Anagrams

C

Custy

Guest
Truly Amazing Anagrams:

Ossie Ardiles
Arse is soiled

Diego Maradona
O dear, I'm a gonad

Tony Blair PM
I'm Tory plan B

Virginia Bottomley
I'm an evil Tory bigot

Michael Heseltine
Elect him, he's alien

Dame Agatha Christie
I am a right death case

Benson and Hedges
NHS been a godsend

Selina Scott
Elastic snot

Mel Gibson
Big melons

Gloria Estefan
Large fat noise

Chris Rea
Rich arse

Martina Navratilova
Variant rival to a man

Gabriela Sabatini
Insatiable airbag

Irritable Bowel Syndrome
O my terrible drains below

Evangelist
Evil's Agent

Desperation
A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code
Here Come Dots

Mother-in-law
Woman Hitler

Semolina
Is No Meal

A Decimal Point
I'm a Dot in Place

Eleven plus two
Twelve plus one

President Clinton, of the USA
To copulate, he finds interns

And a final one ....

Motorway Service Station
I eat coronary vomit stews.
 
C

Custy

Guest
more funny stuff Try singing along it's a classic!
>
> >>Indian Curry Rhapsody
> >>
> >>Naan, just killed a man
> >>Poppadom against his heed
> >>Had lime pickle now he's dead.
> >>Naan, Dinner's just begun
> >>But now I'm gonna crap It all away
> >>Naan, ohhhh ohhhhh
> >>Didn't mean, to make you cry
> >>Seen nothing yet just see the loo tomorrow
> >>
> >>Curry On, Curry On
> >>Cause nothing really madras
> >>
> >>Too late, my dinner's gone
> >>Sends shivers down my spine
> >>Rectum aching all the time
> >>Goodbye Onion Bhaji, I've got to go
> >>Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo
> >>Naan, Ohhhh Ohhhhh
> >>The Doopiaza is so mild
> >>I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all
> >>
> >>Guitar Solo
> >>
> >>I see a little Chicken Tikka on the side
> >>Rogan Josh. Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
> >>Vindaloo does nicely
> >>Very very spicy
> >>Meat
> >>Byriani (Byriani)
> >>Byriani (Byriani)
> >>Byriani and a naan
> >>(A Vindaloo loo loo loo)
> >>I've eaten Balti. Somebody help me
> >>He's eaten Balti, get him to the lavatory
> >>Stand you Well Back
> >>Cause the loo is quarantined
> >>Here it comes
> >>There it goes
> >>Technicolour yawn
> >>I chunder
> >>NO!
> >>It's coming up again
> >>(There he goes)
> >>I chunder
> >>It's coming back again (There he goes)
> >>Coming back again (Up again)
> >>Here it goes again
> >>(No. No. No, No, No. No. NO)
> >>On my knees, I'm on my knees
> >>On his knees, Oh, there he goes
> >>This Vindaloo
> >>It's about to wreck my guts
> >>Poor meb&. Poor meb&. Poor Meeeeb&.
> >>
> >>Guitar solo
> >>
> >>So you think you can chunder and feel alright?
> >>So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
> >>Oh maybe, but now you puke Like a baby
> >>Just had to come out
> >>It just had to come right out in here
 
C

Custy

Guest
Titanic1.jpg


bring it on
 
W

Will

Guest
OK... you are a llama. Someone close this thread now, my work here is done.
 
S

Summo

Guest
Please don't paste your emails here.

That's an excellent pic, though. :)
 
C

Custy

Guest
well, wen i get good e-mails i stick em in a special folder, just went through them all...

This is a joke chain letter i got

never laughed so much reading this...

