Catsby and Hitler

ArrrImmaPir8!

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
May 13, 2004
Messages
133
Q; What would be your counter to a push through the Ardennes, via the Eastern route?

A; 'Strength Through Joy' - Kraft Durch Freude - was set up to organise leisure activities for the workers - theatre, opera, cruises and concerts.

Slightly disapointing.

Q; A fortified maginot line faces an elite panzer brigade, how would you instruct the commander to act?

A; The Maginot line was a massive series of defences built by the French as a way of repudiating any future German attack. I thought it was a complete joke - after all, to avoid it I simply marched straight through Belgium!

You win this round cyber Hitler!
 

SoWat

Loyal Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
305
Q
Do you really only have one ball?

A
There is a vicious rumour that I lost one of my testicles when I tried to urinate in the mouth of a goat for sexual thrills. Whether that is true or not is none of your business, but I am certainly not any less of a man because of it.

Gotta agree with that :)
 

Summo

Loyal Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
355
Q. what's your favourite sock? do you favour the short, trainer sock, or the more decadent knee-high?

A. Whilst my hair is black, my eyes are brown - so knowing how self-obsessed I am, that is probably my favourite colour. Yes, I know they're supposed to be blue...I had bad eyesight and took cocaine eye drops to alleviate the discomfort. I refused to wear glasses, however, as I regarded this as a sign of weakness.

Q. Fascinating, Herr Hitler, but I can't help feeling you're evading the issue.

A. I'm not too bad considering I have been dead since 1945. Thanks for asking!

Q. A fair point. Difficult to counter that. If you were alive today and given a fresh start, what would be your tactical approach given the current world climate?

A. In the first world war (1914-18) I served on the Western Front, and won the Iron Cross for bravery. In 1918 though I was gassed in France and was in hospital when the armistice was declared by the cowardly 'November Criminals'. I was convinced they had 'stabbed us in the back' but really with the USA now in the war they had no choice.

Q. I'm sorry, are you saying you would invade America?

A. Operation Barbarossa (named after a mythical German hero who promised to rise from the dead at the hour of Germany's greatest triumph) was the invasion of Russia which I launched on 4th June 1941. I needed Soviet resources, and could also kill some communists at the same time. Sadly for me, the Russian winter ground our armies to a halt and our planned-for swift victory never materialised - especially because I made a point of getting bogged down in Stalingrad because I was so determined to destroy the town that bore my enemy's name!

Q. Herr Hitler, thank you.

A. Erm...could you rephrase that, perhaps? I don't quite follow! Alternatively, mail the question to ActiveHistory to update my brain!

Q. ...



Tongy wins in terms of intellectual comedy, mind.
 

SoWat

Loyal Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
305
Q
Did you grow that moustache for a bet?

A
I used to have a 'handlebar' moustache like my father, but in 1913 my siter-in-law suggested that I should cut off the points. Years later, when she saw my picture in a newspaper she said, 'Adolf has gone too far!'. Well, at least it's distinctive, I suppose...recently some people even painted my 'tache onto a poster of Britney Spears, arguing she was trying to take over the (pop) world!
 

caLLous

I am a FH squatter
FH Subscriber
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
18,426
Heh heh, this reminds me of a little application called Dr Sbaitso (I think) that I had bundled with my Soundblaster Pro 8bit donkey's years ago. Except that used some primitive text to speech thingy to actually tell me the answers. :)

(none of the questions I asked were funny enough to warrant pasting the answers to, so I didn't)
 

Frizz

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
1,681
For some reason, ArrrImmaPir8! reminded me of:

Q: Why you throw chip?

A: I married Eva Braun, a middle class Catholic, because she was incredibly loyal and loving. She was not the brightest of people, but women aren't supposed to be clever anyway in my opinion.
 

GekuL

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
405
Q: How many men have you slept with?

A: Millions. But as Stalin said, one death is a tragedy, whilst one million is just a statistic.
 

Paradroid

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
645
Q) Are you and Churchill having an affair?

A) My only serious affair before Eva Braun was with Geli Raubal, my 17-year old neice, starting in 1928, when I was 19. She committed suicide under the pressure of the affair in 1931. The affair was hushed up because it would have been bad publicity for me. There are rumours that I raped her, but these are unproven. Eva Braun also committed suicide.

Woah, woah, there Ade!
Slow down!
...get out much?

(*Translated into a term Ade understands*)

Q) Fun?

A) I was keen for women to stay at home, but not just to lie around - unless it was in order to get pregnant. The role of a woman is to be a good wife and mother - nothing else ('Kinder, Kirche, Kuche')! Maybe you find that sexist. I don't care if you do though.


Again, with the women!

Q) You used to rule, you used to rock my world. Will the band members ever be getting back together again?

A) The idea that I wanted to take over the world is preposterous. I would have been happy just with Austria, Czachoslovakia, Poland, France and...oh, I see what you mean....

Q )Do you have a big FanBase in Poland?

A) Like Stalin, I thought that the Poles were an inferior race and potential enemies. After signing the Nazi-Soviet Pact we carved the country up between us (Poland was the first country we invaded) and showed them no mercy. Jewish Poles were the lowest of the low in our opinion, and through our combined efforts less than 1% of them survived the Holocaust!

