Don't know if I can do this anymore...

[russell]

Some of you will know that I am very nearly a teacher. Today was the first day when I have had to walk out of class and leave the kids (there was a TA there).

3 weeks ago Evie's mum died suddenly of Cancer. She was in recovery from Breast Cancer but they had missed the fact that she was riddled with secondary Cancer, so she declined very quickly and was allowed home to die. Evie is nearly 8 and the loveliest, funniest child you could imagine.

She clung to me today in class, as I wore the same perfume as her mum did, I didnt know. I felt terrible. She then broke my heart by telling me how much she misses her mum and that she is worried that she will forget what she looks like and all about hearing Daddy cry at night.

I held it together and told her how proud her mum would be of her. I smiled, hugged her and distracted her. Set the class a task and left the classroom to bawl.

God life is cruel -to have to bear that at 7, and to such a lovely child, to never have her mother. It has pretty much destroyed me all day and made me wonder if I am tough enough to do this.

I also have Robbie, whose parents just don't care. He is adorable, but destined to end up with the wrong crowd as he is easily led. I spend time boosting his self -esteem. His parents send him in with hardly any lunch, no coat in the bitter cold, no water or hat in the baking sun and I gather from him they dont really interact with him much -he just plays computer games. He always looks so sad.

It makes me want to pick him up and take him home, and all I can do is try and make the classroom as safe and happy place for him. Teachers hands are tied and we can't interfere without really concrete evidence of abuse or neglect.

Tonight I am in bits, and I should imagine most teachers have to deal with this alot of the time. I know I need to man up but this had really thrown me today. And I have to go back into class

 

[Trem]

Chin up luv.

Its awful when these things happen but they do happen and we can't save them all. I suppose being a teacher you have to let go of a lot of stuff and thats what you need to decide if you can do....let go to some extent.

I was almost in tears yesterday reading about the couple who jumped off beachy head cliff with their son in their backpack. He had died a few days before they jumped. I reckon I would of done the same.

I hope you feel better soon and in some way you are making these kids lifes better than you think, we all remember the kind teachers from school.

 

[Kryten]

It makes me glad to think that there are actually people out there that do care. These kids are our future, and are a huge part of someones lives. Should they lose them (kids/parents, vice versa) it's a huge mental strain on them and people dont have a clue how to react. For someone to stop and think about it for just a moment then act in such a way shows a huge level of care. It's hard, it will no doubt happen again in slightly different circumstances but keep your chin up and think that you might actually be able to make a difference in these kid's lives, as I'm sure you have already.

 

[Malecheon]

It's hard, it will no doubt happen again in slightly different circumstances but keep your chin up and think that you might actually be able to make a difference in these kid's lives, as I'm sure you have already.

Kryten's hit the nail on the head. It's going to be hard for you, but your reaction is exactly the reason why you should be a teacher, because there are kids out there that need people who care to take an interest in them and guide them on the right path.

Everyone remembers at least one teacher who was nice to them and made a difference, and you could be that person

 

[nath]

Everyone remembers at least one teacher who was nice to them and made a difference, and you could be that person

I was just going to type just this. Those special teachers are fairly rare and the fact that you care so much shows that you'll probably end up being one. It sounds really fucking tough, but stick at it. What you're doing actually *matters* and not many people can say that (without it being a big bag of shit).

Oh, and if you're wearing a v-neck top, watch out for kids asking you to do up their shoelaces. It's a trick, I did it myself when I was a nipper. Doesn't work so much nowadays though :\.

 

[throdgrain]

My wifes mum died of cancer when my wife was 5, and her Dad went off and left her to be brought up by her nan. They had some hard times indeed, and other kids pick up on this and bullied her.

She got through it though, mostly by learning by the age of 12 how to defend herself very ablely, to the result that of course instead of being bullied she became a kid other kids were a bit scared of sometimes.

She's come through that and has and has had a great and normal life.

Mind you, her other 3 sisters are fucking maniacs ....

 

[old.Tohtori]

Many things have been said; we remember the nice teachers, you can influence without interfering, you can make a difference.

I wanted to add this:

You're not a quitter.

Even if you feel bad and want to quit, you know that you'd feel even worse if you stopped trying.

 

[nath]

They had some hard times indeed, and other kids pick up on this and bullied her.

Sheesh, aren't kids precious :\.

 

[throdgrain]

Sheesh, aren't kids precious :\.

I don't get it

 

[Mey]

Just wanted to say that I was very moved by the obvious compassion you display in your work. As others have said you clearly have a passion for teaching and this is something that you should treasure and never let anyone take away from you!

 

[Mey]

O by the way, I used to be a volunteer bereavement counsellor for under 16's, one thing I found that many children found useful was to make a memory box/book of things that reminded them of their mum/dad/granparent etc..

She might find it useful too.

It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just things that will bring back an instant memory.

It might be something to suggest to her Dad as something they could do together?

 

[Ctuchik]

tough shit when that happens. not sure its any better but after a few months of that happening it wont get to you as much.

u'l probably have to drop a niagra falls every now and then for sure but for the most parts you can shrug it off.

or rather, your gonna have to be able to if u want to be a teacher. or you wont do anything but cry day in day out.

a teacher of today is the kids version of a bartender, they get to hear every sad story in existance even if they dont want to.


so unfortunately its either grow a thick skin or look for something else to do.

 

[tris-]

Might sound harsh but if you fuck it off, then surely youre failing the kids when your aim is to help them. Bad stuff happens to everyone, kids or not.