> >Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am
> >suffering from rare and deadly
> >diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme
> >virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution,
> >and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain
> >letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send
> >them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on
> >her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
> >before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.>
> >Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
> >everyone you send -his- email to $1000? How stupid are you?
> >Ooooh,lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and
> >make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!
> >What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK
> >YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to
> >send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter
> >leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep
> >for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5A.D. and
> >was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and
> >if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of
> >World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
> >Fuck them.
> >If you're going to forward something, at
> >least send me something
> >mildly
> >amusing. I've seen all the -send this to 50
> >of your closest friends,
> >and
> >this poor, wretched excuse for a human being
> >will somehow receive a
> >nickel from some omniscient being- forwards
> >about 90 times. I don't
> >fucking care.
> >Show a little intelligence and think about
> >what you're actually
> >contributing to by sending out forwards.
> >Chances are it's your own
> >unpopularity.
> >THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
> >Chain Letter Type 1:
> >scroll down)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > > > > Make a wish!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > > > > No, really, go on and make one!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > > > > Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
> > > Wish something else!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > > > > Not that, you pervert!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > > > > Is your finger getting tired yet?
> >
> >
> > > > > > STOP!!!!
> > > > > > Wasn't that fun? :)
> > > > > > Hope you made a great wish :)
> > > > > > Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what
> > > I'll do. First of all, if
> > > you
> > > > > > don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
> > > seconds, you will be
> > > raped
> > > > > > by
> > > > > > a mad goat and thrown off a high building
> > > into a pile of manure. It's
> > > > > > true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of
> > > those fake ones, THIS
> >
> > > one
> > > > > > is TRUE!!
> > > > > > Really!!! Here's how it goes:
> > > > > > *Send this to 1 person: One person will be
> > > pissed off at you for
> > > sending
> > > > > > them a stupid chain letter.
> > > > > > *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be
> > > pissed off at you for
> > > > > > sending them a stupid chain letter.
> > > > > > *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will
> > > be pissed off at you for
> > > > > > sending them a stupid chain letter, and may
> > > form a plot on your life.
> > > > > > *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will
> > > be pissed off at you
> > > for
> > > > > > sending them a stupid chain letter and will
> > > firebomb your house.
> > > > > > Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > CHAIN LETTER - Type 2
> > > > > > Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.
> > > You see, there is a
> > > > > > Starving little boy in
> > > Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
> > > legs,
> > > > > > no parents, and no goats.
> > > > > > This little boy's life could be saved,
> > > because for every time you
> > > pass
> > > > > > this on, a dollar will be donated to the
> > > Little Starving Legless
> > > Armless
> > > > > > Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
> > > Fund.
> > > > > > Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no way
> > > of counting the emails
> > > sent
> > > > > > and this is all a complete load of bullshit.
> > > So go on, reach out.
> > > Send
> > > > > > this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
> > > > > > Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send
> > > this to 4 or 6 people,
> > > you
> > > > > > will die instantly. Thanks again!!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > CHAIN LETTER - Type 3
> > > > > > Hi there!! This chain letter has been in
> > > existence since 1897. This
> > > is
> > > > > > absolutely incredible because there was no
> > > email then and probably
> > > not
> > > > > > as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
> > > So this is how it
> > > works:
> > > > > > Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
> > > minutes or something
> > > > > > horrible will happen to you like:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Bizarre Horror Story #1
> > > > > > Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
> > > on Saturday. She had
> > > > > > recently recieved this letter and ignored it.
> > > She then tripped in a
> > > > > > crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer,
> > > was gushed down a
> > > drainpipe
> > > > > > in a flood of poopie, and went flying out
> > > over a waterfall. Not only
> > > did
> > > > > > she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen
> > > To You!!!
> > > > > > Bizarre Horror Story #2
> > > > > > Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
> > > letter in his mail and
> > > > > > ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a
> > > car and so was his
> > > boyfriend
> > > > > > (hey,somepeople swing that way). They both
> > > died and went to hell and
> > > > > > were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
> > > for eternity. This
> > > Could
> > > > > > Happen To You Too!!!
> > > > > > Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley
> > > and Bip.Just send this
> > > > > > letter to all of your loser friends, and
> > > everything will be okay.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > CHAIN LETTER - Type 4
> > > > > > As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
> > > Send it to every one of
> > > > > > Your friends.
> > > > > > Friends,
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A friend is someone who is always at your
> > > side.
> > > > > > A friend is someone who likes you even though
> > > you stink of shit, and
> > > > > > Your breath smells like you've been eating
> > > catfood A friend is
> > > someone
> > > > > > who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
> > > hat full of assholes A
> > > > > > friend is someone who cleans up for you after
> > > you've soiled yourself
> > > A
> > > > > > friend is someone who stays with you all
> > > night while you cry about
> > > your
> > > > > > sad, sad life A friend is someone who
> > > pretends they like you when
> > > they
> > > > > > really think you should be raped by mad
> > > chimpanzees, then thrown to
> > > > > > vicious dogs A friend is someone who scrubs
> > > your toilet, vacuums and
> > > > > > then gets the check and leaves and doesn't
> > > speak much English...* no,
> > > > > > sorry that's the cleaning lady, A friend is
> > > not someone who sends you
> > > > > > chain letters because he wants his wish of
> > > being rich to come true.
> > > > > > Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never
> > > have sex ever again.
> > > > > > The point being?
> > > > > > If you get some chain letter that's
> > > threatening to leave you shagless
> > > or
> > > > > > luckless for the rest of your life, delete
> > > it. If it's funny, send it
> > > > > > on.
> > > > > > Don't piss people off by making them feel
> > > guilty about a leper in
> > > > > > Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
> > > dead elephant for 27
> > > years,
> > > > > > whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter
> > > he'll receive if you
> > > > > > forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up
> > > like Miranda. Right?
> > > > > > Now forward this to everyone you know
> > > otherwise you'll have to look
> > > at
> > > > > > me naked!
 