Q ) So where is your next gig then?

A) I'm currently sitting in cyperspace. It's really nice here, actually.

Q) Good.

A) I was popular in Germany in the short term because I charismatically restored the people's pride: I regained land lost at Versailles and provided the people with 'Freiheit, Arbeit, Brot'; in the long term, my popularity declined as my racist, aggressive policies took the country into a bitter world war and utter destruction. Had I never been elected I would probably have died a complete unknown or, as Bullock says 'a drunk in a bar'.

Q) I'm getting pretty fed-up with you continously banging-on about the bloody war! Get over it! It was like 60 YEARS AGO FFS !

A) During World War One I won the iron cross twice for bravery after acting as a 'runner' delivering messages between different sections of the front. It was not luck that was responsible for me surviving the flying bullets of world war one and the Munich Beer Hall Putsch. It was FATE. As I said in 'Mein Kampf', I was always destined to be the messiah for Germany.

Q) Goodbye.

A) Get Lost.

Q) Get it right round ye!

A) That's an interesting point. Those sorts of value judgements do not interest me in the slightest. Keep your spineless moralising to yourself. History is made by people like me who take tough and perhaps unpopular decisions, not by lily-livered cowards like you!

Q) Oh yeah? Well, well, erm.....I...

A) Does this face look bothered?.



................ :eek6:





:D
 

Xavier

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
1,542
Q. So you were basically a big gay?

A. I didn't have a strong sex drive, but there is no proof that I was homosexual. I was initially tolerant of homosexuals - a number of them had prominent positions in the party. However, as my ideas about eugenics hardened and they started to attract bad publicity I clamped down on them mercilessly - even those who had been instrumental in my rise to the top, such as Ernst Rohm.

*cough*fag*cough*
 

Sharma

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
4,679
GekuL said:
Q: How many men have you slept with?

A: Millions. But as Stalin said, one death is a tragedy, whilst one million is just a statistic.

That is absolute pure class. :D
 

Wij

I am a FH squatter
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
18,185
He has no conversation about poo at all :(
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Teh Seel decided to give a go:

Seel: G'day mate!

Hitler: By the time D-Day happened in 1944 I was already suffering from Parkinson's disease and my decision making powers were severely affected.

Seel:Well i didn't actually ask about that...

Hitler: I don't think much of you at all, to be quite frank.

Seel: I thought you were Hitler...not frank.

Hitler: A common enquiry. Anne Frank was a jewish girl who lived in Holland. During the Nazi occupation she hid with her family in an attic to avoid the SS, but we eventually caught her and she died in Belsen concentration camp. I think she deserved to die because I detest jews. You may find that offensive, but I couldn't care less.

Seel:So..err...are you saying you're a girl named anne?

Hitler: To be honest, women didn't interest me greatly, although I was very close to my mother and would never have harmed a hair on her head. I had an affair with my own neice, Geli Raubal, and of course married Eva Braun, but my real mistress was the Fatherland...if you know what I mean!

Seel: No actually, i'm confused now...what do you mean?

Hitler: It was a privilege to be the Fuhrer (leader) of the German Fatherland - until the Germans spinelessly refused to carry on fighting at the end of the war! Any pain they suffered at that point was totally deserved.

Seel: Geeeees...it's all about you isn't it? Me, me , me, me me...

Hitler: I do apologise, but I don't know what you are getting at! Why not submit this question to ActiveHistory to update my brain?

Seel: What i'm saying is that you're one selfish bastard. Get it?

Hitler: I can give you a simple answer. I was just thinking about putting that to you, actually - what a coincidence!

Seel: That's it! My foot. Your ass. Now!

Hitler: From that sort of language it is obvious that I am dealing with an Untermensch (sub-human).

Seel: Well from your use of "witty" remarks can see it quite clearly that i'm dealing with a wienershnitzhel.

Hitler: Does this face look bothered?.

Seel: Damnit! I'm out of here...

Hitler: I couldn't care less.


I think i got wtfpwned by hitler.... :eek7:
 

Sigurd

Banned
Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
911
Q: How many squirrels did you make love to in the year before your death?

A: I shot myself, at the age of 56, in my Berlin bunker rather than face the Russian Slav 'subhumans' in May 1945: I didn't want to end up strung upside down and beaten to a pulp like Mussolini. I told my friend Albert Speer that I was not scared of dying - if anything, it would be a relief.

Q: That's great, but what about the squirrels?

A: In 'Mein Kampf' I developed the idea that Germany needed a strong leader - a 'Fuhrer' - who could control the destiny of the country, even if that meant stamping on people's rights and freedoms. That person, in my view, was me!

Q: Look, you can deny the allegations and everything, but everyone knows about your squirrel fetish... so don't try to hide it ok?

A: A foolish enquiry. I'm not too bad considering I have been dead since 1945. Thanks for asking!

Q: I see. Not too bright, are you?

A: My English must be getting rusty - I didn't get that question at all - either rephrase it or submit it to ActiveHistory to amend my brain!

Q: Damn, dude... you're getting a bit owned here... no wonder you shot yourself...

A: I'm not too much given to self-reflection.

:fluffle:
 

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