Bad Christmas Joke thread

gmloki

Part of the furniture
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
633
As it is one calendar month I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread for bad crimbo jokes. I mean real stinkers as well

Subject: Santa's Story


Not long ago at the North Pole, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves had gotten sick, and the trainee elves were just not producing the toys as fast as the regular ones. Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa out even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth, and two had jumped the fence and were out who-knows-where. More Stress.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and a toy bag fell to the ground, scattering toys everywhere. Santa was so frustrated that he went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he got to the cupboard, he found that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom but found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where
do you want me to stick this tree, Santa?"

And that, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree
 

FuzzyLogic

Kicking squealing Gucci little piggy
Joined
Dec 24, 2003
Messages
1,436
---
What did Santa say when he went down the Brothels chimney?

Ho Ho Ho
---


Santa was doing his rounds on Christmas Eve when he went down the chimney of one house, put the presents under the tree and turned around to see 3 kids in front of him with mince pies in their grubby paws, "Please Santa, stay a little longer" they said.
"Hohoho, gotta go, got many presents for kids to sow" replied Santa before vanishing up the chimney.
Later that night he went down another, plonked the presents under the tree when he saw another 2 children with mince pies and a carrot for Rudolph, "Have a pie Santa" Said the little munchkins, "Can you stay just a little longer Santa?". Once again Jolly old St Nick chimes
"Ho ho ho, gotta go, many more presents to the children to sow" and with that he vanished.
Even later that evening, Santa, fairly knackered by now, drops down the chimney, places the presents down and turns around to see a leggy blonde dressed in nothing but a nightgown and a skimpy pair of knickers, "Won't you stay for just a little longer Santa?" she said huskily while toying with Santas white beard. Santa looks up and down the blonde, looks up at the chimney then chimes in, "Hey hey hey, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way"


:(
 

babs

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 30, 2003
Messages
1,595
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

------------------------

How many reindeer does Santa Have???
11 (named below)
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Rudoph (the one with the red nose)
Olive (Olive the other reindeer)
and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him)
 

Darthshearer

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
1,584
babs said:
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

------------------------

How many reindeer does Santa Have???
11 (named below)
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Rudoph (the one with the red nose)
Olive (Olive the other reindeer)
and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him)


:clap: :clap:
 

Gef

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 9, 2004
Messages
570
Two snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other, can you smell carrots?
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom