Ame
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2004
- Messages
- 685
Basically a redraft of my original story. Hope you enjoy. Also if you do bother to read it, please give some comments and things I could do to improve it for the final draft.
The Incoherent Disappearance of the Legendary Balloon of Cairo, which didn’t technically disappear, but was, actually misplaced thus making this title wrong, but I don’t particularly care. It’s my story, and I’ll make it illogical if I want to
Once upon a time in the early seventeenth century there was a small orphaned peasant who had a balloon which was given to him by his late uncle as a dying wish which was conjured into existence for the mere purpose of my story, only this and nothing more. If it helps in the descriptical sense, the balloon was a red balloon. It wasn't an ordinary balloon, for it had magical powers. One of its powers was to go missing and appear in the most inadequate of places. Like in a cloud.
One dark autumn day he lost the balloon in a series of tornados, thunderstorms and very, very bad sneeze fits from his orphaned sister who had some very bad form of influenza! His sister was forty-two years old, with blue hair and blonde eyes. She was wanted for crimes against humanity. Ironically enough, she invented the cheese grater. This invention was deemed the greatest invention of the seventeenth century as it totally revolutionized the cheese industry, creating mass amounts of profits which totally screwed up the economy, so everyone had loads of money, and loads of cheese, and loads of money to buy loads more cheese. Oh and cheese graters.
I added a paragraph here because it seemed a good idea at the time. Because of the high demand of cheese, and cheese graters caused by the large intake of people buying cheese and cheese graters because they had loads of moneys to buy cheese and cheese graters, the economy was made up mostly of, you guessed it, cheese-based products. This meant that large companies decided to spend most of their time producing cheese-based products to generate mass amounts of money. Soon enough half of the face of the Earth was yellow (if you looked at it from space, which would have been impossible at the time). This was because there was thousands upon thousands of Cheese and Cheese Grater and Cheese-Based-Product Factories, which were ironically coloured yellow. The pollution caused by this was terrible, and soon all of the population died out besides the French and Dutch who were immune to cheese-based-microorganisms. This lead to a world war where three people died totally unrelated to the war, which lasted a total of nine minutes.
Despite this all happening in the future, long after the women in question had died, weird mathematicians by the name of Earl worked out the probability of this to happening as 3.141592 in 10, and because it being a weird and odd number, thought that it was very likely to happen based on the previous knowledge that the world was run by the number 1. Because of this they decided that the invention of the cheese grater would lead to extinction of the human race and decided to call it a "crime of humanity", however it could be easily argued that killing humanity would solve a hell of a lot of problems.
He ventured far and wide in search for his only companion, the balloon. He ventured for forty days and forty nights with no prevail. He ventured through catalogues and online search engines, and still found nothing. One day he decided to go to the zoo, as the angel Gabrielle told the small-orphaned peasant the balloon might just be there.
The day before going to the zoo, he went shopping for items, which he'll need for the adventure. The walk to the supermarket itself was a kind of adventure, as the path was barricaded by strange men in suits wielding suitcases, men wearing white coats escorting a man strapped to a chair singing "Singing in the Rain" at the top of the voice while brandishing a banana. There was also strange men wearing earrings and wearing dresses that looked remarkably like women. Or maybe it was how the Spanish people looked in Barcelona? I never found out. He also met a Pirate that walked by randomly yelling "Yarr Yarr! Ahoy there!”. He had an actual purpose to the overall plot of my story, but I forgot it. Oh, he was also off to the same supermarket. He carried a small plastic bag under his arm. Inside this small plastic bag were the remains of a Parrot, long deceased. It wasn't any ordinary plastic bag though. It was a bag that traveled many a mile across treacherous waters, across mountains, hills, forests and cities. It came from the far west where it was tailored by a Tailoror (Ironically) for 5 days straight. It was a Wal-Mart Bag. Oh and the Parrot was a stuffed Parrot if you were worried. Anyways, he was going to the supermarket to buy a tube of toothpaste and pasta.
He approached the zoo's gates at half past nine in the evening. He decided this time because it would be a time for when the zoo would be closed, so thus perfect for my story, rather then his busy schedule. The reason for it to be closed? Just to break in, to show the deviousness of his character that he would go to no lengths to have the balloon returned to his loving grasp.
