Homework

[Gurnox]

Please answer the following questions by Thursday of next week. I will return your marks on Thursday the following week.

1) There are seven priests. Each one is connected to a car battery by means of a copper wire. The wire has a yellow plastic shieiding. Assuming one of the priests has a vacuum cleaner secreted under their cassock. Which one holds the dust? Please give reasons for your answer.

2) "Worms are nice". Discuss this assumption from the point of view of a small bird. For example, a black Guillemot.

3) Mathematics. Assuming that x is equal to the square root of pye. Where did I leave my fags? I had them when I came out, but I'm buggered if I know where they are now. Have you seen them anywhere?

4) What am I holding in my hand? Go on, think about it. What could it possibly be?

5) "Nah, nah, nah. I wasn't talking to you. I was just saying it to him. Nah mate, it didn't have anything to do with anything. What did you say? Ah, mate. There's no need for that. What? I didn't say anything about your mum. No, I wasn't looking at anything innit. Aw, fuck it. Fuck off!"

Discuss.

 

[Cyfr]

4) What am I holding in my hand? Go on, think about it. What could it possibly be?

Wij's cock.

 

[fatbusinessman]

Wij's cock.

This also serves as a surprisingly apt answer to question 3...

 

[Fweddy]

2) "Worms are nice". Discuss this assumption from the point of view of a small bird. For example, a black Guillemot.

Black Guillemots don't eat worms...

 

[Wij]

Oooh - you're all obsessed

 

[Bullitt]

"Nah, nah, nah. I wasn't talking to you. I was just saying it to him. Nah mate, it didn't have anything to do with anything. What did you say? Ah, mate. There's no need for that. What? I didn't say anything about your mum. No, I wasn't looking at anything innit. Aw, fuck it. Fuck off!"

My god that's almost a word for word transcript of a 'conversation' I had with a townie on Saturday night.

 

[Gurnox]

Black Guillemots don't eat worms...

Ah, the trick question has been rumbled already.

That will certainly gain you extra marks. However, I am disapointed with the amount of conferring that is going on here. If you are not careful, you will have your papers confiscated and your marks will be void.

Please answer ALL questions.

 

[Mazling]

You know, I should put this thread into my monthly report, it should speed things up a hell of a lot and get you sorted, and get me somewhere nicer.

 

[Tom]

You are holding a mouse/keyboard in your hand.

 

[Furr]

awnser is the butler with the inflatable hammer in the pool room.

 

[Gurnox]

NO

I'm not marking any of this bilge. The presentation just isn't up to scratch. Detention for the lot of you!

 

[~Yuckfou~]

1) There are seven priests. Each one is connected to a car battery by means of a copper wire. The wire has a yellow plastic shieiding. Assuming one of the priests has a vacuum cleaner secreted under their cassock. Which one holds the dust? Please give reasons for your answer.

They are all too busy fiddling with the choir boys, it's a trick question.

 

[Munkey]

1) 6 of the priests are ashes in the vacuum cleaner. The electrical wire is there to bring them to life and circumvent the coming of the apocolypse

 

[GDW]

5) "Nah, nah, nah. I wasn't talking to you. I was just saying it to him. Nah mate, it didn't have anything to do with anything. What did you say? Ah, mate. There's no need for that. What? I didn't say anything about your mum. No, I wasn't looking at anything innit. Aw, fuck it. Fuck off!"

Discuss.

Sounds like something The Streets would sing about

 

[Milkshake]

1) There are seven priests. Each one is connected to a car battery by means of a copper wire. The wire has a yellow plastic shielding. Assuming one of the priests has a vacuum cleaner secreted under their cassock. Which one holds the dust? Please give reasons for your answer.

First, we must discuss how much dust there is. There is dust all over the place, and each priest will have some on him unless this hypothetical situation is based in a vacumn. If you are specifically asking which one is holding the dust, the answer would be none of them, since none of them are actively holding dust. If the question is inferring "who has the most dust", then it will be the one with the vacumn cleaner, since he a) has more surface area and b) it is assumed that vacumn cleaners are used in the picking up of dust from the floor, thus will contain aforementioned dust.
There may also be another tangent on this question. Although my knowledge of car batteries and the physics surrounding the item are limited, perhaps by being connected to the batteries the priests may become slightly electro-statically charged, thus ATTRACTING the dust. Therefore the priest who has the most dust on them would depend on who's battery had run out by then. The priest with the vacumn cleaner would probably have the least amount of dust in this situation, since holding the vacumn cleaner would ground him and not let a charge build up.

2) "Worms are nice". Discuss this assumption from the point of view of a small bird. For example, a black Guillemot.

As a black guillemot, I do not often partake in the eating of worms, since I am a bird that mostly feeds on fish and crustaceans. I am made precisely for that purpose, for the catching of both fish and crabs to keep myself alive and the family that I am attempting to breed on the shores of northern UK.
However, this does not mean I am adverse to eating a worm, I just do not often have the chance to try one. Many of my relatives do this, but are more suited to the task. Worms live mostly underground, so I would have a hard time catching them. For the amount of time it would take me to catch a worm and eat it, I may have caught a whole days worth of fish.
If I was to catch a worm, I may be one of the first in my lineage to do so, and thus I would let out a weak, high whistle since it is the only way I communicate.

3) Mathematics. Assuming that x is equal to the square root of pye. Where did I leave my fags? I had them when I came out, but I'm buggered if I know where they are now. Have you seen them anywhere?

By the connotation "fags", I am assuming you mean the slang for homosexual, seeing as you go on to say that you will be buggered if you find them, buggering being slang for sodomy. I personally have not seen any homosexuals in my vicinity, as I am sitting at home. Since I am at home, you are at your home and I do not live near you, I can suggest that I am not the best person to go looking for your lovers, as I am a) too far away, and b) likely to look with a pitchfork and flaming torch in which to purge the heretic. As you seem to be annoyed at losing your lovers, I can take that b) would not please you. I suggest shouting their names for best effect, unless they are deaf. People tend to respond to their names being called.

4) What am I holding in my hand? Go on, think about it. What could it possibly be?

There are many possible suggestions to what you are holding in your hand. By writing this, you are most probably at the computer. You would be typing at the point of asking the question. You may be typing with two hands, in which you would not be holding anything, you would be typing. If you were typing with one hand, you can only reach items near to your computer. I cannot see what is around your computer, so I'll suggest the items around my own in a vain attempt to correlate a situation of your own to mine. Under this assumption, it may be one of the following. Webcam, CD, Mouse, Glass of Juice, Can of Beer, Mug of Coffee, any part of your body, any clothes you may be wearing at the time, modem, monitor, chess set, book, mobile phone, wallet, Instructions on the safe usage and maintenance of the SA-80 Assault Rifle, pencil case, piggy bank, DVD, digital camera, plate, 4-bar plug adapter.

5) "Nah, nah, nah. I wasn't talking to you. I was just saying it to him. Nah mate, it didn't have anything to do with anything. What did you say? Ah, mate. There's no need for that. What? I didn't say anything about your mum. No, I wasn't looking at anything innit. Aw, fuck it. Fuck off!"

No idea.