"I'd check my pants if I were you..."

Mofo8

Fledgling Freddie
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I just had to share a funny incident that happened at my work the other week. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and one shift was just about to leave. One of the people who was staying (who shall remain nameless), thought he'd show off, and leant slightly to one side on his chair, thinking he'd impress people by letting off a loud fart. There followed a horrible noise like tearing canvas mixed with liquid gurgling and his shocked face turned pale. Somebody joked to him "I'd check my pants if I were you" and he just mumbled. Unfortunately my shift was the one leaving, so we didn't get to see the rest of the adventure played out. It turns out that he had in fact shat his pants... badly. He had to go and bin them and spend 20 minutes cleaning up in the toilet. He then had to wait 2 hours for the cleaner to come in before asking her to sort out the chair. Nasty! I'd have just binned the fucking chair.

The funniest bit of all is that he's been boasting about it ever since... as if shitting your pants at work is something to aspire to. I reckon he just likes the attention. The chair is still in the room and still bears the scars of that day... a horrible brownish stain. Apparently the accident had a watery consistency, and his pants and trousers filtered most of the solids out.

Fucking disgusting, but funny nonetheless.

BTW - I don't work in some kind of absolute shithole. I work for a large newspaper group, in modern office environment.
 

jaba

Fledgling Freddie
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Haha, comedy stuff..I had a friend who did a similar thing..he was drunk and walking home one night and decided that he needed a shite, so squatting down he unleashed the fury..but forgot to pull his kecks down. Idiot :rolleyes:
 

Mofo8

Fledgling Freddie
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jaba said:
Haha, comedy stuff..I had a friend who did a similar thing..he was drunk and walking home one night and decided that he needed a shite, so squatting down he unleashed the fury..but forgot to pull his kecks down. Idiot :rolleyes:
LOL

Being so drunk that the only bit of your brain functioning is the most basic bit at the base of the brain is one of only two good excuses I can think off for shitting yourself in adult life. The other would be having some kind of severe dysentery or something.

The guy at my work claims he had no forewarning... no upset stomach, no worrying gut gurgling or anything. Serves him right for thinking befouling the air with his foul bottom burp would be funny. There were women present FFS.
 

Tom

I am a FH squatter
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I know a guy who had a bad stomach, and came into a friend's hotel room one night holding a turd in a rosette of toilet paper, asking for this friend's opinion on the quality of his shit.

The same guy also got into an argument in a brothel, with a prostitute, because he shot his load before she actually did anything, and she considered her part of the contract fulfilled.
 

Uncle Sick

One of Freddy's beloved
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Tom said:
The same guy also got into an argument in a brothel, with a prostitute, because he shot his load before she actually did anything, and she considered her part of the contract fulfilled.

Did he get his money back? :D
 

Sharma

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Eeeeeheheheh, that didnt half make me giggle Mofo. :D
 

Cyfr

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Hehihehhehhe. I've done that myself, when I was 5 or so tho :p
 

Stimpy

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Cyfr said:
Hehihehhehhe. I've done that myself, when I was 5 or so tho :p
You shot your load over a prostitute at the age of 5, wow now that's starting early :worthy:
 

Cyradix

FH is my second home
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The cleaning lady was just telling (well more like screaming) us she found a turd in the urinal this morning.

I hope they check the logs to see who left the building last yesterday cause I have big money riding on my suspect ;)
 

Mofo8

Fledgling Freddie
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Cyradix said:
The cleaning lady was just telling (well more like screaming) us she found a turd in the urinal this morning.

I hope they check the logs to see who left the building last yesterday cause I have big money riding on my suspect ;)
"check the logs"....... :D
 

xane

Fledgling Freddie
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Mofo8 said:
I work for a large newspaper group, in modern office environment.
It's a pity they don't check what comes out the end of the press is full of shite as well.
 

Mofo8

Fledgling Freddie
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xane said:
It's a pity they don't check what comes out the end of the press is full of shite as well.
Unfortunately I don't work for one of the national groups, who tend to produce utter shite. I work for a local newspaper group (about 16 titles), and our stuff is merely shit. Local shit, but shit nonetheless.

Thankfully I'm not a journo, so I take no responsibility for the crap people read. I work in the production department.
 

Mofo8

Fledgling Freddie
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nath said:
Was it paradroid? :D
If this is a question regarding the shit/pants story, then sadly the answer is no. I've known Paradroid since primary school, and although I know for a fact he's dumped on a public street in adult life (*), he doesn't share a place of employment with me.

If you're asking about the other guy's shit/urinal story, then I can safely answer that that isn't Paradroid either, as the poster lives in Belgium.

* We'll let Paradroid tell that story himself... if he can remember.
 

tRoG

Fledgling Freddie
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There are not many things more hilarious than watching a fully grown adult shit themselves.
Not speaking from personal experience, of course. :eek:
 

granny

Fledgling Freddie
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You know, I've been sat in the office on my own now for about an hour, dying to let a huge fart rip but after reading this thread I daren't.

Just in case....
 

WPKenny

Resident Freddy
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This thread has reminded me of a couple of incidents.

We went on an exchange trip to germany with our school one year and it was decided that we should go to the local swimming pool.

It was only me and this other guy who went in for the exchange, the rest of the students were girls so we became quite chatty with each other.
So anyway, we'd gotten changed and were making our way out to the pool when he stops in his tracks and turns to me saying "oh, I just shit myself".

He dashed off to clean himself up and I, needless to say, made sure the entire pool knew what he'd done before he finally re-emerged. I felt so evil that day.


Another time, the joke was on me. The class nerd was walking past and I yelled to him saying something like "get a load of this" and attempted to fart on him. I didn't realise how liquid the contents of my stomach were but thankfully neither did anyone else so I stood for a minute or two (not daring to sit down) before making out I needed the toilet, like any normal person who HADN'T shit their pants would. I got away with it! But it made me feel more guilty about the swimming pool thing and I was paranoid someone would notice some sort of lingering smell on me for the rest of the day.
 

Lazarus

Part of the furniture
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WPKenny said:
I was paranoid someone would notice some sort of DIFFERENT lingering smell on me for the rest of the day.
fixed the last part for you WPK
 

Paradroid

Fledgling Freddie
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Mofo8 said:
If this is a question regarding the shit/pants story, then sadly the answer is no. I've known Paradroid since primary school, and although I know for a fact he's dumped on a public street in adult life (*), he doesn't share a place of employment with me.

If you're asking about the other guy's shit/urinal story, then I can safely answer that that isn't Paradroid either, as the poster lives in Belgium.

* We'll let Paradroid tell that story himself... if he can remember.

heh, that's a secret to all but my dear wife and a thousand Turkish whores!
erm, and Drunken Cowboy, who led me to that chippy where I bought, then devoured, those cheesy chips! (the suspected catalyst in my midnight-highstreet log-letting ritual)

However, I must stress that even within my alcohol-soaked reptilian-regression-session, I still remembered to properly operate me trousers! No shit in my pants thank you very much! A clean delivery all round, nicely executed under pressure.

:D
 

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