How to deal with...

Wij

I am a FH squatter
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
15,878
...Neighbours' kids.

Not half as bad as those near WPK and Lou but what's the best way to encourage kids not to play football around your car ? My house is second from the end of the street and opposite it is a patch of grass that I own but is in the deeds as 'for the benefit of the street's residents.' It is particulary unsuited for football as it's a steep slope which leads straight onto my drive or the guy opposite and down a bit. He's told them to keep off his land but they don't much care. They were playing further down the street but have been told off so have relocated to mine and my neighbour's (who is the mother of some of them) grass/drive. Also the parent of a particularly gobby one took great pains to ensure we heard her telling her cherub that the grass is common land where the kids should be playing.

I don't want to be doomed to having 10 6-10 year olds playing football virtually in my front room every night. To be honest it makes me wonder if the parents ever see their children apart from 10 minutes at dinner-time.

How do I get the little sods to give me some peace without falling out with the neighbours ?

Help0r !!

(Yes, I've become a grumpy old fart :p)
 

Cask

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 27, 2003
Messages
653
Could you show us a pic? I'm wondering what the patch of land looks like :)
 

Brynn

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
3,261
GERROF MOI LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

1) get a dog, and let him shit in it. that will keep the kids off it
2) pave it over, or turn it into your driveway
3) dob blood on it, that will really keep the kids off.
4) shit in it yourself, while they are playing football on it.
 

Big G

Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
16,163
Wij,

We had/have the same problem where i used to live and where we live now. My dad eventually called the police as the kids' ball would bounce into the garden and knock the plantpots over.

Basically, there's nothing you can do. Unless damage is being done, the police are powerless. It's the same situation at my girlfriend's house, they play footie round my car and i'm constantly telling them to beat it.

It's as simple as that, you're going to have to tell them to clear off. I don't think you can do it nicely, or do it without the neighbours seeing it as "you're ordering my kid about".

Thus:

1) Tell them to feck off or you'll piss on them, upset the neighbours - do you really want to be their friends anyway?

2) Go straight to the parents/neighbours and say (actually lie), "look, your son is playing football and the ball hit my car - there is no damage this time, but i'd appreciate it if you could ask him to play elsewhere?" - might be the best between, "not upsetting" and "getting the message across". If they don't understand, they're fuckwits and not worth staying "friends" with.

There seems to be a large level of fuckwittery amongst adults these days where they allow their kids free reign to play sports in the most unacceptable places. When i was a kid, my dad took me and my mates to a large park to play football. Parents don't seem to give a fuck or willing to put in the time/effort these days.
 

Brynn

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
3,261
When i get older i wanna go play footie with my kiddies.

Some parents shouldnt be allowed kids
 

Tom

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
16,264
Reason with the kids. Just be nice, it usually works.

Remember, they're only playing. They're kids.
 

Wazzerphuk

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
12,054
Go with the poo thing.





Only go old school, and do it yourself. The young Wij would have.
 

Big G

Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
16,163
Tom said:
Reason with the kids. Just be nice, it usually works.
Depends on the kid, my mum caught a kid pissing in our garden, she asked nicely (although fucking shocked) for him not to do that. Next, the parents of the kid were down having a go: how dare she accuse "his boy" of pissing in someone's garden.

Also depends on the parents. I tend to find fuckwit parents tend to have fuckwit children - for obvious reasons.
 

Chilly

Balls of steel
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
9,046
fukin' kids, leave dead animals in all their beds, that will do the trick.
 

Nos

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 14, 2004
Messages
258
I certainly agree with Big G on this. When I were a nipper and I'd put a foot wrong if my parents heard about it they'd thank the person that told them (and set me back on the straight and narrow).

Nowadays parents seem to think their kids can do no wrong and are more likely to shoot the messenger than take any parental action against little timmy.
 

Draylor

Part of the furniture
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
2,591
6-10 year olds? Scare the crap out of them in whatever way you choose.

Sure, their parents will have a whine, but theyll think twice about doing it again ;) If you want to actually get along with your neighbours then dont take any suggestions from this grumpy bastard :p
 

Lazarus

Part of the furniture
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
2,874
ffs Wij - go and play football with them

crock a few ankles and thatl be them out of action for a few weeks.
 

dysfunction

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
9,470
Install a sprinkler system on the ground and set it off everytime they start playing there...
 

Tilda

Moderator
Moderator
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
5,755
I'd go with the "talk to the parents approach".

Failing that, its still your land, not as the mother thinks (assuming i've understood your post correctly) "common land" this dosnt exist, one can only posesss "rights of common" over another's land.
I'm not sure how the legislation goes (indeed it may prohibit this), but if it bothers you that much, what about a fence + gate around it? Stops the ball hitting your car/house, but it can still be enjoyed by other residents.

Just checked, if you want to put a fence up you have to ask the Secretary of State for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs for permission under S194 of the Law of Property Act 1924. If you dont, its illegal.
 

itcheh

Part of the furniture
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
740
Big G said:
2) Go straight to the parents/neighbours and say (actually lie), "look, your son is playing football and the ball hit my car - there is no damage this time, but i'd appreciate it if you could ask him to play elsewhere?" - might be the best between, "not upsetting" and "getting the message across". If they don't understand, they're fuckwits and not worth staying "friends" with.
This is the best tactic - once they realise that they might be stung for the cost of repairs they'll soon get over their kids 'right to play on public space'
 

Tilda

Moderator
Moderator
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
5,755
The sprinkler system is also a good plan although they could claim you were fettering their enjoyment.
 

