liloe
It's my birthday today!
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2004
- Messages
- 4,166
I found this on a french site and quickly translated it into english =) I really had to laugh, cause I think it applies to nearly every service dept. =)
Your informatics service is your devoted support to make you feel best as possible with your computer. Here is some advice to help him accomplish his mission even better: helping you!
• If you call us to move your computer, always think of covering it with a ton of postcards, baby photos, straw stuffed animals, dried flowers, trophies and your children’s drawings. We have no private life and greatly appreciate having yours exposed like this.
• If a member of the informatics service tells you he will come immediately, go get a coffee. This way you won’t be there if we need your password. It’s nothing at all for us to retain 300 passwords…
• If you find a member of the informatics service having breakfast in his office, immediately start snapping him up. We only exist for the single reason to serve you.
• Send your urgent e-mails in CAPITALS. The mailserver finds them and sends them as being important.
• Call us if you need to get rid of a dozen old monitors, we’re collectors.
• If you have problems with your computer at home, put him in pieces on a chair at our office without indicating your name, your phone number or a problem description, we love enigmas.
• If a qualified informatics engineer tells you that a monitor has no cartridges inside, object. We love disputes.
• If a member of the informatics service tells you he will come immediately, take on a hurt tone and say : “How many weeks do you mean by immediately ?” It encourages us.
• If the printer doesn’t work, restart the print at least 20 times. The printing orders often fall into black holes.
• If the printer still doesn’t work after 20 retryes, send the printing order to all 68 printers in the enterprise. One of them should work.
• Never learn the correct names for any technical thing. We know exactly what you mean by “my dingbat messed up”
• Never use the phone help to answer your most simple questions. Phone help is for newbs.
• If the cable of your mouse doesn’t stop overthrowing the phote of your dog, lift the computer and put the cable under it. These cables are made to resist the pressure of 10gk of informatics material.
• If the space bar of your keyboard doesn’t work anymore, accuse the update of the messaging client. The keyboards are in fact very happy to work with half a ton of crumbs inside.
• Don’t hesitate to say things like : “I don’t understand anything of this computer shit.” It doesn’t bother us to hear that our working domain is shit.
• If you need to change the ink toner on a printer, call the informatics service. Changing the toner is a specially dificult task that requires to be done by an engineer with a diploma in nuclear physics.
• If your computer doesn’t start, come to us to complain before veryfing if it’s correctly connected.
• If something with your computer doesn’t work, ask your secretary to call the maintenance. We love the challenge of dealing with a 3rd person that totally ignores anything of the problem.
• If you recieve a movie of 30 Mb, send it to the whole enterprise as atachment. We got plenty of disc space on the mailserver.
• Never divide huge printing orders into smaller ones. Someone could try to sneak a memo into the printing line.
• If a member of the informatics service enters an elevator with a chariot containing around 100.000€ worth of material, loudly exclaim : “Oh my god, you take the elevator to just get down one level ?!” This makes us laugh all the time.
• If you meet a member of the informatics service saturdays in the supermarket, ask a question concerning computers. We also work on weekends and free days.
• If you bring your computer from home to repair it at the office, leave all the documentation at home. We’ll have no problem finding the parameters and drivers somewhere else.
Cordially,
Your informatics service..
Our motto : your well-being is our permanent worry
Jordi Lemazo