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Gef
Guest
This is the ultimate guide to counter-strike. I have been playing counter-strike now for over 7 years and so have picked up a few things I would like to share with everyone to make them as amazing at CS as me. So lets get started! I'm presuming you have installed CS and put your CD key in. If you have warezed cs and don't have a cd key yet just ask on forums, in chat room and in newsgroups.. you will soon get one.
Setting UP!!
Gameplay
Advanced Teckneycs
Setting UP!!
- Choose a name to use in game. Try to be really original.. you don't want to be mistaken for a newbie! You dont want to look like an idiot though, so try to choose a name that makes you look cool, like one from The Matrix or Wrestling. If you think the name looks too shit add Mastah!!!1 to the end, or convert a's to @'s. Instead of being called 'killer' be called 'kI||@h!!'. People will be that shit scared of you they wont have time to think!!!11
- Time to set your graphics to the max!! Choose the highest resolution you can get, and full screen aniantilaslisng, it doesn't matter if it runs like a slidehow as long as it looks shit hot!
- Set up your controls, All the newbies use their mouse, they know nothing. I recommend using the 'Bigronat SpeedMaster' 38 button gamepad. If god saw this bastard coming he would have given us more fingers! LMFAO ROFLMAYONAISE
- Get your scripts set up. You need a script that tells all of your team exactly what you're doing, when you're doing it, and where you're doing it. The best script is the 'Schalt Mast@h all purpose cs pro script' It has binds for EVERYTHING. You might have seen it around its the one that says " ******* STATUS REPORT ****** IM RELOADING MY AK-47, I WILL BE FINISHED IN APPROXIMATELY 3.3 SECONDS, I AM UNDER THE BRIDGE, COVER ME! ". Your team will love you for this, it premotes teamplay and communication, so its a good thing.
- If you can find somewhere to download cheats then download them, dont belive the rumors about stealing cd keys and shutting down your mouse, its all crap, 90% of people cheat, do you really want to be a loser who gets shit all over because you dont!?
- Find a spray paint of a naked woman with 'PWNED' written all over it
Gameplay
- All maps in cs have either de_ cs_ or as_ in front of them. de_ are the best because they stand for deathmatch which is the mostest fun.
- It's your first try, so you need an easy map. Join any old server and vote for de_dust. Everyone loves dust so they will love you for suggesting the very idea of changing to this map. If they don't agree then bind a key to "say 'VOTE 7!! DE_DUST!!'" and keep pressing it until these newbie scum realize that DE_Dust is the bestest map EVER!
- You need to find out if FF is on, don't ask else everyone will know you`ve never been on that server before. Instead simply shoot a teammate, if he loses health then FF is on! But never mind that, its their own fault if they run into your line of fire.
- Don't worry, if you die you will have to sit the rest of the round out. When people are dead they like nothing better than to hear who you think is cheating, and lets face it, if he killed you he must be using some kind of cheat, so call him a cheater! Get everyone else to believe you can try to vote him off, there's nothing worse than a bad cheat!
- On ALL maps the best tactic you can use is to be a sniper, Buy an AWP and stand in the corner watching for them newbie bastards. The best place`s to snipe are in the CT respawn on any map.
- If for some reason you become the VIP, don't bother with him, he`s a newbie class, you will never get a decent score being him. Type KILL in the console as soon as you realize you are him. AS maps are newbie maps anyway, none of the professional CS players like them.
- Use radio commands as much as you can and as often as you can. When the round starts shout `COVER ME` about 5 times so everyone knows that you're the boss and they should do exactly what you say when you say it.
- Whatever you do DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH! Speak l337 H@x0R 7@1K, it shows that you're a pro.
- In the game turn your flashlight ON, you will glow like an angel, the other players wont even try to kill you because you are so l337 and so on.
- On the map cs_Assault make sure you join T`s, only sukkaz join CT`s on that map.
- Get a headset microphone so you can scream at teammates for support and it makes you look like you're doing something that contributes to your life too!
- Call maps "Level`s", everyone will think you are THE MAN.
- Smoke grenades in the respawn area is the very last thing that the opposition will be expecting, make sure you launch at last 3 or 4 before you storm the enemy
- No matter what anyone says, the Dual Baretta`s are the best weapon in the game, they will easily beat a para, awp or colt any day. Make sure you buy these as soon as you can afford them.
- The roofs on Italy will be the very last place anyone will look for you, no one will complain when you get up there, and they are the best place on Italy to camp, you can see everywhere and there is no way to kill you.
- If Friendly Fire isn't on then keep shooting your teammates just to see the sparks. Its really fun, and it doesn't annoy the other person at all, as a matter of fact he will like it. But if Friendly Fire is on it doesn't matter, its their fault if you shoot then, they should be standing behind you backing you up.
Advanced Teckneycs
- All the BEST players are in clans, the best of the best make their own clan. Your clan will need an original name, like [MATRIX] or [KILL] or [DOA]
- You will need approximately 40 people in your clan
- All the l33t357 clans have ranks and other things in their name. Make sure you're not left out, put your Age, Location, Favourite gun, Favourite colour, Clan and rank in your name. eg "[M@7R1X]H0M3R5ImP50N-13-UK=SGT=-BLUE-=AWP=-" The longer the name the better, everyone will ruspect you!
- Make a bind "say [MATRIX] CLAN IS THE BESTEST CLAN IN THE WORLD!!" and use it anytime you can
- Make a bind "say VISIT OUR WEBPAGE!!! HTTP://www.geocities.com/TigerS3942/Burgle2342/MATRIX052/opening_page.htm !!!" and use it as much as you can.
- You need to recruit members for your clan. Its like rounding sheep up, all you do is go on a server and make a bind saying "M@TriX is RECRUITING! if you wanna join then message me on ICQ AT 32475519!!!!!111". Everyone who is playing will take time to stop playing and to write your ICQ number down and they will contact you in the game
- Spam newsgroups and forums telling people about your website, everyone on the forums and newsgroups always visit Clan websites
- Spam newsgroups and forums asking people if they would like to join your clan, but if they reply in the newsgroup or forum slag them off and call them 'fags' and 'nubs'.
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