G
gengi
Guest
this is one of the funniest lists I have ever seen, funnier than the fix this in my house list, funnier than the bumper sticker list(s) not as good to look at as the t-shirt list pics.
Real things written down by medical staff about patients.
More Actual Medical Records
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and
he
was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over
a
year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
had
completely disappeared.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me
in
1993.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and
then, he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to
the floor.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get
Dr.
Smith to dispose of him.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three
days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of
breath with picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having
sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you
would like to work her up.
Skin: somewhat pale but present.
Admitted in error.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Jones, who felt that we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
Later
Real things written down by medical staff about patients.
More Actual Medical Records
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and
he
was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over
a
year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
had
completely disappeared.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me
in
1993.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and
then, he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to
the floor.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get
Dr.
Smith to dispose of him.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three
days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of
breath with picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having
sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you
would like to work her up.
Skin: somewhat pale but present.
Admitted in error.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Jones, who felt that we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
Later