Help Please!!

[Karl]

Me and My Girlfriend had an argument last night,

She got drunk, as usual, and phoned me started shouting at me about various things that happened about a year ago... (We broke up for 3 months and in that time i got slightly involved with another girl)

When i broke up with her i was certain that i was making the right decision, then i changed my mind and resolved the things between us... now that we are back together for nearly a year she still cant trust me, she still goes off on one to me about it, and wont let it lie...

Now she just sent me this text...

"Im sorry. im struggling to think of what to say. Its hard over TXT,
do you want me? do you love me? do you need me like i need you?
and do you believe whith the whole of your hear that i am the one 4 u"

Now....

Do i want her? Yes, i think, not when she is drunk or angry
Do i love her? Yes i think so atleast, I did... but now our relationship is just constant nagging.
Do i NEED her? No... im the sort of person who can happily see himself through.
Do i believe with all of my heart that she is the 1? No... not anymore... she could be but im dont know.

So... should I lie.... Yes i need/want/love/believe and then she will be happy for a time and things between me and her may start to get better... but i dont know if thats going to happen unless she stops drinking and starts trusting me... which she cant seem to do...

Or... should i tell her the truth which would inevitably end up with us breaking up most likley and then im worried about her and if she would start drinking more / hurt herself.

Anybody out there got some sort of infinite wisdom they can give to me??

Help!!

 

[tris-]

if you dont really want to be with her, phone her and break it off.

unless you like stringing people along and toying with emotions.

in that case just pretend everything is hunkydory and you can sleep well on your bed of rose petals.

 

[Karl]

This is it, im not sure either way but i dont want to do anything to jepordise (sp?) the relationship but at the same time if things stay the way they are it will only get worse.

 

[tris-]

so imo if it will only get worse, jump out while its still good times. then you arnt burning bridges etc

 

[Klonk]

I've had the same dilemma with my first girlfriend, we were together for five years. At the end I found the constant jealousy and angry-when-drunk was too much to handle. I can honestly say that I can't point my finger at one specific reason we broke up, but at the time it felt right, because of the same reasons you list in your first post.

So my advice would be to break it off, or at least say that you have serious doubt, and if she can't handle that, tell her you think you better split up.

And now for the morale of the story, I am now happily engaged with another girl that is on a whole 'nother planet

 

[leviathane]

your young, drop her and move on mebbe?

 

[Phooka]

I dont know your age i dont know her...
But i know from experience if somewhere you dont think she is the one she isn't Do yourself and her a favour and follow your gut instinct, not your heart , not your head , just your gut!

And about the hurting thing i have had an ex to many where i worried about that she hurt herself if i left ( she actually said she would :S) and she ended up cheating on me a couple of years later.. That was a relationshhip of 6.5 years where i had my doubts bout her after 2 months but the crazy in love puppy and later on the fear of her killing herself kept us 2 gether for most of that 6.5 years...

Also when you broke up 1ce it is for a reason and i actually never heared of a relationship that is infact healthy where the couple had broke up once alrdy...
Im not telling you what to do im telling what i think and what i learned from my experience. Do with it as you please and i hope you do whats right. just make sure you are happy because if you are not, there is no way you can make another happy really

Best of Luck mater

 

[Phooka]

And now for the morale of the story, I am now happily engaged with another girl that is on a whole 'nother planet

Same Here

 

[Calaen]

Wise words in this post, if you cant tick all of the boxes to the questions she is asking, its time to move on.

 

[Karl]

Yes thank you all for your advice i will think upon your words and all the other advice i have been given... *crosses his fingers* lets see how it all goes from here!

 

[Klonk]

Good luck, it's never fun the first month though, but try to jump on the bandwagon again as soon as possible, rebound relationships ftw!



They sometimes last, too!

 

[Marc]

Whatever you do, do not let yourself by emotionally blackmailed, ie, if you leave her she will harm herself etc.

 

[- English -]

id say something that i like you etc etc, but i dont need up, its up to you if u want things to work

if thats how u want it, its my approaching to things cos im laid back

 

[leviathane]

indeed when they put on the water works just walk away or something otherwise you do something stupid and continue the relationship

 

[old.Tohtori]

It's not that hard talking to women people.

Say it straight.
Don't tiddletaddle.
Leave no room for quessing.

So, don't say:

"Oh yes, i have feelings for you, i just don't know what yadayada bull bull"

but instead.

"I love you. I want to be with you."

Like sprite sayes, No bullsh*t.

 

[Sparx]

Me and My Girlfriend had an argument last night,

She got drunk, as usual, and phoned me started shouting at me about various things that happened about a year ago... (We broke up for 3 months and in that time i got slightly involved with another girl)

When i broke up with her i was certain that i was making the right decision, then i changed my mind and resolved the things between us... now that we are back together for nearly a year she still cant trust me, she still goes off on one to me about it, and wont let it lie...

Now she just sent me this text...

"Im sorry. im struggling to think of what to say. Its hard over TXT,
do you want me? do you love me? do you need me like i need you?
and do you believe whith the whole of your hear that i am the one 4 u"

Now....

