"Cute" comebacks thread.

[old.Tohtori]

Over-preaching womantype: She only married you for the money!

"Well, i only married her for the pu**y."



Bring your own.

 

[Ezteq]

you only married her for the putty? ya know if you got dodgy windows you can buy the stuff at B&Q no need to get married.....no need to ever get married.. ever, even if your windows are fallin out and she got some mighty stlong putty...DONT DO IT!!!!

 

[Binky the Bomb]

Actual conversation took place last week: (Note A is the woman, B was myself)

A: I wish I could find a guy who lasts longer than 10 mins in bed.
B: It's usually guys like me who can last an hour in the sack (I was drunk and boastful, sue me!)
A: Yeah.... But I don't like dating guys like you.
B: And who's fault is that?

After replaying this convo over, you may notice the flaw in her logic, and the reason I couldn't stop laughing all week.

 

[Hansmoleman]

A: I wish I could find a guy who lasts longer than 10 mins in bed.
B: It's usually guys like me who can last an hour in the sack (I was drunk and boastful, sue me!)
A: Yeah.... But I don't like dating guys like you.
B: And who's fault is that?

After replaying this convo over, you may notice the flaw in her logic, and the reason I couldn't stop laughing all week.

i dont get it, it could be me but

 

[Hawkwind]

Wife looks at poster add for holiday company (basically a fit girls arse in a bikini). Wife says, "wish my bum looked like that!".

"So do I", I replied.

Now anytime we have an argument she always brings up the fact that I supposidly said her arse looked big and I dont wuv her anymore!

A short lesson to all. Anytime you get the urge to make a smart quip, don't. It will come back to haunt you!

 

[Overdriven]

Actual conversation took place last week: (Note A is the woman, B was myself)

A: I wish I could find a guy who lasts longer than 10 mins in bed.
B: It's usually guys like me who can last an hour in the sack (I was drunk and boastful, sue me!)
A: Yeah.... But I don't like dating guys like you.
B: And who's fault is that?

After replaying this convo over, you may notice the flaw in her logic, and the reason I couldn't stop laughing all week.

lmfao Took me 2 reads to figure it out .

 

[Ezteq]

rofl binky!!
btw never ever ever under any circumstances diss your wifes/gf's butt, you'll never hear the end of it <baa daa chaa!>

this guys at work (paint sprayer) bugging to the girl next to me and was boasting about his bedroom prowess "it'd bring tears to your eyes love" couldnt resist it "yeah i think i'd cry too if you shagged me".... luckily i use scalples in my work so he didnt attempt to assult me.

this arse hole at school going on about his pre pubescent nob being like an atom bomb "what you mean it goes off within seconds after contact?"
<edit> then i ran like fook while others were laughing and creating a general distraction, if your going to be a smart arse it pays to be a fast runner too

 

[tRoG]

then i ran like fook while others were laughing and creating a general distraction, if your going to be a smart arse it pays to be a fast runner too

wimp

 

[Vindicator]

Guy and a girl in a Cloths shop

Girl:" Does this Dress make me look fat ?"
Guy:" No, you do."

Or how do you piss off your Female Archaeologist Friend ?

Hand her a Tampon and ask her what Period it's From.

hmmm but more on topic for cute comebacks have to be the chat up line's 1 xD

Guy:" How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Girl:" Unfertilized Thanks."
*Extra Cerdit Guy comeback-Comeback for the smart / petty guys as to get the last word in xD

Guy:" Fine then I'll just cum in your face" xDDD

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

you go up to girl ..

You "Fancy a dance/drink ?"

She "Get lost"

You "Do't think you heard me ... what i said was you look fat in that dress"

THen leg it =)

 

[Eroa]

you go up to girl ..

You "Fancy a dance/drink ?"

She "Get lost"

You "Do't think you heard me ... what i said was you look fat in that dress"

THen leg it =)

hehe.. quite good tbh

 

[Brunore]

One I heard in a club...

Some guy hitting on a girl next to him...

Him "Hi, your pretty..."
Her "fuck off"
Him "Dont interrupt, your pretty ugly."

I was laughing for about 5 mins solid and I bought him as drink as it was the best stfu come back I have ever heard.

 

[Ezteq]

wimp

dude im 5 foot now at school i was even smaller, your damn right im a wimp!! as you may notice i am also still alive. Rar for wimps!!!

 

[kerosene]

My wife's doing the old looking in the mirror after a shower routine..I'm playing computer.

Wife: God. Look at my hips. I swear that's cellulite.
Me: hmm?
Wife: Oh god. My arse is huge!
Me: arrgh..dammit killed again!
Wife: I think I've got two new wrinkles too!
Me: <click><click>

The wife goes and sits on the bed..

Wife: You're supposed to say something nice at this point!
Me: Your eyesight's good...

 

[Pimliko]

My wife's doing the old looking in the mirror after a shower routine..I'm playing computer.

Wife: God. Look at my hips. I swear that's cellulite.
Me: hmm?
Wife: Oh god. My arse is huge!
Me: arrgh..dammit killed again!
Wife: I think I've got two new wrinkles too!
Me: <click><click>

The wife goes and sits on the bed..