 

[Sparx]

Sounds to me like your going to make an excellent teacher. The teachers that always stand out in my mind growing up were the ones who listened and gunuinely wanted to help. Also the ones who made me laugh

 

[Nate]

I agree that if you leave, what will you be leaving these kids to? You don't know what the next teacher will be like and I don't think the best or most experienced one could have handled those situations better. Imagine one of Robbie's parents teaching your class and handling the situation with Evie. You shouldn't let that happen, or even have a chance of that happening.

Keep it going, take the rough with the smooth.

 

[Bugz]

Russell, I've always had the most respect for teachers who care about their students in the classroom; more so for those who take that extra step in making them feel good as best they can.

You may not be able to make a difference outside of school, but a kid being comforted or well-taught at school is a blessing and is something that will benefit him forever.

The missus works with the disabled kids at the school she works at. I think sometimes it gets to her too (the cruelty of the world in general), but she remembers that without her helping them at school, they wouldn't learn as much or feel as comfortable.

Keep at it and think positively - for the things you can offer; not for the things you cannot!

 

[Thugz]

Mmmmm. Bit of an odd situation this. Sounds like you will make a great teacher as already mentioned. You will be no good to the kids though if you left - obviously - or became ill through worry by becoming too attached. There are teachers and there are social workers. Maybe you need to consider some self preservative measures and back off a little from all this emotional entanglement. Aren't there other teachers or councillors you can talk too about your feelings and worries? My sister is a teacher and I know times can get tough. You need a shoulder to cry on by the sounds of it. Try and find one that can understand your concerns.

 

[Kryten]

Some very good points raised here, especially about the teachers we all remember ourselves that actually took the time to sit and listen.
I say go for it, get yourself through it all, become a teacher. Perhaps it's worth looking into other areas of the same profession too - perhaps as a Senco, making that sense of care count for something.

I've been working in schools with teachers and kids now for 6 months, and it's clear to see which people actually give two hoots, and which just turn up to get paid at the end of the month. Although I'm rarely directly involved with the children, I still get people running up to me if they've grazed their knee or just upset about something. I'm not even staff, but it doesn't stop me coming over all sympathetic and calming them down whilst I go and find a staff member to help. I'm not sure what I'd do in your shoes, I suspect I'd be thinking exactly the same things you are. But please, put it to good use.

 

[`mongoose]

Keep going russell.

It's tough but good caring teachers are essential in this day and age of not my fault parenting.

M

 

[Jupitus]

Russ - noone can make the decision on this but you. I echo the thoughts of the others, though, in that you are clearly by far and a way one of the special few teachers out there who pupils will connect with and gain a really positive life experience from. My parents split when I was very young, and during my teens my Mum was working full time and my brother left to live with my Dad. I had a couple of teachers who I got along with famously and I know looking back how much they helped me during that transition (hell, Mr Palmer used to let me drive his 2CV!).

It is only to be expected that you will need to vent this through tears or outpouring your heart somewhere like here.... I think I speak for all of us when I say that you have our respect and should feel both proud and free to share your experiences here if you feel it helps and keeps you working with those kids that will benefit from your caring attitude.

 

[russell]

Lovely posts, feel better today. You lot are great and this is much appreciated.

I think I wont ever be able to distance myself and not care, as it is not in my nature, but I am sure that I will learn to be a little more resiliant. Maybe its worse as I am older and a mother - i dont know.

I cant give up as Mr Russell will kill me after 2 years training! I have a few people who understand me whom I can talk to.

Sometimes I think the world we live in is just so fucked up, and its harsh, but some parents don't deserve to have children if they cant care for themon a basic level.

 

[mycenae]

I echo others sentiments Russ, don't give it up.
I too see kids in shitty situations through my work...and I have been living with that since 2000 when I first started training. As you identified, it can sometimes be SO hard to leave it all at the door when you come home, nor do you feel that you should, that SOMEONE should care about what these kids are going through. All I can say, is, that believe it or not, with time and experience, it gets a little easier. Seeing these sorts of things repeatedly does eventually harden you to their effects, and, awful as it may sound, you do learn how to maintain that little bit of distance that means you can cope a little more.

Hell, I still have days when I come home and sob at Vae, about how unjust the world can be. BUT, I have had to start looking at it the other way, as others have suggested. I can and do make a difference to these children, and thats what matters, becuase they will remember it. If you can make school and the classroom a safe and happy place for them, it'll make their little lives a lot easier in hard times.

Trust me on this hun...you're doing an amazing job and you're going to make a fabulous teacher. Stick at it, it'll be so rewarding x xx

 

[Aoami]

My mum is a teacher, and one of her pupils died recently in a motorbike accident. She had a cry, and was a mess for 2 or 3 days, but she still got on with it, because these things happen.

When my mum first became a teacher we were living with my nan, 6 of us in a 3 bed house, i shared a room with 2 of my siblings, and my mum slept on a sofa downstairs for 6 months. We did this because my mum couldn't afford a place of her own. I know how much hard work it was for her and it's things like that that give her the drive to be a great teacher, because so much hard work went into it. It's not easy, but someone's got to do it!

 

[taB]

Sounds like you're doing a great job tbh. People who care seem to be a rare breed these days.

Everyone remembers at least one teacher who was nice to them and made a difference, and you could be that person

I remember the French teacher with the amazing norks.

 

[Nate]

My French Teacher had a massive arse

 

[tris-]

My first French teacher did something naughty with a student, if rumours are true.

 

[Nate]

She wore proper tight trousers too