Tilda

Moderator
Moderator
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
5,755
Another idea, you could terrace it, so it has like a place for BBQ's deckchairs etc, and flower beds, its still for the benefit of the streets residents, but its practicly impossible to play football on it :D
 

anattic

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
182
I'm not a lawyer but...

...it occurs to me that since you own it, if one of said little cherubs comes a cropper on your land, then you could be held liable. Farmers have to carry (vastly expensive) public liability insurance for such eventualities. Might be worth checking...
 

venus

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
113
Go and speak to all the parents, try not to single out any particular kid. Explain that you don’t mind the kids playing but you would like them to have a bit more respect/consideration for your property. Don’t tackle the kids cos they will probably just trash your car or something (I wouldn’t put anything past kids these days). If this fails then a couple of landmines should do the trick ;)
 

JBP|

Resident Freddy
Joined
Dec 19, 2003
Messages
1,269
My advice would be to erect a 20' high wall around the said land then only allow neighbours access at times that are covienient to you.

Or

Litter the ground with various hard core porn magazines (the kids will soon loose intrest in the football :) ).
 

Tilda

Moderator
Moderator
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
5,755
JBP| said:
My advice would be to erect a 20' high wall around the said land then only allow neighbours access at times that are covienient to you.

Or

Litter the ground with various hard core porn magazines (the kids will soon loose intrest in the football :) ).
Can't enclose land over which people hold rights of common :(
The porn plan sounds good, also if their parents find out, they wont want their angels going to play footy there! :D
Failing that each time they go to play call up some friends and play rugby there. or violent footy. A few hard tackles and they'll play elsewhere :D
 

WPKenny

Resident Freddy
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
1,348
You should gather all the turds up that you find while out walking and place them around your lawn. Knowing what kids are like if they only see it once or twice, even when the turds have gone they'll still be reluctant to play there.
 

tRoG

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
1,440
Leave them alone, says I.

They're kids and want to play, but it seems there is nowhere suitable nearby. I remember being severely pissed off as a youngster because there was nowhere to play football, as my area was populated by old grumpies.

Ask the council to bung a park at the other end of the street, or something.
 

Paradroid

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
645
How about a "No Ball Games" sign? (the bane of my youth)...linky

From Linky said:
Q) We would like to request a "No Ball Games" sign to be placed on the highway. Who do we contact ?
A) "No Ball Games" signs are only provided where the Police have been involved in disputes and where they have indicated that signing would be helpful towards enforcement.

Q) We would like to request a "No Ball Games" sign to be placed on Green Open Spaces. Who do I contact?
A) A request can be placed by contacting our Street Care Helpline on (01472) 324500 or e-mail streetcare@nelincs.gov.uk

Q) People are playing ball games in an unsuitable area. Are the Council able to enforce the law?
A) The Highways Act 1980 s161(3) states that "if a person plays at football or any other game on a highway to the annoyance of a user of the highway he is guilty of an offence and liable to a fine not exceeding [level 1 on the standard scale].

As with all national laws this is enforceable by the Police. The Council is not empowered to enforce this particular national law.

"No ball games" signs are not required by the Police for them to undertake enforcement although it is recognised that their presence may aid enforcement.

"No ball games" signs are erected on the highway solely to aid Police enforcement and consequently it is a pre-requisite of their erection for the Police to have undertaken to enforce this law. Usually this requires the Police to make a request to the Council for the provision of such signs.

Surely you're not the only person with a car that could be damaged by the kids playing footie - get a consensus from the rest of the neighbours.

Just look out for the negative behavoural backlash.


.... alternatively, (surreptitiously) break loads of buckie bottles on the grass, or, throw an old soiled matress on it, or, steal a car and burn it out on the grass ... you know it's only a matter af a couple of years before this happens anyway! Get in there first!

:p
 

Big G

Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
16,163
tRoG said:
Leave them alone, says I.

They're kids and want to play, but it seems there is nowhere suitable nearby. I remember being severely pissed off as a youngster because there was nowhere to play football, as my area was populated by old grumpies.

Ask the council to bung a park at the other end of the street, or something.
Let me ask you this.

One of the kids boots the ball into your car, it'll cost you £400 to have it panel beaten back into shape and re-sprayed.

or:

One of the kids puts a cricket ball through your front room window.

You still want to leave them alone?
 
G

Guest

Guest
Shoot them in the azz with a .22 from your bedroom window at night. Little fuckers deserve all they get. I blame the parents, chavs mk1, you should have to pass a test to have kids.
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Big G said:
Let me ask you this.

One of the kids boots the ball into your car, it'll cost you £400 to have it panel beaten back into shape and re-sprayed.

or:

One of the kids puts a cricket ball through your front room window.

You still want to leave them alone?
Actually, has this happened?

If not, it's like saying "well, planes shouldn't fly over my house 'cause they might crash down"

Just asking, i couldn't care less if the kids pla or not, haven't had bad experieces with any young ones.

Then again i'm a hermit in my own little hole in the ground and they don't dare come close the "boogieman" :p
 

Nos

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 14, 2004
Messages
258
brooky said:
Shoot them in the azz with a .22 from your bedroom window at night. Little fuckers deserve all they get. I blame the parents, chavs mk1, you should have to pass a test to have kids.
Pot.

Kettle.

Black?
 
G

Guest

Guest
yes nos, i love you too, cock fucking turd badger, anyway, do you actually have any kids NOS, if not stfu pls.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom