O
old.Billy
Guest
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple, wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it." The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at Safeway anymore either."
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" "So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
Okay, there was this guy on a deserted island, and the only living things there besides himself was a goat and a dog. One day, the guy got so horny, he tried humping the goat. But, just as he was about to "stick it in," the dog attacked him. Day after day, the man tried to do the goat, and day after day, the dog stopped him. Finally, the man gave up. He sat on the edge of the island and began to pout. Just then, he saw a boat floating out in the ocean. The man swam out to it, and brought it to shore. He yanked off the tarp, and to his surprise, Cindy Crawford jumped out! "Oh kind sir," Cindy said, "You saved my life, I'll do anything for you!" The man smiled and replied in a husky voice, "Anything?" Cindy nodded and the man demanded, "Go hold that damn dog for me!!!!!"
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" "So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
Okay, there was this guy on a deserted island, and the only living things there besides himself was a goat and a dog. One day, the guy got so horny, he tried humping the goat. But, just as he was about to "stick it in," the dog attacked him. Day after day, the man tried to do the goat, and day after day, the dog stopped him. Finally, the man gave up. He sat on the edge of the island and began to pout. Just then, he saw a boat floating out in the ocean. The man swam out to it, and brought it to shore. He yanked off the tarp, and to his surprise, Cindy Crawford jumped out! "Oh kind sir," Cindy said, "You saved my life, I'll do anything for you!" The man smiled and replied in a husky voice, "Anything?" Cindy nodded and the man demanded, "Go hold that damn dog for me!!!!!"