He gathered the necessities to enter the zoo into a small pile of paraphernalia. He had one crowbar. He had a pack of CO4 explosives. He had a rope, a screwdriver, a clothes peg, and a pack of cookies, which besides eating himself, would be to distract the inhabitants of the zoo. Not just the zookeeper, but the animals as well.
When he reached the tall solid gates of the zoo, which looked remarkably similar to the Pearl Gates of Heaven, except not being white, and not having a happy-smiling man awaiting at the door clutching a long list. In fact the whiteness was replaced because it was made of an old dark metal, most probably iron, and the happy-smiling man was replaced by a prostitute wearing a chicken's outfit attempting to sell shares in the cheese grating industry which has reached its lowest in over seven minutes.
After breaking into the zoo, (we cannot give the details due to some random act that no-one can remember the name of, followed by a series of 20 letters and numbers that no-one can also possibly remember, and also because it would perhaps roll off of no-one's hand which no-one wrote on to remember the act), the boy ventured past the reception area and into where the animals lived, ate, slept and crapped. It was rather smelly. This is where the clothes peg comes in.
There was no moon in the sky on this dark night. It was dark because of this, and night because I said so. If you wish to complain, see my lawyer. Anyways, there was no moon in the sky on this dark night. It was relaxing on holiday in Barcelona where it was reeking havoc on all small children under the age of four by pulling snide faces and jumping around corners yelling "Boo!”
So lets get to the main bulk of the story, and where the action actually starts. The search for the mysterious red balloon. I'm sure you're all very excited.
Was it behind the rambunctious rhino? He took a quick glance. There happened to be a load of other things behind the rambunctious rhino, but the balloon was not one of these things.
Was it in the crocodile’s mouth? He asked an adult for help, like if he was using a pair of scissors to cut something, which states on a piece of card, embroidered in big fluorescent letters, that you need an adult to help you to cut the something mentioned. Unlike cutting something with scissors, however, since no scissors were present, or indeed a piece of card with the instructions "CUT ME" embroidered in big fluorescent letters.
The adult opened the crocodile’s mouth with a sharp axe, which just happened to lye next to the crocodile complete with a complimentary skeleton arm. He noticed in the dark cavernous depths of the now deceased crocodile, the non-existence of the balloon.
Randomly, it started to rain. Then it stopped. Then it started again, just as typical British weather does - for alas! They were in North Korea. What this brings to the overall plot to the story remains a mystery, unless you read ahead in which case you should be shot.
Was it behind the giraffe? The child approached the murderous giraffe and saw no sign of his beloved balloon. He cried a solitary tear, which took a total of forty-three seconds to trickle down his face. No it wasn't there either.
Was it in the evil tigers lair? The details of this expedition into the evil tigers lair is too graphic and gory to mention, and you are not allowed to know until the age of seventy-five the full details. And even if you do turn seventy-five, and wish to find out the details, you'll most likely die from a heart attack straight afterwards. Henceforth, it wasn't there either!
In failure, he decided to give up, when miraculously he spotted a monkey playing cricket in a tree. He looked up the tall birch tree, and oh look! The monkey has it up the tree.
The polite small-orphaned boy asked politely "May I have my Red Balloon back, which somehow you have up in that tree? It was given to me by my late uncle as a dying wish, which was conjured into existence for the mere purpose of a story, only this and nothing more. It is an absolute central plot, and must be given back to me, or bad things will happen to you."
The sarcastic monkey said "No", so naturally the polite small-orphaned boy politely burned down the tree with all the monkeys in it. The red balloon remained unscathed and gently descended through the air the same way a brick does. The small-orphaned boy, who remains unnamed even at this moment, ran over to the balloon triumphantly and redeemed it.
They all drank lemonade and lived happily ever after.
Rambunctiously, the rambunctious rhino waddled over to the small-orphaned boy and prodded one of its three horns into the balloon. This formed a loud popping sound, and the Red Balloon suddenly disappeared, but was instead replaced by red pieces of rubber. The rain I mentioned earlier had created a puddle by now, and these red pieces of rubber gently but surely floated into this newly created puddle. The Boy cried and decided to go to the corner shop to get a new Balloon. The Balloon was green.
