Agghh !! What am I to do ??

[JohnyWishbone]

What a week I'm having my goat sex encounters (thanks to wij and the CS forums) aside, I was merrily brushing my teeth this morning befor coming to work, absently thinking what else could possibly go wrong this week.. after all its friday. When....

I hear a loud knock on the door, even by the tone of it I didnt like the sound. I opened it to find my very irate next door neighbour, red in the face and well pissed of. I thought there was something wrong and he needed a hand with some thing.

"Morning" I said, "Everything ok ?"
"NO, I HAVE A PROBLEM !!! " Irate Neighbour (I will refer to him as I.N from now on)

me "Whats that?"

I.N "CATS !!"

now we have a cat so i immediately realised he must be talking about ours (I'm sharp at 8:30 a.m)

I.N "Your cat has came into my garden, dug up my bedding plants and shit in them 4 times, I have filmed it doing so and I want you to do something about it"

me "You have been filming my cat taking a shit in your garden ?" I dont think Lisa Riley will give you £200 for that m8.

I.N "What are you going to do about it ?"

me "Well i cant put him on a lead, and I cant stop him from climbing your fence, so I dont really know".

I.N "WELL I WILL DO SOMETING ABOUT IT"

me "Oh yeah whats that then"

I.N "I will get rid of your cat"

now the conversation went a bit sour, cos i didnt take to well to his suggestion and he had well pissed me of by then. TBH I couldnt think what to do about it at the time, but now the crazy fooker is threatening to kill our cat.

I thought about offering him the money to pay for his plants and build some kind of external kitty litter with sand and lime or summik, so it doesnt become a bio hazard :/ But wtf can I do, he was big as well and obviously thought he was a bit tasty added to that I am a devout coward.

I thought i would ask on here for some suggestions as i noticed there where some cat fans about.

P.S he seemed quite serious

 

[Embattle]

I think you should of offered to replace the plants.

 

[Summo]

Film him killing your cat.

The external litter tray sounds a good idea. Do cats go for that? Maybe if there's some shit-inducing smelly stuff you could put in it to try to encourage tuds in that particular area.

I dunno. :/

 

[kanonfodda]

If he had been civil about it, I would have recommended the cat litter idea, but as he is being a complete arsehole, I recommend sneaking into his garden at night, diggin up he flowers, then shitting in the hole.

Is it an offence to threaten someones cat??

 

[JohnyWishbone]

Yeah, I am planning to do that when i get home, and suggest my external litter thing. I think its reasonable.

 

[Perplex]

Replace the plants. There is some stuff available that you put onto the soil that deters cats, buy it for him. Then tell him your solicitor has been informed of his threats to your cat - and to 'make your day'

 

[ShockingAlberto]

He watched as your cat shit on his flowers?

Why the fuck didn't he go outside and shoo it away?

 

[Perplex]

Originally posted by kanonfodda
Is it an offence to threaten someones cat??

The RSPCA are administrators for a lot of laws catering for cruelty to animals

 

[Perplex]

The other thing is to install a camera filming his garden, and let him know that if he harms your cat that your solicitor and the RSPCA will both reieve copies of the tape

 

[mr.Blacky]

Originally posted by ShockingAlberto
He watched as your cat shit on his flowers?

Why the fuck didn't he go outside and shoo it away?

my thoughts too. plants being more then one right?

 

[doh_boy]

first of all tell him to get a life, or is watching cats shit a sexual perversion now?

secondly the derter cat idea seems the best, me mam uses bottles of tap water, which seems to work. Also if it's close to manchester I'll come round and kick him in!

 

[Will]

Ground pepper on the plants will keep the cat away. You can buy special tubes of crap pepper at DIY centres I seem to remember. And Perp is right about the "make my day" comment.

 

[Mr B]

Make the cat(s) a sand-pit, they ALWAYS will prefer sand to soil - esp if you clear it out regularly (once a week) - they only went nextdoor because your garden is already full of cat poo.

...erm...probably.

Threatening cats isn't on tho - so it dug up a few of his weeds, big fucking deal - any cunt threatened my cat and I'd chin the cunt.

B

 

[Daffeh]

kill the cat

they are useless vermin anyway

 

[Embattle]

Actually treat him to some good video footage, go in to his garden dig up 4 plants and pull down your pants...let rip

 

[xane]

unfortunately, the only absolutely unquestionable sure 100% perfect undeniablely guarenteed way to stop cats from sh*tting on your garden is ....































buy your own cat.

 

[xane]

Oh yes, I own a couple of kitties, but I'm not actually _that_ attached to them.

If anyone threatened me in the same way I'd simply say that I'd buy another cat to replace it, and probably another as spare. Continued attempts to destroy them would simply make me buy more and more, and even neglect to spay them so I get replacements free.

See who wins out, he'll either have one cat to deal with or several dozen.

 

[xane]

Another solution is to deny it is your cat You counld mention it belongs to the 4th Dan Karate expert down the road or something.

 

[JohnyWishbone]

Right i'm of home now, gonna have to knock on scary neighbours door. Bah, theres no place in society for arseholes like him, but they always keep popping up.

 

[Mellow-]

Train your cat to simply leave it's shite on his doorstep instead.

Either that or you leave a tasty turd in his back garden the next time he goes shopping.

 

[Daffeh]

erm, why dont you think of whats happening to this guy

thats HIS property your cat is destroying
u may say 'its only flowers'

but what if he cut your internet connection or something

you would soon go screaming for vengence

 

[ShockingAlberto]

It's obviously not that simple. Finding a cat's messed up your garden is one thing, but seeing a cat mess up your garden, and thinking "I'll get this on tape", rather than shooing it away, seems a tad dodgy...

 

[Daffeh]

well if its been going on a long time, and nothing is going on to stop it, he obviously thought thats the best way to get something done about it

 

[old.samm]

I dont have cats I have dogs but we often get cats in our garden, although they never stay around for long when Judy starts barking in an "I'm going to get you" kinda tone. But my point is halfway through reading this thread I heard somebody around the front , Judy was barking so I went to see what it was. It was two girls delivering leaflets standing on the driveway keeming at the dogs saying naughty dogs and stuff cause they were barking. I can't even stand for that type of action towards my dogs and so I told them off explaining that it was my house and they were barking cause there was strangers at the door. Cats are different though cause it is the other guys property, you should pay for the plants, but he is very weird. Why didnt he tell you the first or second time civilly, why wait until the fourth time and then rant. Surely you would have been a tad more sympathetic if he spoke to you like an adult. Pets are great, its neighbours that should be banned.

 

[Trem]

When you do speak to him can you ask him for a copy of the tape, I've a mate who would pay good money for that sort of hardcore cat anus action.

 

[FunGas]

yeah - you could replace the pants as a kind neighbourly gesture.
On the other hand ask him if he planted them properly

my reply, on the other hand would have been something like,
you are willing to take my cat's life, but are you prepared to forefit yours?

 

[Trem]

Yes, to be honest, no matter how big or scary he is, if someone said that to me about one of my pets I would be doing some planting of my own

Best to ring the police matey, before it gets out of hand, can't you buy him one of those cat repeller thingy-ma-bobs?

 

[xenon2000]

Originally posted by fungas
yeah - you could replace the pants as a kind neighbourly gesture.

 

[Wij]

Mad neighbours are a pain. If I were you I'd just sit at home and worry about it.

Um.

 

[PR.]

You have a nice neighbour.

If I was him I wouldn't have knocked on your door, I would simply take the cat, gut it then spread its entrails all over your car.

Cats are bastids, they should all be destroyed