TdC
Trem's hunky sex love muffin
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2003
- Messages
- 30,925
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 12 July 2010 8.42am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: McDonald's Packaging
Good morning,
I will not be in to work today. Last night, while standing approximately three metres from a brick wall, I threw a golf ball at it as hard as I could. Due to a combination of physics and the internal rubber structure of the golf ball, it returned at almost the speed it left and struck me just above my ear on the right side of my head. I think I may have a concussion and cannot see colour. As I am meant to be working on McDonald's packaging and this will severely limit my abilities, I will instead spend the day reorganising my wardrobe as I have way too many black and grey shirts.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 12 July 2010 9.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: McDonald's Packaging
ok
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.08am
To: David Thorne
Subject: are you in today?
Hi. are you coming into work today because my imac is playing up and I need you to look at it. when I start it it has a message about a static ip and cant connect to the internet.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: are you in today?
Good morning Shannon,
No, I will not be in to work today due to freezer burn. In regards to your computer, it is referring to static electricity. Shut the computer down, take your shoes off so that there is good contact between yourself and the floor and keep both hands firmly on the keyboard for about ten minutes before turning your computer back on. This will discharge any residual static IP. Try to move as little as possible during the process as movement, especially while wearing synthetic clothing, will generate more. Are you wearing polyester pants today?
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.23am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: are you in today?
Im wearing jeans.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.27am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: are you in today?
Then you should be fine. You may need to repeat the process two or three times to ensure full static IP discharge.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.35am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: are you in today?
ok thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 02 July 2010 8.53am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Healthy body, healthy mind.
Good morning,
I will either be late or not in to work today as I have decided to go jogging. As it is my first time and I do not want to over exert myself, I will be taking the car. As such, I should be able to jog fifty or even a hundred kilometres today. Obviously with a few breaks in between to re-hydrate and stretch. If I jog past work I will beep the horn and wave.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Friday 02 July 2010 9.16am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Healthy body, healthy mind.
ok
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 14 June 2010 9.03am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: L'Oreal Excellence to Go™
Hello,
I will not be in to work today. Yesterday, after discovering a grey hair, I purchased a packet of L'Oreal colourant and attempted to disguise the fact. Unfortunately, due to the product being misrepresented as 'Natural Black' instead of 'Astro boy black', I look like Robert Smith. Not from the Cure's chart topping days, but the current sad middle aged Robert Smith desperately trying to appeal to the same demographic. Also, as there was no warning regarding getting the mixture over your ears, neck and forehead, I had to mix more and rub it over the remainder of my face to even out the stain figuring it would look like a tan. It doesn't. Although I have scrubbed my face and lightened it to a soft shade of purple, my hair has remained as dark as an adequate simile describing just how black it actually is. I cannot hide it by wearing a cap as the only one I own is yellow and the one time I did wear it, I caught a reflected glance of myself in a shop window and it looked like a duck was sitting on my head. I am sure you will agree that this is hardly the image we want to present to clients.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 14 June 2010 9.09am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: L'Oreal Excellence to Go™
ok.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 10 June 2010 8.58am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Feelings
Good morning,
I will not be in to work today due to the fact that I woke up feeling quite belligerent so it is probably best for everyone if I am not there.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 10 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Feelings
ok
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 08 June 2010 8.41am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Electric Boogaloo
Good morning,
I will not be in to work today. Yesterday, while Kelly, Turbo, Ozone and I were attempting to stop a developer from bulldozing a community recreation centre, I threw my back out during a dance off. With hindsight, I probably should have popped instead of locking but was simply carried away in the moment. That's how I roll.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Tuesday 08 June 2010 9.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Electric Boogaloo
yeah ok
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 07 June 2010 9.09am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Robots
Hello,
I will not be in to work today as I was kept awake last night by the noise of my neighbours having sex and a dog barking. I am hoping the two are not connected. Having squeezed past my neighbours on the stairs before, I attempted to block out the vision of two elephant seals thrashing their chests together over territorial rights by wondering what would happen if two robots, built exactly the same with the same programming, fought each other. Would one win or would it be a draw? During school holidays when I was about ten, I attempted to construct a robot from appliances including a blender, Atari 2600 and Vacuum cleaner. My intention was to have it completed before the holidays ended so that it could accompany me to school and kill Bradley McPherson who had stolen my Casio calculator watch. After realising that the project would entail actual engineering knowledge and being told to "clean up that fucking mess in the shed", I instead told everyone at school that Bradley's mum had told my mum that he had been born with both a penis and a vagina and had to wear special underpants to keep the two separated.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 07 June 2010 9.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Robots
ok
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 9.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: hi
hi David. Are you coming into work today?.
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 9.55am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Re: hi
Morning Shannon,
Unfortunately that won't be possible. I cannot leave the house as I have caught agoraphobia. Although usually an illness self-diagnosed by people as an excuse to stay home and masturbate or play Modern Warfare 2, it is obviously not the case in this instance.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 10.06am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: hi
You cant catch agoraphobia.
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 10.09am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hi
I realise that. It was a typo. I meant arachnophobia.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 10.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hi
Whatever.
