*The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Barnsley Chronicle I Love Tarn Army sticker in the back window and a St Georges Cross SUN SUPPORTS OUR BOYS bumper sticker.

*Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5-inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.

*The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be to alter its orbit so it passed through Grimethorpe and tell the locals it was full of Cockneys or leave it unattended in Alhambra car park. Or you could convert it into a huge Takeaway.

*Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-

*Han Solo "I've got a real bad feeling about this" translation: "Am Kackin Missen"

*"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking
around." "Come right art you bastards Al tek ont lotton yer"

*"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid." "Bugger the mumbo - wot tha needs is a chuffin gret crickit bat"

*Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker -"The Force is strong in this one" "Thar allus Laikin abart, theee"

*Princess Leia - "You're a ittle short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?" "Ah dint think they took short-arses in t coppers?"

*"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade." "We nackered in this peece er crap"

*Admiral Motti - "Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader." "You think you're that hard, yer southern get - artside!!"

*Obi Wan - "I felt a great disturbance in the Force." "It's looking black over Bill's Mother's"

*Luke to the Emperor -"Your overconfidence is your weakness." "You think yer really summat, dunt yer"
 
Y

~YuckFou~

Guest
Originally posted by Wilier
*Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5-inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.
:clap:
 
M

mank!

Guest
*chuckle*

I also just noticed...


Wilier
Earther

Registered: May 2001
Location: In a field in Licolnshire
Status: Offline

Licolnshire? is that like Lincolnshire without the n? :)
 
W

Wilier

Guest
Originally posted by mank!
*chuckle*

I also just noticed...



Licolnshire? is that like Lincolnshire without the n? :)

erm, Ive never noticed that :eek:
 
P

projectarnold

Guest
Originally posted by Wilier
If Star Wars was set in Barnsley...


*R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him.


Thats the funniest thing I've read in ages :)
 
M

Mophead

Guest
Originally posted by Wilier
If Star Wars was set in Barnsley...

*Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-

*"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid." "Bugger the mumbo - wot tha needs is a chuffin gret crickit bat"

lol
 
O

old.ignus

Guest
Originally posted by mank!
*chuckle*

I also just noticed...



Licolnshire? is that like Lincolnshire without the n? :)

I'm from Lincolnshire but I've never been to Licolnshire.
 
N

NaveT

Guest
Seems to have been ripped of this one which is years old....

IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW
-------------------------------

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall,
from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but
would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably
sport a Rangers top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by
his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would addess him
as Wanky-Nobby.

Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of
stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd'

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the
number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing
or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at
any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front
of a speeding train/set on fire.

Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to
understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would
regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.

The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and
extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland
sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard
to run very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a tiny
silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps.
And you've been a heavy smoker
since you were 6.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a
desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it
passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks,
or - leave it unattended in
Easterhouse.

Lines from the film as they would be
uttered in the vernacular:-

Han Solo
"I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"

"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
"The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at
your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man.
Get yersel' a decent shooter"

Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' ya wee b*stad!"

Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"

"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"

Admiral Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart
ae you!"

Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"

Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f***ing force
pal!!"
 
T

Testin da Cable

Guest
hehehe both are quite good. I dig the vernacular stuff :)
 

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