Council letter quotes.

[Wilier]

The following extracts have been taken from letters received by Councils and Housing Associations:-

I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall..

I wish to complain that tiles are missing from my ouotside toilet roof... I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off..

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen..
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster. The rest are filthy..

I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavotory seat is broken in half in three places.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have three children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children untill it is cleared.

My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand.

Will you please send someone round to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

We are getting married in Septmeber and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night

 

[GDW]

You have really too much time on you hands today. Hasnt this been posted like 17 1/2 times already?

 

[dysfunction]

I think it first came out in 1987

 

[Sharma]

My mates been going on about these for a few years now;

A i remember such ones as:

"The cooker set on fire and blew my knob off"

"The man next door has a large erection, it is unsafe and unsightly"

"the man next dor smells slightly of cabbage"

and the like.

Do tell where you found them, my mate lost the document a while back.

 

[Tom]

Reminds me of a Bernard Manning sketch:

"Councillor, its about these roofs!"

"What about them?"

"We want one!"




"Councillor, when are you going to fix our walls, our neighbour keeps opening his oven and basting our bloody chicken through the oven!"

 

[mank]

I swear I posted this years ago, I think I might be going mad

 

[djpringle]

Wow, a Jasper Carrot revival

 

[Jonny_Darko]

This reminds me of something.

Did anyone see that American site about the guy who was documenting his neighbour's behaviour over, like, a year?

I probably got it off these forums, if not I'll have to dig it out on monday - it's hi-larious.

 

[Munkey-]

with the redneck mowing the lawn in the middle of the night?

aye

if you find it do tell

 

[Wilier]

OK, Id just like to clear up that I didnt personally want to post these. Someone at work asked me too................... and I thought they were funneh.............and hadnt seen them before ..............and..................and

 

[Clowneh!]

You already know what I think

 

[psygnal]

Some of Jasper Carrots were great... though after you've watched him read them out at EVERY SINGLE DAMN SHOW HE HAS you start to get sick of them...

Car Insurance Claim Forms...

"He was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I drove into the wrong driveway and hit a tree I didn't have."

"I watched with horror as the slow sad-faced old man bounced off the bonnet of my car."

"After the accident I felt fine, but upon removing my helmet I found I had a fractured skull."

Rob

Paintball Manager Extreme
http://www.paintball.co.nz/m3/