The Incoherent Disappearance of the Legendary Balloon of Cairo, which didn’t technically disappear, but was, actually misplaced thus making this title wrong, but I don’t particularly care. It’s my story, and I’ll make it illogical if I want to
Once upon a time in the early seventeenth century there was a small orphaned peasant who had a balloon which was given to him by his late uncle as a dying wish which was conjured into existence for the mere purpose of my story, only this and nothing more. If it helps in the descriptical sense, the balloon was a red balloon. It wasn't an ordinary balloon, for it had magical powers. One of its powers was to go missing and appear in the most inadequate of places. Like in a cloud.
One dark autumn day he lost the balloon in a series of tornados, thunderstorms and very, very bad sneeze fits from his orphaned sister who had some very bad form of influenza! His sister was forty-two years old, with blue hair and blonde eyes. She was wanted for crimes against humanity. Ironically enough, she invented the cheese grater. This invention was deemed the greatest invention of the seventeenth century as it totally revolutionized the cheese industry, creating mass amounts of profits which totally screwed up the economy, so everyone had loads of money, and loads of cheese, and loads of money to buy loads more cheese. Oh and cheese graters.
I added a paragraph here because it seemed a good idea at the time. Because of the high demand of cheese, and cheese graters caused by the large intake of people buying cheese and cheese graters because they had loads of moneys to buy cheese and cheese graters, the economy was made up mostly of, you guessed it, cheese-based products. This meant that large companies decided to spend most of their time producing cheese-based products to generate mass amounts of money. Soon enough half of the face of the Earth was yellow (if you looked at it from space, which would have been impossible at the time). This was because there was thousands upon thousands of Cheese and Cheese Grater and Cheese-Based-Product Factories, which were ironically coloured yellow. The pollution caused by this was terrible, and soon all of the population died out besides the French and Dutch who were immune to cheese-based-microorganisms. This lead to a world war where three people died totally unrelated to the war, which lasted a total of nine minutes.
Despite this all happening in the future, long after the women in question had died, weird mathematicians by the name of Earl worked out the probability of this to happening as 3.141592 in 10, and because it being a weird and odd number, thought that it was very likely to happen based on the previous knowledge that the world was run by the number 1. Because of this they decided that the invention of the cheese grater would lead to extinction of the human race and decided to call it a "crime of humanity", however it could be easily argued that killing humanity would solve a hell of a lot of problems.
He ventured far and wide in search for his only companion, the balloon. He ventured for forty days and forty nights with no prevail. He ventured through catalogues and online search engines, and still found nothing. One day he decided to go to the zoo, as the angel Gabrielle told the small-orphaned peasant the balloon might just be there.
The day before going to the zoo, he went shopping for items, which he'll need for the adventure. The walk to the supermarket itself was a kind of adventure, as the path was barricaded by strange men in suits wielding suitcases, men wearing white coats escorting a man strapped to a chair singing "Singing in the Rain" at the top of the voice while brandishing a banana. There was also strange men wearing earrings and wearing dresses that looked remarkably like women. Or maybe it was how the Spanish people looked in Barcelona? I never found out. He also met a Pirate that walked by randomly yelling "Yarr Yarr! Ahoy there!”. He had an actual purpose to the overall plot of my story, but I forgot it. Oh, he was also off to the same supermarket. He carried a small plastic bag under his arm. Inside this small plastic bag were the remains of a Parrot, long deceased. It wasn't any ordinary plastic bag though. It was a bag that traveled many a mile across treacherous waters, across mountains, hills, forests and cities. It came from the far west where it was tailored by a Tailoror (Ironically) for 5 days straight. It was a Wal-Mart Bag. Oh and the Parrot was a stuffed Parrot if you were worried. Anyways, he was going to the supermarket to buy a tube of toothpaste and pasta.
He approached the zoo's gates at half past nine in the evening. He decided this time because it would be a time for when the zoo would be closed, so thus perfect for my story, rather then his busy schedule. The reason for it to be closed? Just to break in, to show the deviousness of his character that he would go to no lengths to have the balloon returned to his loving grasp.
