Events from Jeff and Tonders journey. (Storytype thing)

[old.Tohtori]

You don't know these guys..yet. Tonder visited teh Seels vac-vac repårt in a brief "story" with Seel, Jeff on the other hand is the main "buddy" of Tonder. These two are the main characters in a book type of thing that i've been writing for some time. Just thought i'd give you a few events and whatnot. Just to point out, there might not be "teh humour" here and to those who don't really care about a little "different" discussions between two strange characters, or events in odd places turn away. To make things clear, Jeff is a char based on teh Seel so..might explain why Tonder is a bit annoyed and mostly confused. Okkie, hope you like these.

Jeff telling Tonder he's living a lie:

J: "Tonder, you really shouldn't do that."
T: "Do what?"
J: "What you're doing."
T: "But i'm not doing anything!"
J: "You need help, you're in denial."
T: "I'm not! How can i be in denial when i'm doing nothing!"
J: "Like that."
T: "..."

Tonder making the mistake of asking Jeff why he's watching the clock all the time:

J: "I'm waiting."
T: "For..?"
J: "I'll know when it happens."
T: "Right. I'll play along. And is it something special?"
J: "Would i wait if it wasn't?"
T: "I guess not... so it is something special."
J: "Don't know really, haven't seen it yet."
T: "It?"
J: "Him, her, it..stuff. Whatever i'm waiting for."

Jeff -trying- to chear Tonder up after Tonders new car got demolished by a giant ant:

J: "It's not that bad."
T: "...not that bad?! The bumber is through the windshield, all four tires are missing, the engine is halfway through the left door, the -right- door is missing, the paintwork is totalled, the exhaust pipe is a chimney now and you say -it's not that bad?!"
J: "Could be worse."
T: "How?! How by all that is holy could this be worse?!"
J: "Could be my car."

Jeff explaining Tonder how an illogical event drive works:

J: "When you want, as an example, to go to jupiter, you logically enter the coordinates to the computer, set speed and start the engines to get there."
T: "Right..."
J: "And logically when you've done all right, you get there depending on the speed of the spaceship."
T: "What does this.."
J: "Nothing."
T: "Oh."
J: "The IED works a bit different. Actually quite the opposite. You enter coordinates for jupiter and you end up halfway across the milkyway."
T: "So how do you..."
J: "By trying not to get there."
T: "Right. Ofcourse. How logical."
J: "Illogical."
T: "Sorry. Go on."
J: "Ok. Think of the most illogical thing that would happen if you pressed a random button while trying to get to mars."
T: "You would shut up and i'd be home watching the football game between Brazil and Italy."
J: "..."
T: "You asked."

Tonder at the Behind The Moon bar in neptune, feeling a bit nihilistic:

Barkeep: "What do you want kid?"
T: "For the seven seas to open up and release a force that is never before seen to chew the whole known universe and then spit it back out the way it was before i ever set my foot on that godforsaken thing they call a spacecraft."
Barkeep: "You want fries with that?"

Jeff to Tonder while running away from the monster of the seven seas with the IED burning hot:

J: "So you went inside..."
T: "mmhm."
J: "..ordered a humongous monster to destroy the universe..."
T: "Yup."
J: "..asked some fries with it.."
T: "Naturally."
J: "..and failed to notice the sign -All orders final-?"
T: "I noticed it."
J: "Right. Just checking."

The great Gorgonzola trying to be impressive towards Jeff who's trying to solve a rubics cube(for reasons unknown but higly illogical):

G: "I am the mighty Gorgonzola! Destoryer of stars and concueror of worlds!"
J: "...really?"
G: "I have been to every known planet in the universe and every being in every corner of the known existence bows down to me in fear!!"
J: "..how interesting.."
G: "Bow your head down now, pray to your gods before i shall release you from your misery puny human!"
J: "You wouldn't happen to know if this should be like this?"
G: "..."
Tonder: "Now you know how i feel."

A brief check of reality:

T: "That's a missile, right?"
J: "Right."
T: "And it's locked to us, right?"
J: "Right."
T: "And we have no defense things, right?"
J: "Right."
T: "And we're about to die, right?"
J: "Most likely."
T: "Ok. We got any more drinks?"

Alias Werdict(captain of the starfighter "Interstellar Complex") getting out of a sticky situation with the military:

Universal Military Officer: "Put your hands up and back away from the vehicle!"
AW: "Start the engine guys...Can i ask a question?"
UMO: "Make it quick!"
AW: "Have you ever seen those deadly Feralli Pulserifles?"
UMO: "No."
AW: "I'm holding one."
UMO: "Your hands are empty.."
AW: "You haven't ever seen a Feralli Pulserifle right?"
UMO: "Right."
AW: "Then how do you know i'm not holding one?"
UMO: "..."
AW: "Bye now!"
UMO: "..."

 

[gengi]

All you need now is ketchup

Later

 

[old.Tohtori]

Thanks! You always suprise me gengi since you actually read these

 

[mirieth]

As do I.

I'm fairly lost for anything to say though, as usual . Aside from that you never fail to amaze me with how much you can type . Oh, and that I think your writing is rather clever.

I guess I did have something to say then.

 

[gengi]

Originally posted by old.Tohtori
Thanks! You always suprise me gengi since you actually read these

You are more than welcome Seel. I enjoy reading your posts, they are almost invariably entertaining even when it's' like wtf man laser powered interstellar didjereedoos' , there is continuity, and conciousness.
Also like Mirieth I am usually at a loss for words, I do quite like laser powered interstellar didjereedoos'

Later, well probably tomorrow, time to knock off again and go do really interesting 'after shift Oil Rig things'.

 

[Whoodoo_RD]

Nice one again m8, hope you do this for a living, if not, you damn well should, ppl pay good money for this!

 

[Harhr]

that rocks



PS: Susta vois tulla hyvä stand-up koomikko...

 

[old.job]

It's getting too clever, I'm beginning to suspect you are a professional.

 

[old.Tohtori]

If i was a professional i'd do some racial thing like:

Ever notice that the only gender, race or age group that has never been complaining about racist or sexist slurs is the middle-aged white guy? Now isn't it a bit narrowminded to slack of religions, races and gender and still give no beatdown to the middle-aged white guy?

I say we form a support group, the MAWG support union. A place where the middle-aged white guy can get racial slurs thrown at him and where his sexuality is being opressed by narrowminded MAWG haters.

See? I'm not a professional. Honest.

 

[Validus]

i'm beginning to suspect he stole the ideas from a douglas adams book

 

[Validus]

if not, he's a solid heir to the throne of insane writing, as douglas adams (RIP) made room

 

[old.Tohtori]

Most certainly can't remember all five books of Hitchhiker but i have written these from the silly depths of my mind. Never would want to plagiarise Douggie the God of Humour(RIP) and if i have, i ask anyone to correct me if they spot one.

Afterall i have read them and might be that the subconcious mind has played a nasty trick.

Anyway, heir to -that- throne must be the best damn compliment i've ever recieved validus. Thanks

 

[-Lonewolf-]

I smell a website with cartoony drawings coming out of this

 

[Munkey-]

schlock!