Dirty Christmas songs..

[cHodAX]

..post them here. Such classics as....

'I saw mummy sucking Santa Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night'.

and...

'Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer
Had a very smelly rack
He had his head and antlers
All the way up Santa's crack'


You get the idea, so get posting, the best one gets a prize.

 

[Mojo]

Kevin Bloody Wilson (Ho Ho Fucking Ho)

(Chorus)
Ho Ho Fucking Ho
What a croc of shit,
We all work for Santa Claus
We've had enough, we quit,
'Cause we do all the fuckin' work
While he stars in the show,
Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

I'm Rudolf & I quit
Just whos he think he is,
That little fat **** said back in the sleigh,
Crackin' that fuckin' whip,
And me stuck up the front,
Of these other useless *****,
Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

Ho Ho Fucking Ho
What a croc of shit,
We all work for Santa Claus
We've had enough, we quit,
'Cause we do all the fuckin' work
While he stars in the show
Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

And what about us elves,
We've had enough as well
Workin' in that feezin' factory
Cold as fuckin' hell,
Workin' til we drop
With our bollocks freezin' off,
Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

Ho Ho Fucking Ho
What a croc of shit,
We all work for Santa Claus
We've had enough, we quit,
'Cause we do all the fuckin' work
While he stars in the show
Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

I'm Santa Claus's wife,
I know what he's really like,
Sneakin' into them little kids rooms
He's a fuckin' pediphile,
A devious old drunk,
And I'm married to the ****,
So stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho fucking ho

Ho Ho Fucking Ho
What a croc of shit,
We all work for Santa Claus
We've had enough, we quit,
'Cause we do all the fuckin' work
While he stars in the show
Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho Ho Fucking Ho

Stick ya Christmas up ya arse,
Ho - Ho - Fucking - Ho

 

[Mojo]

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Christmas Song

Hey Santa claus you ****!

Where's me fucking bike?

I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.

I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice

Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.

If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.

And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!

You've stuffed me bloody order up

It's enough to make you spew

And I'm not the only one who's snakey

Me sisters dirty too!

(female voice)
Hey santa clause you ****!

Where's me fucking pram?

You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.

'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand

I'll give you fucking ho ho ho

You forgot me fucking pram

(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts

And I'll let your fucking reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!

You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store

And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door

And we'll say, yeah you wait for it

Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes

And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies

He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright

'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike.

You wait you old ****, I'm gonna dob you in

Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out

'I saw mummy sucking santa clause'

 

[Mojo]

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Santa Got Stoned At Christmas lyrics


Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Thought I'd stopped believin' in Santa
Untill last Christmas night
I was havin' a quiet little cone on me own
When I looked up into the sky
I saw this sleigh comin' outta controle
Headin' straight for my place
Crashed and burned in my backyard
Woah Santa was off his face

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Yeah Santa was wrecked a total mess
When he dropped in outta the blue
In a bettered old sled full of whacky way
And six bent reindeer too
Now you might think
That I'm makin' this up
But you can think what you like
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And so was I

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Yeah Santa was ripped at Christmas
Shit faced maggotted stoned
And
When I helped him untagle his reindeer
He offered me a cone
Well then I strapped him back
In that battered old sled
N'after one more toke of the bong
And a crack of the whip
and a 'Come you bastards'
Santa Clause was gone

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

'Come you bastards'

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Yeah,
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And so was I

 

[Mojo]

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Kristmas Without Snow


It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho

Snow was a filthy ol' bastard,
And getting worse with age
A dirty old man, but a funny old ****
Twisted and depraved
But the young mums loved old Snow
'cuz he looked like Santa Claus
And they'd bring their kids to meet him
And to hear him (raspy voice) HO HO HO

It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho

And Snow would con 'em young mums
To sit on Santa's knee...
Snow loved them bouncing young mums bums
The fucking filthy sleaze.
But all the young mums loved him too
And they loved to sit with Snow
And Snow would bounce 'em up and down
And you'd hear him (raspy voice) HO HO HO.

It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho

And Snow just couldn't help himself
The deviant old prick
And with them young mums bouncing on his knee
He'd be fumblin' for his zip.
Then he'd casually take the young mum's hand
And move it nice and slow
And drop it on his floppy cock
And you'd hear him (raspy) HO...HO HO...OH

It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
It wouldn't be Kristmas without snow
You'll know Santa's coming when you hear him ho ho ho
It wouldn't be Kr

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, i'll contribute as i only can...

Ooooooooooooh the weather outside is frightful.
but my feelings so delightful.
And since i've no place to go
Let her blow! Let her blow! Let her blow!

She doesn't show signs of stopping
she's sucking my corn for popping.
The lights are turned way down low!
Let her blow! Let her blow! Let her blow!

Then she'll finally get it going right.
And has eaten all my juice so warm.
but if she'll really hold on it tight,
All the way i'll go like in porn!

The action is slowly dying,
but, my dear, we're still "goodbying".
and as long as she sucks me so,
Let her blow! Let her blow! Let her blow!

 

[Gamah]

Well, i'll contribute as i only can...

Ooooooooooooh the weather outside is frightful.
but my feelings so delightful.
And since i've no place to go
Let her blow! Let her blow! Let her blow!

She doesn't show signs of stopping
she's sucking my corn for popping.
The lights are turned way down low!
Let her blow! Let her blow! Let her blow!

Then she'll finally get it going right.
And has eaten all my juice so warm.
but if she'll really hold on it tight,
All the way i'll go like in porn!

The action is slowly dying,
but, my dear, we're still "goodbying".
and as long as she sucks me so,
Let her blow! Let her blow! Let her blow!

:worthy:

 

[Neffneff]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA

not sure if its what yer after, but it made me chuckle.