idea

[old.venturer01]

idea

 

[luap]

Reply

 

[Testin da Cable]

cross-reference

 

[Mr B]

marketing

 

[old.Quorthon]

seconded

 

[stu]

Solutionise synergistic cost-saving devices and implement joined-up programme deliverables to maximise stakeholder value

thx

 

[Testin da Cable]

/me smacks the buzzworder

 

[bids]

You a consultant Stu- ?

 

[old.frankie]

Minimise workforce genralism using chi-squared rooting, and cost beifit analysis techniques to produce efficient transient working conditions, increasing workforce structuring and therefore total production.




god i hate beurocratic bollocks

sort of stuff you have to read and understand in A level geography now.

 

[Testin da Cable]

I had a little run-in with my boss the other day, he accused me of not being efficient enough as I was letting my usuall standard slip slightly cos I've got waay too much to do. Just to be nice I told him he was a visionless git with no insight into what his loyal forces were actualy doing
It was straight out of 'Dilbert'.
HE:"you're not holding your own tdc."
ME:"go away I'm busy."
HE:"do you feel you need a synergistic boost?"
HE:"i feel that your efficiency is dropping."
ME:"you triple everyone's workload to get everything done in time for the hollidays so i can't delegate/get someone to help out. you won't let me do overtime cos you say i've got too much of that already. when am i supposed to get this done?"
HE:"see? you've practicly admitted you're not thinking ahead and planning efficiently."
ME:"i did?"
HE:"and you're snappy. i'm putting you down for an interactivity seminar."

heh sorry just realized this was an /almost/rant

 

[luap]

Just picture him with blood dripping out of his ears. The result of your l337 railing

 

[Testin da Cable]

LOL

actually I was all for "fragmentation grenade taped to nutsac" but I will consider your input

 

[amobea]

demote secretary to coffee girl

 

[old.Listy]

Give staff pay cuts and selves big pay rises
and make it look as though we do work

 

[old.Quorthon]

provide employees with a big phat LAN and GF Ultra equipped PC's for those boring coffee breaks and lunchtimes?

 

[Testin da Cable]

err no.

Quorthon's proposal torpedo'd by upper-management.

Reason: contra-productive&cost-inefficient

Management promptly orders said component upgrades for themselves.

Reason: with high-powered workstations the level three echelons and above are empowered to a higher synergistic level of competance enabling the co-productivity to rise by approx 3% as stated in techreport aa47.inrtps.doc as circulated to all staff jan. last 1998.

yours,

uppermngt

 

[stu]

Originally posted by bids
You a consultant Stu- ?

Yes basically, an IT Consultant.

And right now it sucks, because I'm supposed to be at my Christmas party.

 

[old.TUG]

You've been 0wned then

 

[old.Quorthon]

To TDC from the Board of Directors


Could uppermgt please explain why they need to run their Microsoft Excel Staff Holidays spreadsheet in OpenGL at 123 gazillion fps please. Techreport aa47.inrtps.doc revision 6(b) dated June 98 specifically states that all additional IT expenditure must be subjected to rigourous cost/benefit analyses that demonstrate clear benefit accruing to the company. Such benefits seem to be absent from the recent upgrade of middle managements Personal Computers. Accordingly, please arrange for those recently upgraded PC's to be swapped for our own 286's we use to send email. In addition, we are thinking of expanding our product lines from Baked Bean manufacture to the design and coding of First Person Shooter personal computer games. In order that we might assess the competition in this area, please ensure that the PC's referred to above are installed with copies of ID Softwares Quake III Arena (with the latest point release) and Unreal Tournament.


Yours,


The Board.

 

[Stazbumpa]

PS: While we're at it could you please fix the coffee machine, as large numbers of staff are beginning to report hair loss and stomach ulcers.

Yours etc etc.

 

[Testin da Cable]

oh well you've caught me. I admit I only wanted to apply a small dosage in the coffeemate but the feccing top came off so what could I do? I'll get a spoon and scrape the residual amfetemine crystals out of the hotwater resevoir.

/me 's chastized

 

[old.[GA] Shovel]

get conned out of all secnd year earnings by phoney Fung Shui "experts".
Recover losses by sacking Frankie.

 

[Testin da Cable]

/me quietly orders 12 1gig TBird/GF ultra workstations for the B of D's.

/me sets up hidden Q3,UT,HL,TF servers throughout the building and upgrades the B of D's network segment to gigabit ethernet.

/me cashes in on favour owed by uunet-techy m8 [got rid of them logfiles for ya dude] and gets free OC-12 link to internet for B of D.

/me writes formal letter apologising to B of D for being a prick.

/me gets large end-of-year bonus and all-expences-paid holliday from the Board of Directors.

 

[old.Davehart]

whats the idea?

 

[old.Morpheus]

To ban GTA.

 

[Testin da Cable]

why did we want to do that again?



/me forgot

 

[old.Quorthon]

er we didnt, we wanted big ph4t lans to play quake all day.


Q

 

[Testin da Cable]

yeah but I seem to remember some idiot trashing that proposal.....

 

[old.Quorthon]

No the proposal wasn't trashed, it was just restricted to the upper echelons. Quit spamming, start working your ass off, and you might get promoted to a level where you can enjoy said ph47 l4/\/



Q

 

[Testin da Cable]

I don't like upper-level management.

can't get it past me that some peeps can speak vaguely to each other for 20 mins in general terms without coming to the point and then go and write a report about it that other peeps will have to live by.

ugh.