C

Ch3tan

Guest
Hmm I am thinking of appraohing Mike and getting him ti alter the HAi theme to include the words: custy; llamah; is; a.
 
K

Kempo

Guest
but that chain letter email was really funny tho :D

could stop myself bursting ou tlaffing :clap:

more crusty! MORE!
 
C

Ch3tan

Guest
Actually I just took the time to read it.

It is very funny and very true....whichmakes it funnier :)

Custy though m8 :rolleyes: your still a llamah
 
T

Testin da Cable

Guest
ohoh
/me ducks behind....eek errr
/me ducks
:)
 
W

Wij

Guest
don't duck down there, you're looking straight into my eye :)
 
W

WPKenny

Guest
Wasn't too sure how this would be welcomed in an entirely new thread. I'll post it here and let you make your own minds up. Please read it all though....

Jack took a long look at his speedo before slowing down: 55 in a 30 mph. The fourth time in as many months. How could he get caught so often?

When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the copper worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.

The copper was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming speed ticket. A Christian copper, catching a bloke from his own church. A bloke who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at work. A bloke he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.

"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this."

"Hello, Jack." No smile.

"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."

"Yeah, I guess so."

Bob seemed uncertain. Good. "I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit-just this once."

Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and yorkshires tonight. Know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in this area!!"

Ouch! This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics. "What'd you clock me at?"

"fifty five. Would you sit back in your car please?"

"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 40." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.

"Please, Jack, in the car."

Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.

The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad. Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand.

Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.

"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice. Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror.

Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Maybe even a ban!

Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:



quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jack,

Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again. A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man.

A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful, Jack, my son is all I have left.

Bob
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle with care. This is an important message, please pass it along to your friends. Drive safely and carefully. Remember, cars are not the only things recalled by their maker.
 
W

Will

Guest
WTF - this is Barrysworld, not the womans institute.
 
W

WPKenny

Guest
There's a quite a few rude bwoy racers, AIIII!!11 about too.

Forget about it then. Erase it from your memory.

I just thought it made a point, and made it pretty well.
 
C

Ch3tan

Guest
WTF does it have to do with the womens institute itchy?

Anyway speeding drivers are dickheads. Really theya re.

My mate tries to justify doing a 100mph on the motorway

"i'm a safe driver, i'm in control" blah blah, every driver thinks they are the best in the world. Load of bollox, maybe if teh penalties for speeding where higher ther would be less boy racers and out right dicks onthe road.

On that point anyone know if from 2002 you have to be 21 to drive? I cant remeber if teh law got passed or not.
 
S

Summo

Guest
I agree. There is absolutely no concievable excuse for speeding. Not one.

Unless you're in the emergency services.

Okay one, then.
 
W

Wij

Guest
Speeding on a motorway is a LOT different to speeding in a town or suburb. On a motorway all the traffic is going the same way and there's no pedestrians or pets, no parked cars and the junctions are all incredibly easy to get in/out of.

Speeding on country roads is dumb but mostly it's only your life at risk. About 2/3 of accidents happen on country roads if I heard right.

Speeding in built up areas and in the country should rightfully attract fines. Doing 55mph in a 30 zone is mad and should result in jail sentences imo.

Putting masses of cameras on motorways though where in most conditions drivers can safely do 90 is just a way of generating cash. Same with many of the speed cameras on A roads. Most aren't placed on accident blackspots and are just for money.
 
L

~Lazarus~

Guest
WPKenny - Good post.

100mph on motorway - no excuse. all it takes is a blowout, debris on the motorway and you are FUCKED big time.

Speeding drivers who kill kids are almost at the top of my list

Right under child abusers and drunk drivers.

Unfortunately, the only thing that seems to make these folk slow down is when they have struck and killed someone when they have been speeding/drunk.

Thanks WP
 
W

Will

Guest
On a similar subject, BBC New is debating whether speed cameras are a good idea or not. THe general concensus is hidden cameras bad, visible cameras good, since hidden ones are to gather cash for the local police, and visible ones are very effective deterrents to speeding.
 
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