K
krait
Guest
Found this on the VN Boards ,not sure if it's been posted before ,but it made me smile anyway
Credits to Khaal from Igraine for this wonderful story:
So, I'm sitting in my house, quiety enjoying a game of backgammon with the Horn of Valhalla when quite a commotion begins brewing outside my door.
'wtf, are the guards drunk again?', I ask the Horn.
'dunno, but it can't be any worse than the dwarves outside my mountain cabin', states the Horn.
I creep to my window and a loud 'CRASH' almost knocks my signed picture of The Fonz off the mantle. Apparently, a door had been busted down. MY door. To MY house. Again!
'Stupid, stupid idiots. I'll have the cops here in 5 minutes to wipe the floor with these morons', I think to myself.
I pick up my phone and dial 9-1-1.
'Hello, Hibernian Emergency Service'.
'Yeah. Someone is breaking my door down. I think they are trying to kidnap me.'
'Okay, sir, and where are you located?'
'Jesus, H - every time I call you people you ask me that. Don't you have this on record? I'm at Dagda.'
'Is that Dun Dagda, sir?'
'How many other Dagdas do you know of? Yes. Oh, crap. I think they just broke down another door.'
'Okay sir, do you know how many of them are there?'
'How about I open the door and ask them? NO, I DON'T KNOW. And, why does it matter. People are beating down my door. I don't care if it's one or one thousand, I better see Elves and Celts by the droves soon.'
'Yes, sir, I'm dispatching a few groups now.'
'The idiots you have posted on my block now are already dead. Some dude named "Saracen" keeps killing them. I just caught a peep of him and he THERE HE GOES AGAIN.'
'Sir, I need you to calm down while I get some more information.'
'What more do you need? I'm at Dagda. People are breaking apart my home. Do I need to be on fire before someone gets here?'
'No sir. People should be there soon'
'Ahh, someone just got here. Wait - you sent a Firby? I'm doomed.'
'Sir, I request all that are available to come to your aid.'
'Whatever. I gotta go. Thanks for whatever you did.'
Some help she was.
A few people dressed in cool outfits showed up, but by that time, there were people all the courtyard - tall, lanky dudes blowing up stuff, little guys that looked like they hadn't bathed in weeks, and guys in skirts. These guys are kidnappers? Looks like a cabaret show. Then again, I'm have smurfs and people with heads the size of the moon coming to protect me, so I guess I don't have much room to talk.
Long story short, I got kidnapped by one of the smelly guys I was talking about. He snatched me up, some skirt wearing freak snatched up the Horn, and they ran off.
Well, rather, tried to. No idea at the time what happened to the Horn, but Stinky (as I have named him) had me running all kinds of directions when, suddenly, he stopped and dropped me.
Seems someone smacked him silly.
'Haha, stupid rat', I mused about Stinky.
I sat yelling for help for quite some time until someone came along and scooped me up.
'Sweet, my rescue squad', I said. 'Thanks pal'.
'Shaddup', he stated. Then, he began running the wrong way! 'Yo, dude, I live the other way', I said.
'You're coming with me', he muttered. 'To my house'.
Great - another dumbass kidnapper. I thought this guy looked a bit odd. He's running at the pace of a rock and he's going the wrong way. Luckily, this didn't last long, as my 911 call was FINALLY heeded and the Hibernian Emergency Task Force found him. They escorted me back to my broken home.
'Ahh, home at last. Wonder where Horn went. Weird being here alone.'
BAM BAM BAM BAM. They were at it again. I JUST fixed the damn doors, and here they come again. Naturally, I call 911 again.
'Hello, Hibernian Emergency Service'.
'Hi. Me again. In Dagda. They're back.'
'Sir?'
'The people breaking down my doors. They are back.'
'Sir, we were just out there. Your doors are ...'
'Being broken. That's what my doors are. Crap, here they come again. Lady, please get somegggghhh'
My call was cut short. Here's Stinky for another go-around.
'Stinky, dude, just go home', I told him.
Silence. He totally ignored me. Bish. What do these idiots have against me.
This time, he runs me at warp speed though tons of trees, and I'm lost. No clue where we are. He approaches some big house, not unlike mine, but looks different - like it wasn't made out of sticks and mud over the course of three hours. We get inside and he puts me in this room.
'Sup dog'.
It's Horn. He's here, too. Along with the Staff.
'Hey guys - what's going on here?'
'Figgered we'd hang at my place for a bit. No offense, but your house got boring', said Staff.
'Hey, no problem. I'm cool with that. Wish you had let me know, though. And, next time, get a better cab driver than Stinky over there.'
So, that's the story. I'll be hanging out here for a while.
If you want to come visit, make sure you bring a lot of friends, because these guys here are crazy.
