Dear President Bush...

[Uncle Sick]

Taken from a US board... I think it's quite amusing.

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.



Now I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.



1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? What if I can afford Celine Dion? Or Gretzky?



2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?



3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. What does Laura say?



4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?



5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or can you send your Secret Service to do it?



6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev.11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? Is anal sex safer than Lobster Newburgh -- or the other way around?



7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?



8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?



9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?



10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone him? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn him to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)



I know you have studied these things extensively since you were born again and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.



And thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 

[fatbusinessman]

Teh funneh

 

[Wile E. Coyote]

Unbeliever! Repent! REPENT! REPENT! Eternal damnation awaits yee!

The old testament is full of fun!

 

[Ch3tan]

Nice quote, bought a grin to my face.

 

[behatch]

hehehe

 

[Gengi]

ery Nice Uncle Sick

 

[Turamber]

Yep, it's funny. However, if only for the record, I would like to point out that the New Testament - which Christians follow - makes it clear that a lot of those practices were no longer applicable. However the view that homosexuality is detestable to God (i.e. the act and not the people) is included in the NT.

That said many church theologians have no problem with homosexuality ... but then some of them don't believe in God either, which I personally find a lil strange.

 

[Tom]

Many church theologians have no problems fiddling with children either.

 

[fatbusinessman]

However, if only for the record, I would like to point out that the New Testament - which Christians follow - makes it clear that a lot of those practices were no longer applicable.

But surely Deuteronomy 4:2 says that God's word is unchanging?

 

[DaGaffer]

Yep, it's funny. However, if only for the record, I would like to point out that the New Testament - which Christians follow - makes it clear that a lot of those practices were no longer applicable. However the view that homosexuality is detestable to God (i.e. the act and not the people) is included in the NT.

That said many church theologians have no problem with homosexuality ... but then some of them don't believe in God either, which I personally find a lil strange.

So if I was Jewish I could still do all that stuff? Cool. Now where's my stoning kit...

 

[old.Tohtori]

Bible needs a CoC in my honest opinion...

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[Turamber]

But surely Deuteronomy 4:2 says that God's word is unchanging?

Look at the context of the verses. The nation of Israel entered into a covenant with God, a legal arrangement. He would do certain things and they were required to meet certain obligations - the verse you are referring to is his promise that this is all that he required of them, and he wouldn't be pulling new rules out of the hat (so to speak) for them at a later stage.

As for whether modern Hebrews are bound to the law covenant is another matter all together. The view of most Christians is that the penal clauses in the Law Covenant (if you read on God promises to put aside the covenant if they fail to keep it) were such that they are no longer his chosen nation, and so no longer required to keep the law covenant as laid out in the OT.

 

[Uncle Sick]

I have given up on discussing any sort of religious matters with people simply because you either believe in it (more or less fanatically) or not.

I much rather quote Karl Marx here... "Religion. Opium for the people".

 

[throdgrain]

"Religion is the opiate of the people" I think is how it went


Luv from Mr Pedantic

 

[DavidH]

"5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or can you send your Secret Service to do it?"

That one gave me a good chuckle, thats for sure

 

[Catsby]

Catsby suggests that you read Revelations. Catsby has found it full of good wholesome stuff that Catsby wouldn't let his kids read untill they reach the age of 18.

Untill then catsby has his tatoo kit at the ready.

 

[maxi]

"Religion is the opiate of the people" I think is how it went


Luv from Mr Pedantic

opiate of the masses.

and that line can apply to a lot of things these days. TV, Food, Computer Games....


Since i last asked, has anyone heard McCarthy - the well of lonliness yet?

 

[throdgrain]

Opiate of the masses, you are correct. I stand corrected