Date: Monday 12 July 2010 8.42am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: McDonald's Packaging
Good morning,
I will not be in to work today. Last night, while standing approximately three metres from a brick wall, I threw a golf ball at it as hard as I could. Due to a combination of physics and the internal rubber structure of the golf ball, it returned at almost the speed it left and struck me just above my ear on the right side of my head. I think I may have a concussion and cannot see colour. As I am meant to be working on McDonald's packaging and this will severely limit my abilities, I will instead spend the day reorganising my wardrobe as I have way too many black and grey shirts.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 12 July 2010 9.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: McDonald's Packaging
ok
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.08am
To: David Thorne
Subject: are you in today?
Hi. are you coming into work today because my imac is playing up and I need you to look at it. when I start it it has a message about a static ip and cant connect to the internet.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: are you in today?
Good morning Shannon,
No, I will not be in to work today due to freezer burn. In regards to your computer, it is referring to static electricity. Shut the computer down, take your shoes off so that there is good contact between yourself and the floor and keep both hands firmly on the keyboard for about ten minutes before turning your computer back on. This will discharge any residual static IP. Try to move as little as possible during the process as movement, especially while wearing synthetic clothing, will generate more. Are you wearing polyester pants today?
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.23am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: are you in today?
Im wearing jeans.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.27am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: are you in today?
Then you should be fine. You may need to repeat the process two or three times to ensure full static IP discharge.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 8 July 2010 9.35am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: are you in today?
ok thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 02 July 2010 8.53am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Healthy body, healthy mind.
Good morning,
I will either be late or not in to work today as I have decided to go jogging. As it is my first time and I do not want to over exert myself, I will be taking the car. As such, I should be able to jog fifty or even a hundred kilometres today. Obviously with a few breaks in between to re-hydrate and stretch. If I jog past work I will beep the horn and wave.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Friday 02 July 2010 9.16am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Healthy body, healthy mind.
ok
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 14 June 2010 9.03am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: L'Oreal Excellence to Go™
Hello,
I will not be in to work today. Yesterday, after discovering a grey hair, I purchased a packet of L'Oreal colourant and attempted to disguise the fact. Unfortunately, due to the product being misrepresented as 'Natural Black' instead of 'Astro boy black', I look like Robert Smith. Not from the Cure's chart topping days, but the current sad middle aged Robert Smith desperately trying to appeal to the same demographic. Also, as there was no warning regarding getting the mixture over your ears, neck and forehead, I had to mix more and rub it over the remainder of my face to even out the stain figuring it would look like a tan. It doesn't. Although I have scrubbed my face and lightened it to a soft shade of purple, my hair has remained as dark as an adequate simile describing just how black it actually is. I cannot hide it by wearing a cap as the only one I own is yellow and the one time I did wear it, I caught a reflected glance of myself in a shop window and it looked like a duck was sitting on my head. I am sure you will agree that this is hardly the image we want to present to clients.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 14 June 2010 9.09am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: L'Oreal Excellence to Go™
ok.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 10 June 2010 8.58am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Feelings
Good morning,
I will not be in to work today due to the fact that I woke up feeling quite belligerent so it is probably best for everyone if I am not there.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Thursday 10 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Feelings
ok
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 08 June 2010 8.41am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Electric Boogaloo
Good morning,
I will not be in to work today. Yesterday, while Kelly, Turbo, Ozone and I were attempting to stop a developer from bulldozing a community recreation centre, I threw my back out during a dance off. With hindsight, I probably should have popped instead of locking but was simply carried away in the moment. That's how I roll.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Tuesday 08 June 2010 9.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Electric Boogaloo
yeah ok
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 07 June 2010 9.09am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Robots
Hello,
I will not be in to work today as I was kept awake last night by the noise of my neighbours having sex and a dog barking. I am hoping the two are not connected. Having squeezed past my neighbours on the stairs before, I attempted to block out the vision of two elephant seals thrashing their chests together over territorial rights by wondering what would happen if two robots, built exactly the same with the same programming, fought each other. Would one win or would it be a draw? During school holidays when I was about ten, I attempted to construct a robot from appliances including a blender, Atari 2600 and Vacuum cleaner. My intention was to have it completed before the holidays ended so that it could accompany me to school and kill Bradley McPherson who had stolen my Casio calculator watch. After realising that the project would entail actual engineering knowledge and being told to "clean up that fucking mess in the shed", I instead told everyone at school that Bradley's mum had told my mum that he had been born with both a penis and a vagina and had to wear special underpants to keep the two separated.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 07 June 2010 9.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Robots
ok
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 9.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: hi
hi David. Are you coming into work today?.
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 9.55am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Re: hi
Morning Shannon,
Unfortunately that won't be possible. I cannot leave the house as I have caught agoraphobia. Although usually an illness self-diagnosed by people as an excuse to stay home and masturbate or play Modern Warfare 2, it is obviously not the case in this instance.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 10.06am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: hi
You cant catch agoraphobia.
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 10.09am
To: de Masi jones Staff
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hi
I realise that. It was a typo. I meant arachnophobia.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Wednesday 02 June 2010 10.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hi
Whatever.