Hey, and can you spare a sweater? It's FREEZING up here.
Credits to Khaal from Igraine for this wonderful story:
So, I'm sitting in my house, quiety enjoying a game of backgammon with the Horn of Valhalla when quite a commotion begins brewing outside my door.
'wtf, are the guards drunk again?', I ask the Horn.
'dunno, but it can't be any worse than the dwarves outside my mountain cabin', states the Horn.
I creep to my window and a loud 'CRASH' almost knocks my signed picture of The Fonz off the mantle. Apparently, a door had been busted down. MY door. To MY house. Again!
'Stupid, stupid idiots. I'll have the cops here in 5 minutes to wipe the floor with these morons', I think to myself.
I pick up my phone and dial 9-1-1.
'Hello, Hibernian Emergency Service'.
'Yeah. Someone is breaking my door down. I think they are trying to kidnap me.'
'Okay, sir, and where are you located?'
'Jesus, H - every time I call you people you ask me that. Don't you have this on record? I'm at Dagda.'
'Is that Dun Dagda, sir?'
'How many other Dagdas do you know of? Yes. Oh, crap. I think they just broke down another door.'
'Okay sir, do you know how many of them are there?'
'How about I open the door and ask them? NO, I DON'T KNOW. And, why does it matter. People are beating down my door. I don't care if it's one or one thousand, I better see Elves and Celts by the droves soon.'
'Yes, sir, I'm dispatching a few groups now.'
'The idiots you have posted on my block now are already dead. Some dude named "Saracen" keeps killing them. I just caught a peep of him and he THERE HE GOES AGAIN.'
'Sir, I need you to calm down while I get some more information.'
'What more do you need? I'm at Dagda. People are breaking apart my home. Do I need to be on fire before someone gets here?'
'No sir. People should be there soon'
'Ahh, someone just got here. Wait - you sent a Firby? I'm doomed.'
'Sir, I request all that are available to come to your aid.'
'Whatever. I gotta go. Thanks for whatever you did.'
Some help she was.
A few people dressed in cool outfits showed up, but by that time, there were people all the courtyard - tall, lanky dudes blowing up stuff, little guys that looked like they hadn't bathed in weeks, and guys in skirts. These guys are kidnappers? Looks like a cabaret show. Then again, I'm have smurfs and people with heads the size of the moon coming to protect me, so I guess I don't have much room to talk.
Long story short, I got kidnapped by one of the smelly guys I was talking about. He snatched me up, some skirt wearing freak snatched up the Horn, and they ran off.
Well, rather, tried to. No idea at the time what happened to the Horn, but Stinky (as I have named him) had me running all kinds of directions when, suddenly, he stopped and dropped me.
Seems someone smacked him silly.
'Haha, stupid rat', I mused about Stinky.
I sat yelling for help for quite some time until someone came along and scooped me up.
'Sweet, my rescue squad', I said. 'Thanks pal'.
'Shaddup', he stated. Then, he began running the wrong way! 'Yo, dude, I live the other way', I said.
'You're coming with me', he muttered. 'To my house'.
Great - another dumbass kidnapper. I thought this guy looked a bit odd. He's running at the pace of a rock and he's going the wrong way. Luckily, this didn't last long, as my 911 call was FINALLY heeded and the Hibernian Emergency Task Force found him. They escorted me back to my broken home.
'Ahh, home at last. Wonder where Horn went. Weird being here alone.'
BAM BAM BAM BAM. They were at it again. I JUST fixed the damn doors, and here they come again. Naturally, I call 911 again.
'Hello, Hibernian Emergency Service'.
'Hi. Me again. In Dagda. They're back.'
'Sir?'
'The people breaking down my doors. They are back.'
'Sir, we were just out there. Your doors are ...'
'Being broken. That's what my doors are. Crap, here they come again. Lady, please get somegggghhh'
My call was cut short. Here's Stinky for another go-around.
'Stinky, dude, just go home', I told him.
Silence. He totally ignored me. Bish. What do these idiots have against me.
This time, he runs me at warp speed though tons of trees, and I'm lost. No clue where we are. He approaches some big house, not unlike mine, but looks different - like it wasn't made out of sticks and mud over the course of three hours. We get inside and he puts me in this room.
'Sup dog'.
It's Horn. He's here, too. Along with the Staff.
'Hey guys - what's going on here?'
'Figgered we'd hang at my place for a bit. No offense, but your house got boring', said Staff.
'Hey, no problem. I'm cool with that. Wish you had let me know, though. And, next time, get a better cab driver than Stinky over there.'
So, that's the story. I'll be hanging out here for a while.
If you want to come visit, make sure you bring a lot of friends, because these guys here are crazy.
Hey, and can you spare a sweater? It's FREEZING up here.
:great: