How to get paranoid, very quickly

[Tom]

1) Arrive home after 5 days away
2) Play with cats
3) Turn computer on
4) Discover 2 fleas on hand
5) Go into bedroom to study phenonemom
6) Discover 34 billion fleas on rug
7) Throw rug and everything remotely fur-like into bath of boiling water
8) Nuke site from orbit with fly spray
9) Determine to buy 'nuke-a-flea' spray for cats tomorrow
10) Wonder where to sleep tonight

 

[Wij]

Isn't your cat on Programme ?

 

[Tom]

Flea collars only.

 

[Damini]

Front Line. Can't beat it. Ahh, those fond childhood memories of a glass of water by the sink, swirling with drowning fleas like a macabre version of a lava lamp, before the invent of front line.

 

[Cyfr]

I would just chuck them in the toilet or on the fire, such a violent child you were, Damini

 

[Tom]

I have drawn up a battle-plan.

Tomorrow, I'll chuck everything fabric in the washing machine on full heat
Then I'll nip off to Tescos and buy everything flea-related
Then I'll hoover the place up
Then I'll spray the cats with chemicals, and shove pills down their throats
Then I'll climb naked onto the roof, armed with a mop, and scream my mastery across the street

 

[Damini]

I think you can only get frontline from vets. I might be wrong, but I doubt you'll get it at tesco.

The best thing is when you sleepily step out of bed, all warm and ruffled, and begin to wander downstairs... you glance down at your feet, and see that breakfast has started without you, and many fleas are feasting on you. Such joy.

Flea sprays are crap. Flea powder is crapper. Flea collars only really work if you're the one wearing one (and dahling, that's *so* not a good look if you're on the dating scene). Get something properly toxic.

 

[Jonaldo]

Be one with the fleas, BECOME THE FLEA!

 

[Cyfr]

Well *ehem* My gran buys flea stuff for her dog and it's like £20 a pack from vets, stuff that works just as well is a hell of a lot cheaper from the local pet shop, I assume it's the same situation with cats..

 

[Wij]

Pet stuff from supermarkets is shit. GO TO TEH VETS! !!

 

[Tilda]

My father tells a story often of his first house he brought with my mum. It was flea infested, and they couldnt afford/didnt want to spray the place with chemicals. So the story goes, my father would walk about the house in shorts and bare feet collecting fleas, and then he'd go and stand in a bath full of disinfectant. Apparently this got rid of them fairly well.*

Tilda

*The fact they had no animals may have influenced this.

 

[throdgrain]

I have drawn up a battle-plan.

Tomorrow, I'll chuck everything fabric in the washing machine on full heat
Then I'll nip off to Tescos and buy everything flea-related
Then I'll hoover the place up
Then I'll spray the cats with chemicals, and shove pills down their throats
Then I'll climb naked onto the roof, armed with a mop, and scream my mastery across the street

Seriously, Ive had dogs all my life. Forget all that bollocks you've just said. Go to the vets, get some frontline spray, it will be fixed.

 

[~Yuckfou~]

You will also need to repeat the process in 1 month, eggs will have been laid. Make sure you get right in the edges/corners of carpeted rooms. Our cat likes to play with the chav cats, bastard :/
Best stuff we've found is some drop that go on the back of the cats neck, he hates them but it works, from the vet.

 

[pcg79]

our cat hates those neck drops too but theyre good. u can get them from tesco too.

 

[Bym]

Electrocute them with one of those special flea combs from pet shops and Argos, very therapeutic

 

[tRoG]

I feel itchy now

 

[itcheh]

*comes*

 

[itcheh]

Tom - put flea collars round your ankles when you walk around the house!

 

[Tom]

I put the drops on their necks. DIE EVIL FLEA SCUM, DIE.

 

[TdC]

after you hoover, don't forget to throw the bag away.

 

[Wij]

You got proper vet stuff ?

Remember to cringe and scream whenever you see one !

 

[Brynn]

You got proper vet stuff ?

Remember to cringe and scream whenever you see one !

my gf is gunna be a vet - better start getting my cringing practice



she told me when she was off at a work placement how they castrate the sheep, they use a rubber ring about 1 cm across, and place it around the nutsack of the sheep then after about a week it just drops off.

becareful when your walking thru a sheep field god knows what you might stand on

 

[Wij]

Is it sheep testes ?

 

[Lazarus]

get a shotty and when you see one jumping, BLAST it!

 

[Tom]

When I was at the vets, a family brought a small dog in, their teenage daughter was crying and sniffling. Turns out that the dog came in last night with a dodgy leg, and wasn't feeling well. I can only assume it had been hit by a car, because when I left the girl was outside crying her eyes out, with her mum insisting she had to say goodbye to the dog.

Not nice.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

The only way to get rid of fleas is to move house and kill your pets.

Sorry!

 

[tRoG]

she told me when she was off at a work placement how they castrate the sheep, they use a rubber ring about 1 cm across, and place it around the nutsack of the sheep then after about a week it just drops off.

I remember the first time I saw my dad sticking one of the wee rubber bands over a lamb's wang.

I laughed for about ten minutes

 

[Trem]

Be one with the fleas, BECOME THE FLEA!

I like this idea best.

Fleas are poofs compared to ticks.

Frontline for teh win! (From the vets).

 

[Alliandre]

I remember the first time I saw my dad sticking one of the wee rubber bands over a lamb's wang.

I laughed for about ten minutes

You sick, sick bastard. I felt paranoid for about a week

And we got the professional chemical thingy for house after coming back off holiday once. It's not nice sleeping in a car, right next to your house. It killed the eggs and everything though. That made me slightly paranoid to. Was itching every other minute.

 

[Tom]

God damn these little critters. The cats are almost flea-free, but there must still be eggs hatching around the bedroom, because every time I walk in there with bare legs I find 2-3 of the little swines feasting on my sensuous ankes.

Still, they're getting smaller and smaller, so I'm presuming I've broken the life-cycle. They can't eat the cats now, because of the poison I put on their necks.

I swear to god, buy shares in flea-repellants, because I'm going to empty the shelves of them in future.