Wife: You're supposed to say something nice at this point!
Me: Your eyesight's good...

this one is great ^^

 

[Pimliko]

nice one

One I heard in a club...

Some guy hitting on a girl next to him...

Him "Hi, your pretty..."
Her "fuck off"
Him "Dont interrupt, your pretty ugly."

I was laughing for about 5 mins solid and I bought him as drink as it was the best stfu come back I have ever heard.

definatly gotta rember this one :worthy: :worthy:

 

[haarewin]

My wife's doing the old looking in the mirror after a shower routine..I'm playing computer.

Wife: God. Look at my hips. I swear that's cellulite.
Me: hmm?
Wife: Oh god. My arse is huge!
Me: arrgh..dammit killed again!
Wife: I think I've got two new wrinkles too!
Me: <click><click>

The wife goes and sits on the bed..

Wife: You're supposed to say something nice at this point!
Me: Your eyesight's good...

:worthy: :worthy:

 

[Binky the Bomb]

Class dude.

I have advice for all men out there, Never under any circumstances call your girlfriend "The next best thing" aloud, not even in jest or when your angry. It's not worth it.

Women are like debts, once a month you pay for having them. (Think carefully when using this one).

After recieving an insult from a woman, reply:
"you want me, don't you!"
"no!" is usually the reply.
"Then why waste the effort on me, unless your interested?" This will guarantee a victory provided you say it with charm and timing. Also, a few laughs from mates also helps. Humming madnesses "It must be love" also helps, especially if you can keep a grin on your face.

If the driver of your taxi sudddenly says "The brakes have failed" calmly say "Turn the meter off then".

If your girlfriend asks "Does she look prettier than me?" Immediately reply "In what way?" This throws all blame and responcibility for any answer back at her. It's an evil trick women employ, and this is the only way you can get around it, because to answer now she's giving you "permission" to check out another woman. Take note gentlemen.

Finally, if your sleeping with someone for 6 months, and you havent met there parents or friends, you are NOT dating them. (I like to use this line on the new girlfriends of my friends. Relationships without stress are no fun for onlookers).

 

[Marc]

if a fat bird tries to chat u up

"jesus, looks like someone poured you into that dress and forgot to say stop"

 

[Brunore]

if a fat bird tries to chat u up

"jesus, looks like someone poured you into that dress and forgot to say stop"

Pwnage!!1

 

[kelless]

Read a story once of a guy getting out of a taxi after paying the guy . He then reached over and put something in the taxi driverss top pocket , slapped the taxi driver on the shoulder saying " have a drink on me " .
The taxi driver thanked the guy and drove off , when he got down the road a 100 yards he checked his top pocket and found a teabag .

 

[Ezteq]

Read a story once of a guy getting out of a taxi after paying the guy . He then reached over and put something in the taxi driverss top pocket , slapped the taxi driver on the shoulder saying " have a drink on me " .
The taxi driver thanked the guy and drove off , when he got down the road a 100 yards he checked his top pocket and found a teabag .

Looooooooooooool

 

[Cavex ElSaviour]

:worthy:

My wife's doing the old looking in the mirror after a shower routine..I'm playing computer.

Wife: God. Look at my hips. I swear that's cellulite.
Me: hmm?
Wife: Oh god. My arse is huge!
Me: arrgh..dammit killed again!
Wife: I think I've got two new wrinkles too!
Me: <click><click>

The wife goes and sits on the bed..

Wife: You're supposed to say something nice at this point!
Me: Your eyesight's good...

:worthy: :worthy: Class

 

[Coccas]

very rearely i have this much laughs from reading a thread

 

[Ezteq]

me bf came out with a classic yesterday, you know those irritating folk who always say "theres no I in team!!" well he reallly hates that and replied "yeah but theres a U in c*nt" must say this alone earned my undying love and awe

 

[old.Tohtori]

"There's no I in team but with the letters you can make the word meat and there's an I in meatpie so nyah!"

 

[Marc]

The greatest comeback in history, has to be winston churchill's classic. I forget who it was, but some lady said to him "look at the state of you, you are drunk" to which churchill replied "and you are ugly, but i will be sober in the morning"

 

[Serbitar]

theres no i in team but theres a me if you look hard enough

 

[Castalot]

Used this in a bar a few times..in my younger days..:

Have to be done with smile though, or u could be slapped a bit


Walked up to a girl (preferrably with a nice rack, but whatever suits u..)

I: Hey, will u sleep with me for 10 £ ?
She: No way! what the hell etc etc....
I: <seems disappointed> damn, I could really use the money... <smiles>


.. some girls just got really pissed, end of conversation etc... but if the girl would see the humor it was actually a good opener, did hook up with 2 of them

 

[Ezteq]

The greatest comeback in history, has to be winston churchill's classic. I forget who it was, but some lady said to him "look at the state of you, you are drunk" to which churchill replied "and you are ugly, but i will be sober in the morning"

lol that dude was class, also said (think with same woman)
woman: "sir if i was your wife i'd put poison in your tea!"
churchill: "Madam if you were my wife i'd drink it!"

btw ace will you sleep with me for a tenner love that!