S
SilverHood
Guest
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building - by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below.
When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No,I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: "Well what the hell, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:
"You know, Superman, you're a real fucker when you're drunk."
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One day a man died and found himself in hell. He's crying his eyes
out at his misfortune, and he has his first meeting with a demon. The
demon asked, "Why are you crying?"
The man responded, "Why do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not a bad place to be," the demon said. "We have a really good time down here. Do you drink?"
"Yes," the man said, "I enjoy a good bevvy."
"Well, You'll love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, Rum, Guinness, Vodka, Cider and Lager. We drink till we chuck up and then we drink some more!"
The man cheers up. "That sounds great."
"Are you a smoker?" the demon asked.
"Hey, I like nothing more than a good puff"
"Then you'll love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke all day. If you get cancer, it's no problem. You can only die once"
"Fantastic!" shouts the man in jubilation
The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Well as it happens I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Horses, dogs, fixed odds, cards, puggies, anything you like. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow, so who cares.
The man is now happy again.
"Do you do drugs?" The man shakes his head, then said "What the hell, I'll try anything once."
"Then wait until Thursday. Thursday is drugs day. You can do heroin, Opium, drop acid, snort angel dust, take E's. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Amazing", the man said, "I didn't know Hell was such a nice place!"
The demon said, "Are you gay?"
"No." The man replied
"Ooooh, you'll hate Fridays...
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One day, after a long painful disease, the pope dies. But instead of taking his righteous place in heaven, he goes to hell. Confused, he goes and asks the nearest demon whats going on. The demon is shocked, and phones the devil to check it out. After a while, the devil found out that there had been a mix-up and he had been put in hell instead of Bill clinton, and that Clinton was up in heaven. The devil then told the pope to use the escalators to get up into heaven. On the way up, he sees Bill clinton coming down the other way, and talks to him.
"Hello there!" he says.
"Hi" says Bill.
"Whats heaven like?" The pope asks.
"Oh its great." Replies Bill.
"You know, I'm really looking forward to meeting the virgin Mary." Says the Pope. Bill then replies "Oh. You're a little late..."
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An aeroplane full of foreign diplomats is losing height rapidly. The pilot informs the passengers that unless 3 of them exit the plane they will all die. Bravely 3 of the diplomats volunteer to sacrafice themselves. The englishman cries "Remember World War 2!" and leaps from the plane. The Scotsman yells "remember bannockburn!" and leaps out of the plane. The American yells "remember the alamo!" and throws out the mexican.
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A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound.
"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.
Cindy put her hand up and said, "Moooo!"
"Very good," replied the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?"
"Baaaa!" answered Jimmy.
She continued this for a while. Then she asked, "What sound does a pig make?"
All the hands in the class went up. She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, "Up against the wall, mother-fucker!"
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If you're offended by any of the jokes or pictures, please blame GOA. Afterall, everything is their fault.
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below.
When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No,I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: "Well what the hell, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:
"You know, Superman, you're a real fucker when you're drunk."
----------------------------
---------------------------
One day a man died and found himself in hell. He's crying his eyes
out at his misfortune, and he has his first meeting with a demon. The
demon asked, "Why are you crying?"
The man responded, "Why do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not a bad place to be," the demon said. "We have a really good time down here. Do you drink?"
"Yes," the man said, "I enjoy a good bevvy."
"Well, You'll love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, Rum, Guinness, Vodka, Cider and Lager. We drink till we chuck up and then we drink some more!"
The man cheers up. "That sounds great."
"Are you a smoker?" the demon asked.
"Hey, I like nothing more than a good puff"
"Then you'll love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke all day. If you get cancer, it's no problem. You can only die once"
"Fantastic!" shouts the man in jubilation
The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Well as it happens I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Horses, dogs, fixed odds, cards, puggies, anything you like. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow, so who cares.
The man is now happy again.
"Do you do drugs?" The man shakes his head, then said "What the hell, I'll try anything once."
"Then wait until Thursday. Thursday is drugs day. You can do heroin, Opium, drop acid, snort angel dust, take E's. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Amazing", the man said, "I didn't know Hell was such a nice place!"
The demon said, "Are you gay?"
"No." The man replied
"Ooooh, you'll hate Fridays...
-----------------------------
---------------------------
One day, after a long painful disease, the pope dies. But instead of taking his righteous place in heaven, he goes to hell. Confused, he goes and asks the nearest demon whats going on. The demon is shocked, and phones the devil to check it out. After a while, the devil found out that there had been a mix-up and he had been put in hell instead of Bill clinton, and that Clinton was up in heaven. The devil then told the pope to use the escalators to get up into heaven. On the way up, he sees Bill clinton coming down the other way, and talks to him.
"Hello there!" he says.
"Hi" says Bill.
"Whats heaven like?" The pope asks.
"Oh its great." Replies Bill.
"You know, I'm really looking forward to meeting the virgin Mary." Says the Pope. Bill then replies "Oh. You're a little late..."
------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
An aeroplane full of foreign diplomats is losing height rapidly. The pilot informs the passengers that unless 3 of them exit the plane they will all die. Bravely 3 of the diplomats volunteer to sacrafice themselves. The englishman cries "Remember World War 2!" and leaps from the plane. The Scotsman yells "remember bannockburn!" and leaps out of the plane. The American yells "remember the alamo!" and throws out the mexican.
------------------------
--------------------------
A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound.
"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.
Cindy put her hand up and said, "Moooo!"
"Very good," replied the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?"
"Baaaa!" answered Jimmy.
She continued this for a while. Then she asked, "What sound does a pig make?"
All the hands in the class went up. She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, "Up against the wall, mother-fucker!"
----------------------------
---------------------------
If you're offended by any of the jokes or pictures, please blame GOA. Afterall, everything is their fault.
