Favourite Quotes?

Ame

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
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685
What is your favouritest, funiest quotes you know?

Here are mine:

"All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.""
Steven Wright

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
Woody Allen

"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done."
- Anonymous
 

Ingafgrinn Macabre

Can't get enough of FH
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I like these two :D

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor.
-Victor Hugo-

It's better to be dead and cool, than alive and uncool.
Mickey Rourke (Harley Davidson) from the movie "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man"
 

Garnet

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
751
"If you think that my song isnt the best song in the world, I will fight you"

Anchorman :D
 

Brunore

Fledgling Freddie
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Jan 8, 2004
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Best. Film. Ever.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you think I'm cute Private Pyle; do you think I'm funny?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well any fucking time sweetheart!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I'm trying, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!
 

Overdriven

Dumpster Fire of The South
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"My mother just stole my boyfriend!"
"You boy friend just stole my wife!"
"Lets get back at them by getting together.... Waaaiiit a minute... Daddy didnt think that through!"


American Dad \o/
 

Lamp

Gold Star Holder!!
Joined
Jan 16, 2005
Messages
22,950
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.


W.B. Yeats
 

Dakkath

Can't get enough of FH
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Dec 24, 2003
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1,291
A couple of ones that seem to sum up things reasonably well...

Oscar Wilde said:
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

Elvis Presley said:
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."

General George Patton said:
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."

The Duchess of Windsor (when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life) said:
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
 

Speedr

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Apr 8, 2004
Messages
320
My personal favourite would be:

Professionalism has nothing to do with money, it's about the total elimination of mistakes
as the above one is from my favourite book.

Second in line would be:

Bart: We're natural born carnies dad, we could have our own stand
if we weren't tied down with a family.
Homer: Yeah, we could throw ducks at balloons and nothing seems the same
 

Tasslehoff

Fledgling Freddie
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Dec 28, 2003
Messages
1,925
Originally said by Chris Rock
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.

I found this funny at least :p
 

TeaSpoon

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
554
George Bernard Shaw said:
If I weren't an invalid, I'd kick you.

I tend to enjoy saying it to people when I'm too lazy to retort properly.
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
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Jan 23, 2004
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Well i have my own on the sig, so that would be tooting your own hornyness.

So, i refer to an ending of a classic master of pranks, Sir Bloodninja.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
 

Hawkwind

FH is my second home
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Jul 5, 2004
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Woody Allen said:
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen said:
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

P.J. O'Rourke said:
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Tommy Cooper said:
I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.

Tommy Cooper said:
So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "break my arms.

Also, like the retorts Churchill gave Lady Astor, like:

Astor, " Mr Churchill, If you were my husband I would poison your tea".
Chruchill, "If you were my wife I would drink it".

Soo many to choose from.
 

Taxii

One of Freddy's beloved
Joined
Jan 14, 2004
Messages
196
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - Douglas Adams ( The Hitchhickers Guide To The Galaxy)
 

Deepfat

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
294
In debt I owe someone a fiver,
Maybe I should try my hand at drag?
James Dean was just a careless driver
And Marilyn Monroe was just a slag.

Half-man Half-Biscuit. Could quote entire songs everyone a gem :)
 

Bracken

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 7, 2004
Messages
2,368
Outlander said:
FORK IT!
Withnail

:clap:


Love that movie, so many great quotes :D

My personal fave is

"We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here, and we want them now!" (Withnail)
 

Marc

FH is my second home
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Dec 28, 2003
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11,094
Darius Vassell when signing for city "I dont want to be playing in the coca cola league season after next so thats why I signed for city" ;)
 

popa

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Apr 26, 2004
Messages
672
"Never argue with an idiot, he'll drag you down to his level and then beat you with experience." -Adonys

" lo que no mata engorda"
hitler get a good 1 too but better dont post it
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
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Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
From sin city:

Marv: I had a fight with some cops.
Lucille: Didn't happen to kill any of them, did you?
Marv: Not that I know of, but they know they been in a fight, that's for damn sure.
 

Sollac

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 24, 2004
Messages
581
"DUMBER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS!" from O brother where art thou....

makes me chuckle :flame:
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
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One i threw on IRC:

Went to the toilet and prayed to god that gravity wouldn't fail as i would've ended up as a stain in the ceiling.
 

soze

I am a FH squatter
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Jan 22, 2004
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12,508
Fuckin hell mate you'd give a aspirin a headache - The Duke Layer Cake

Still laugh everytime i hear it
 

popa

Fledgling Freddie
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Apr 26, 2004
Messages
672
good 1 to I better not see you melle unless you are out of power -errr-
found here
 

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