A
G
gengi
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- #2
And another Nun Joke
Two priests
> >
> > Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and
> > step in the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John
> > says
> > he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He
> > grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the
> > showers.
> >
> > He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
> >
> > Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like
> > he's a statue.
> >
> > The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun
> > suddenly
> > reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of
> > soap.
> >
> > "Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."
> >
> > To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood ... sure
> > enough he drops the other bar of soap.
> >
> > The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and
> > three
> > times but nothing happens. So she gives one last, despairing tug the
> > yells ... "Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion!
A
Arnor
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- #3
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."
-Silverhood
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."
-Silverhood
A
Arnor
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- #4
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped.
The Frenchman was thinking: ‘That bloody Englishman must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The Frenchman must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.’
And the Englishman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.’
-Embattle
The Frenchman was thinking: ‘That bloody Englishman must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The Frenchman must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.’
And the Englishman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.’
-Embattle
A
Arnor
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- #5
G
Gef
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- #6
Oy stop stealin jokes from the general forums
G
Gef
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- #7
A
Annouk
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- #8
I'm tired. Yes, I'm tired. For several years I've been blaming it on Teen Age, poor circulation, air pollution, dieting, under arm odour, hormones, lack of vitamins, yellow build up in the corners of my eyes, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is worth living. But I found it isn't any of that at all. I'm tired because I'm overworked. If the population of this country is 51 million, and 21 million are retired. That leaves 30 million to do the work. There are 19 million in school, that leaves 11 million to do the work. 2 million are unemployed and 4 million are employed by the Government. That leaves 5 million to do the work. 1 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work. 3 million are employed by County and Borough Councils, leaving 1 million to do the work. There are 620,000 people in hospitals and 379,998 in prison, which leaves just TWO people to do the work. YOU and me!! And you're sitting on your bloody arse reading this! It's no wonder I'm so bloody tired.
A
Arnor
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- #9
Originally posted by Gef
Oy stop stealin jokes from the general forums
its all a part of my brilliant li'll scheme
1. steal jokes
2.
3. profits
or sumt, now begone before I infect you with daocitis
O
old.Tohtori
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- #10
Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!!
Oh and Menchi rules.
Oh and Menchi rules.
S
Serbitar
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- #11
One day a streaker ran through a convent.
The Mother Superior had a stroke.
The other nuns weren't close enough.
The Mother Superior had a stroke.
The other nuns weren't close enough.
O
old.Tohtori
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- Thread starter
- #12
Seel brings a joke too:
Right Now.
Right Now.
H
Harhr
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- #13
Ten swedish men were standing in a queue. One of them farted, who was it?
- The last one, because he was the only one who didn't have a penis stuck up his arse.
Another one:
A swedish magician is on a tour in Finland. He wants a free volunteer from the public. He then asks the guy to bend down so his ass is pointing towards the magician. Then the magician asks the finnish volunteer - Doesn't this feel like i got my thumb stuck up in your arse?
Yeah, the finnish guy answers.
But look! - says the swedish magician, I'm swinging my hands in the air as we speak!
- The last one, because he was the only one who didn't have a penis stuck up his arse.
Another one:
A swedish magician is on a tour in Finland. He wants a free volunteer from the public. He then asks the guy to bend down so his ass is pointing towards the magician. Then the magician asks the finnish volunteer - Doesn't this feel like i got my thumb stuck up in your arse?
Yeah, the finnish guy answers.
But look! - says the swedish magician, I'm swinging my hands in the air as we speak!
A
Arnor
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- Thread starter
- #14
K
krait
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- #15
Two Trolls sat on the pad for Emain........
First says :
"This match wo'nt light"
Second says :
"What's the matter with it ? "
First says :
"Dunno, worked the first time."
First says :
"This match wo'nt light"
Second says :
"What's the matter with it ? "
First says :
"Dunno, worked the first time."
B
Bellona
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- #16
omg krait.. thats teh shit
S
Sharma
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- #17
/me giggles irl
A
Aoami
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- #18
M
makgsnake
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- #19
O
old.Normengast
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- #20
I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?
<<<===>>>
Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.
<<<===>>>
It is well known...
Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.
<<<===>>>
Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"
<<<===>>>
And last one to maintain the level of this thread:
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
<<<===>>>
Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.
<<<===>>>
It is well known...
Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.
<<<===>>>
Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"
<<<===>>>
And last one to maintain the level of this thread:
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
M
Mid - Kirinia
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- Thread starter
- #21
My God that's crap
F
Flesh
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- #22
How do you fit four blondes on a bar stool?
Turn it upside down.
Turn it upside down.
O
old.Normengast
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- #23
Everything is relative Kirinia. It just depends on how drunk you are.
T
Trahg
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- #24
*walks of and gives harhr a discomfortable surgery in the chest with a rather blunt and rusty spoon*
T
Trahg
Guest
- Thread starter
- #25
Yupp, she'll prolly do good as a stew some day
A
Arnor
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- #26
oh teh PUNISHMENT!
O
old.Tohtori
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- #27
Originally posted by Trahg
Yupp, she'll prolly do good as a stew some day
Tragh you rule
Soemone knew atleast.