Do i want her? Yes, i think, not when she is drunk or angry
Do i love her? Yes i think so atleast, I did... but now our relationship is just constant nagging.
Do i NEED her? No... im the sort of person who can happily see himself through.
Do i believe with all of my heart that she is the 1? No... not anymore... she could be but im dont know.

So... should I lie.... Yes i need/want/love/believe and then she will be happy for a time and things between me and her may start to get better... but i dont know if thats going to happen unless she stops drinking and starts trusting me... which she cant seem to do...

Or... should i tell her the truth which would inevitably end up with us breaking up most likley and then im worried about her and if she would start drinking more / hurt herself.

Anybody out there got some sort of infinite wisdom they can give to me??

Help!!

obvious mate you know yourself you dont, i had the same problem with my ex, thought i loved her hated not being with her etc, took a few best mates to open my eyes, and looking back i know that if i was saying i think i love here then i didnt.

You know the answer already chap. Trust is also very hard to get back once lost, my ex gf done the same you did, only it took her less than 20 hours to sleep with someone else. I never fully forgave her for that

 

[evzy]

Also you need to do a Ross in Friends "We were on a break!"

But seriously I would bin her - speaking from my experience - went out with some lovely girls who I really hoped would be the one - but then arguments start etc but you put up with it as its easier than going out and finding someone new and getting out of the comfort zone so you put up with jealousies and arguments in the hope it all will get better - it won't.. I am now married to a girl who I met over 6yrs ago and in all that time we have barely ever argued and never seriously - which just shows me that all the crap I used to put up with was not worth it compared to the lovely relationship I am in now.

 

[Sparx]

Whatever you do, do not let yourself by emotionally blackmailed, ie, if you leave her she will harm herself etc.

my ex threatened to kill herself, so i went over to her house and told her i wanna watch (not in those words) it sounds harsh but made her see she was being a complete tool

 

[lilmissnaughty]

Also when you broke up 1ce it is for a reason and i actually never heared of a relationship that is infact healthy where the couple had broke up once alrdy...
Im not telling you what to do im telling what i think and what i learned from my experience. Do with it as you please and i hope you do whats right. just make sure you are happy because if you are not, there is no way you can make another happy really

this is very true.
if it didnt work the first time it aint gonna work now.
think of it like eating a meal: it was alright at first but u got sick of it towards the end but u sure as hell wouldnt go to the toilet the next day an try tasting it again cos it defo wont taste any better.

if u dont like the argueing u should get out cos its unlikely this will ever change, somewhere in the back of her head shes prolly thinking u r gonna split up with her again next time u feel like tryin someone new(whether this is how it happened or not).trust is hard to regain, specially if it wasnt fully there in the first place(insecure people will always be needy of reassurance its whether u can handle the constant demand). you just gotta make the choice that is right for u or u will only end up with resentment.tryna live ur life solely for the benefit of another person will never make u happy.

 

[Gamah]

I have/had the same problem as your ex, when I get drunk I get really jelous of my gf talking to any other guys.
Its shit, but it comes from someone I loved cheating on me a few years back whic really hurt.

However I have made the effort to stop such things, I knew if I continued we would end and that was not something I wanted.

I still get the odd twinge of jelousy but these days I just bite my tounge and tell myself it is me being irrational. If she really loves you like I love my gf she will do the same.

 

[Glacier]

If you just want her. Lie
If you are serious about her. Dont lie.

imo atleast.

 

[leviathane]

I have/had the same problem as your ex, when I get drunk I get really jelous of my gf talking to any other guys.
Its shit, but it comes from someone I loved cheating on me a few years back whic really hurt.

However I have made the effort to stop such things, I knew if I continued we would end and that was not something I wanted.

I still get the odd twinge of jelousy but these days I just bite my tounge and tell myself it is me being irrational. If she really loves you like I love my gf she will do the same.

Gamah actually showing human emotion

 

[Sparx]

*faints*

 

[Thadius]

Whatever you do, do not let yourself by emotionally blackmailed, ie, if you leave her she will harm herself etc.

Your video rocks

Reminds me of schooltime rugby matches

Played on concrete ofc

 

[Ezteq]

if you wanted things to work out with her then she's the one that has to change and you'd have to tell her so, the friends thing of we were on a break is perfectly valid and i wonder would she be so vocal about you if she'd done it?

however what i would do in your situation is (well firstly i'd never go back to an x but if i had) is tell her i couldnt put up with the constant abuse and to please leave me alone and have a nice life (then i'd go get my phone number changed lol) because once someone (and girls are v bad for this) gets something that bugs them they tend to drag it up every single arguement lol.

anyhoo hope your ok hun its not nice when someones making you feel like the bad guy when you did nothing wrong, take care eh? and dont take any crap!

 

[Gamah]

Gamah actually showing human emotion

it's a rare moment, savour it

 

[Darksword]

if you dont really want to be with her, phone her and break it off.

unless you like stringing people along and toying with emotions.

in that case just pretend everything is hunkydory and you can sleep well on your bed of rose petals.

perfect answer and id go with this.