Lamp
Gold Star Holder!!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Messages
- 23,001
> It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual
>honor given to the (primarily American) persons who did the gene pool the
>biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid
>way.
>
> Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
>toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
>This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.HONEST!
>
> Read on...and remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
>
>And the nominees were.................
>
>Semi-finalist #1
>
> A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
>because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
>milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill and he vomited into
>the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
>house down, killing both him and his sister.
>
>Semi-finalist #2
>
> Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
>another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
>occupants of the other plane but lost control of their own aircraft and
>crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
>their ankles.
>
>Semi-finalist #3
>
> A 22-year-old American man was found dead after he tried to use octopus
>straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County
>police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
>together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
>trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
>
> Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
>was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
>had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
>ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major
>trauma."
>
>Semi-finalist #4
>
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
>friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
>friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
>
>Semi-finalist #5
>
> Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
>a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
>potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
>been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
>
> Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in
>the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
>described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
>retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
>
>Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
>exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.Nothing was found of
>the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
>
> The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of
>as ''bright'' by his peers.
>
>...................now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's
>Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously)................
>
>The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in
>the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
>wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
>type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
>
> Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.
>
> An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
>Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
>heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
>airfields.
>
> He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
>straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in,
>got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
>
>The facts, as best as could be determined, are that the operator of the
>1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3 miles
>from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted
>asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have
>reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds
>well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional
>20-25 seconds.
>
>The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually
>reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him
>to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
>
> However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
>miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the
>brakes, blowing the tyres and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
>surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting
>the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet
>deep in the rock.
>
>Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments
>of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and
>bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of
>the steering wheel.
>
>Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of
>approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the
>ground!!!
>
> R. I. P.
>honor given to the (primarily American) persons who did the gene pool the
>biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid
>way.
>
> Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
>toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
>This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.HONEST!
>
> Read on...and remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
>
>And the nominees were.................
>
>Semi-finalist #1
>
> A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
>because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
>milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill and he vomited into
>the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
>house down, killing both him and his sister.
>
>Semi-finalist #2
>
> Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
>another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
>occupants of the other plane but lost control of their own aircraft and
>crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
>their ankles.
>
>Semi-finalist #3
>
> A 22-year-old American man was found dead after he tried to use octopus
>straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County
>police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
>together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
>trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
>
> Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
>was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
>had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
>ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major
>trauma."
>
>Semi-finalist #4
>
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
>friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
>friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
>
>Semi-finalist #5
>
> Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
>a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
>potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
>been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
>
> Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in
>the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
>described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
>retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
>
>Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
>exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.Nothing was found of
>the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
>
> The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of
>as ''bright'' by his peers.
>
>...................now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's
>Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously)................
>
>The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in
>the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
>wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
>type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
>
> Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.
>
> An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
>Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
>heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
>airfields.
>
> He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
>straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in,
>got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
>
>The facts, as best as could be determined, are that the operator of the
>1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3 miles
>from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted
>asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have
>reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds
>well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional
>20-25 seconds.
>
>The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually
>reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him
>to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
>
> However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
>miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the
>brakes, blowing the tyres and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
>surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting
>the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet
>deep in the rock.
>
>Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments
>of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and
>bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of
>the steering wheel.
>
>Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of
>approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the
>ground!!!
>
> R. I. P.