He gathered the necessities to enter the zoo into a small pile of paraphernalia. He had one crowbar. He had a pack of CO4 explosives. He had a rope, a screwdriver, a clothes peg, and a pack of cookies, which besides eating himself, would be to distract the inhabitants of the zoo. Not just the zookeeper, but the animals as well.
When he reached the tall solid gates of the zoo, which looked remarkably similar to the Pearl Gates of Heaven, except not being white, and not having a happy-smiling man awaiting at the door clutching a long list. In fact the whiteness was replaced because it was made of an old dark metal, most probably iron, and the happy-smiling man was replaced by a prostitute wearing a chicken's outfit attempting to sell shares in the cheese grating industry which has reached its lowest in over seven minutes.
After breaking into the zoo, (we cannot give the details due to some random act that no-one can remember the name of, followed by a series of 20 letters and numbers that no-one can also possibly remember, and also because it would perhaps roll off of no-one's hand which no-one wrote on to remember the act), the boy ventured past the reception area and into where the animals lived, ate, slept and crapped. It was rather smelly. This is where the clothes peg comes in.
There was no moon in the sky on this dark night. It was dark because of this, and night because I said so. If you wish to complain, see my lawyer. Anyways, there was no moon in the sky on this dark night. It was relaxing on holiday in Barcelona where it was reeking havoc on all small children under the age of four by pulling snide faces and jumping around corners yelling "Boo!”
So lets get to the main bulk of the story, and where the action actually starts. The search for the mysterious red balloon. I'm sure you're all very excited.
Was it behind the rambunctious rhino? He took a quick glance. There happened to be a load of other things behind the rambunctious rhino, but the balloon was not one of these things.
Was it in the crocodile’s mouth? He asked an adult for help, like if he was using a pair of scissors to cut something, which states on a piece of card, embroidered in big fluorescent letters, that you need an adult to help you to cut the something mentioned. Unlike cutting something with scissors, however, since no scissors were present, or indeed a piece of card with the instructions "CUT ME" embroidered in big fluorescent letters.
The adult opened the crocodile’s mouth with a sharp axe, which just happened to lye next to the crocodile complete with a complimentary skeleton arm. He noticed in the dark cavernous depths of the now deceased crocodile, the non-existence of the balloon.
Randomly, it started to rain. Then it stopped. Then it started again, just as typical British weather does - for alas! They were in North Korea. What this brings to the overall plot to the story remains a mystery, unless you read ahead in which case you should be shot.
Was it behind the giraffe? The child approached the murderous giraffe and saw no sign of his beloved balloon. He cried a solitary tear, which took a total of forty-three seconds to trickle down his face. No it wasn't there either.
Was it in the evil tigers lair? The details of this expedition into the evil tigers lair is too graphic and gory to mention, and you are not allowed to know until the age of seventy-five the full details. And even if you do turn seventy-five, and wish to find out the details, you'll most likely die from a heart attack straight afterwards. Henceforth, it wasn't there either!
In failure, he decided to give up, when miraculously he spotted a monkey playing cricket in a tree. He looked up the tall birch tree, and oh look! The monkey has it up the tree.
The polite small-orphaned boy asked politely "May I have my Red Balloon back, which somehow you have up in that tree? It was given to me by my late uncle as a dying wish, which was conjured into existence for the mere purpose of a story, only this and nothing more. It is an absolute central plot, and must be given back to me, or bad things will happen to you."
The sarcastic monkey said "No", so naturally the polite small-orphaned boy politely burned down the tree with all the monkeys in it. The red balloon remained unscathed and gently descended through the air the same way a brick does. The small-orphaned boy, who remains unnamed even at this moment, ran over to the balloon triumphantly and redeemed it.
They all drank lemonade and lived happily ever after.
Rambunctiously, the rambunctious rhino waddled over to the small-orphaned boy and prodded one of its three horns into the balloon. This formed a loud popping sound, and the Red Balloon suddenly disappeared, but was instead replaced by red pieces of rubber. The rain I mentioned earlier had created a puddle by now, and these red pieces of rubber gently but surely floated into this newly created puddle. The Boy cried and decided to go to the corner shop to get a new Balloon. The Balloon was green.
