kirennia
Part of the furniture
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2003
- Messages
- 3,857
For all your unhumourous want-to-stab-myself-in-the-eye-because-of-you jokes which you feel so bad about knowing, you think it's only fair you don't suffer alone in silence. Have been sent most of these via e-mail and shortly after lost my faith in humanity (again) before I forgot and left them in the dark abyss which is the very top of my inbox. Some might say hell would be a fairer thing to unleash on the forums, I personally agree but cannot help myself after seeing some of the other jokes flood through the forums 
1:
A guy is in the bar and has been sitting there for a half an hour just staring at his drink, when a big hairy guy walks up, and drinks it. The hairy guy says, "What are you going to do about that?" The guy says, "Nothing. I've been having a terrible day. First I got fired, and when I got home, my wife was there with another man, on the way over here a big truck splashed mud on me and ruined my clothes. So I decided to commit suicide, and I can't even do that, since you just drank my poison!"
2:
Bubba and Bubba Jr. were driving down an Arkansas back road drinkin' some beers when they spotted a police roadblock ahead.
Bubba Jr. says: "Dad, are we gonna get caught drinking and driving agin?" Bubba pulls off the road and says: "No, son. Finish your beer, peel off the label and stick it on your forehead, stash the bottle under the seat and I'll do the talkin'"
They pull up to the roadblock and are stopped, the officer asks "You boyz been drinkin?"
"No," Bubba says, "We're on the patch!"
This one I'm ashamed to admit I actually laughed at the second time around
3:
A man and giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe drinks too much and falls asleep and the man gets up to leave. The barman calls after him:
"Hey, you can't leave that lying there!"
The man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
The person who wrote this should be shot.....any insane gunmen willing to do me a favor, please leave your letters in my inbox...
4:
25 REASONS WHY BEER SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off (You can work with a hangover).
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations (Because people would rather come to work).
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Burping during a meeting is less embarrassing.
16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of drinks.
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
20. Increases the chance of seeing someone naked.
21. It eliminates the water cooler (Thus reducing gossip and rumor).
22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
5:
A man comes into a tavern and puts his legless dog down on the bar. The bartender comes up to ask him for his order and says: "By the way, what's your dog's name?"
"He doesn't have a name", says the man.
The bartender fixes a second round and in the process can't resist asking: "C'mon, what's the dog's name?" "I told you he doesn't have one."
Over the third round the bartender leans conspiratorially over the bar and says: "I just can't believe you. Everyone gives his dog a name."
"What's the use," says the man, "he can't come when you call him anyway."
I can't bring myself to unleash anymore bad jokes on you for the time being but feel free to add to the collection for other people to ignore at their discresion.
1:
A guy is in the bar and has been sitting there for a half an hour just staring at his drink, when a big hairy guy walks up, and drinks it. The hairy guy says, "What are you going to do about that?" The guy says, "Nothing. I've been having a terrible day. First I got fired, and when I got home, my wife was there with another man, on the way over here a big truck splashed mud on me and ruined my clothes. So I decided to commit suicide, and I can't even do that, since you just drank my poison!"
2:
Bubba and Bubba Jr. were driving down an Arkansas back road drinkin' some beers when they spotted a police roadblock ahead.
Bubba Jr. says: "Dad, are we gonna get caught drinking and driving agin?" Bubba pulls off the road and says: "No, son. Finish your beer, peel off the label and stick it on your forehead, stash the bottle under the seat and I'll do the talkin'"
They pull up to the roadblock and are stopped, the officer asks "You boyz been drinkin?"
"No," Bubba says, "We're on the patch!"
This one I'm ashamed to admit I actually laughed at the second time around
3:
A man and giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe drinks too much and falls asleep and the man gets up to leave. The barman calls after him:
"Hey, you can't leave that lying there!"
The man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
The person who wrote this should be shot.....any insane gunmen willing to do me a favor, please leave your letters in my inbox...
4:
25 REASONS WHY BEER SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off (You can work with a hangover).
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations (Because people would rather come to work).
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Burping during a meeting is less embarrassing.
16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of drinks.
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
20. Increases the chance of seeing someone naked.
21. It eliminates the water cooler (Thus reducing gossip and rumor).
22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
5:
A man comes into a tavern and puts his legless dog down on the bar. The bartender comes up to ask him for his order and says: "By the way, what's your dog's name?"
"He doesn't have a name", says the man.
The bartender fixes a second round and in the process can't resist asking: "C'mon, what's the dog's name?" "I told you he doesn't have one."
Over the third round the bartender leans conspiratorially over the bar and says: "I just can't believe you. Everyone gives his dog a name."
"What's the use," says the man, "he can't come when you call him anyway."
I can't bring myself to unleash anymore bad jokes on you for the time being but feel free to add to the collection for other people to ignore at their discresion.
