The Ordeal of Fruit
Two men shipwrecked on an island are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the 'Ordeal of Fruit'. The men accept at once, and the chief sends them into the jungle to collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him.
The first man comes back with 100 grapes. The chief says that if he can shove all the grapes up his arse without giggling then he will be free. But no sooner has the first grape reached his butt then the man bursts out laughing. 'What's so funny?' the chief asks. 'Don't you realize we're going to kill you now?'
'I'm sorry'. the sailor replies. 'It's just that my friend is collecting pineapples.'
The accommodating wife
A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the lads to the joys of copulation. Her friend tells her that to win his love she must make more effort. She advises her to cook a slap-up meal and then sen him drinking with his pals down the pub. When he returns she must be dressed in her naughtiest lingerie and look her most beautiful.
The following evening, she does exactly as instructed and is dressed to kill by the time her husband returns. When he sees her lying on the bed in all her gear, he tells to stand up and take it all off. He then tells her to do a handstand against the bathroom mirror and open her legs. This excites the woman immensely, as her husband has never been this erotic before. She does as instructed, and then he puts his face between her legs, faces the mirror and says, 'No, no ... Maybe the lads are right. A beard wouldn't suit me'.
Is that a frog in your pocket ...?
A man surveys the women in a nightclub, picks out the most attractive, and takes a seat next to her at the bar. He uses all his best lines, but gets nowher. Finally, he reaches into his pocket, takes out a small box, and pulls a frog out of it.
'Cute'. says the woman. 'Is that a pet?'
The man smiled. 'Yes, and he's good at doing tricks too'.
'Like what?'
'He eats pussy. Come back to my place and I'll prove it to you ...'
Once in the bedroom, the girl strips off and puts the frog between her legs.
The frog doesn't move. After a couple of minutes the woman looks at the immobile frog, and finally demands, 'Well?'
The man shakes his head sorrowfully, picks up the frog, and says. 'Okay, you idiot, I'm ony going to show you one more time'.
Size does matter
Three men are marooned on a desert island desperately seeking a way to get off. A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises put together is as big as mine, then I'll show you a way to get off the island', he says. 'But otherwise you'll be killed and eaten'.
The native's love muscle was a staggering 20 inches. The first man got his out, and it was 10 inches. The second man produced a 9-inch knob. Realizing they only needed 1 inch to go, the first two men were quietly confident. The third got his penis out, and it was only 1 inch long.
After some tense calculations, the native says, 'Okay, you've equalled the length of my penis. I have a boat which you can use to escape'.
While sailing away on the boat, the first man says to the other two, 'You're lucky I've got a 10-inch penis'.
And the second says, 'You're lucky I've got a 9-inch penis'.
To which the third man replies, 'And you're lucky I had an erection'.
Anul intruder
One day a man has a terrible stomach complaint and goes along to his doctor to see what can be done about it. The doctor tells him that he is very ill, but that he can cure his condition with a course of suppositories, inserted deep into his arse every six hours.
'Right', says the doctor, 'bend over and i'll do the first one for you'. The man bends down and the doctor sticks the suppository deep into his hole. He then gives the man his course and sends him home.
At home six hours later the man realizes that he can't stick the suppository far enough up his arse on his own, and he asks his wife to help him insert the slippery bullet. AFter explaining to her what to do the man bends over.
His wife puts one hand on her husband's shoulder to brace herself and thrusts the suppository really hard into his arse. To her horror, the man lets out a desperate, blood-curdling scream.
'My God!' she cries. 'What's the matter? Have I hurt you?'
'No,' replies the man. 'But I've just realized that when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders'.
Drop 'em!
With his elderly wife, Bill the pensioner goes to the doctor for his annual physical. AFter testing him with the stethoscope, the physician turns to him. 'Well, Bill', he says. 'You seem fine but I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample'.
Hard of hearing, Bill turns look at his wife. 'What did he say?' he yells.
His wife bellows back: 'He said he needs your underwear'.
Natural reaction
On walking into his local, Dave sees his mate Jeff looking depressed at the bar, and asks him what's wrong.
'Well', replies Jeff, 'You know that gorgeous girl at work? The one who gives me an erection every time I saw her?'
'Yes', replies Dave with a smile.
'Well', says Jeff, straightening up, 'I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed'.
'That's great!' says Dave, 'when are you going out?'
'I went to meet her this evening', continues Jeff, 'I was worried about getting a hard-on so i taped my todger to my leg, so it wouldn't show. But when i got to her house she was wearing the sheerest tiniest dress you ever saw'.
'And what happended then?' asked Dave.
Jeff huddles over the bar again. 'I kicked her in the face'.
Ucallme Wotulike 50 warrior RR4L5
Amphrax Venom 50 shadowblade RR4L1
Two men shipwrecked on an island are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the 'Ordeal of Fruit'. The men accept at once, and the chief sends them into the jungle to collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him.
The first man comes back with 100 grapes. The chief says that if he can shove all the grapes up his arse without giggling then he will be free. But no sooner has the first grape reached his butt then the man bursts out laughing. 'What's so funny?' the chief asks. 'Don't you realize we're going to kill you now?'
'I'm sorry'. the sailor replies. 'It's just that my friend is collecting pineapples.'
The accommodating wife
A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the lads to the joys of copulation. Her friend tells her that to win his love she must make more effort. She advises her to cook a slap-up meal and then sen him drinking with his pals down the pub. When he returns she must be dressed in her naughtiest lingerie and look her most beautiful.
The following evening, she does exactly as instructed and is dressed to kill by the time her husband returns. When he sees her lying on the bed in all her gear, he tells to stand up and take it all off. He then tells her to do a handstand against the bathroom mirror and open her legs. This excites the woman immensely, as her husband has never been this erotic before. She does as instructed, and then he puts his face between her legs, faces the mirror and says, 'No, no ... Maybe the lads are right. A beard wouldn't suit me'.
Is that a frog in your pocket ...?
A man surveys the women in a nightclub, picks out the most attractive, and takes a seat next to her at the bar. He uses all his best lines, but gets nowher. Finally, he reaches into his pocket, takes out a small box, and pulls a frog out of it.
'Cute'. says the woman. 'Is that a pet?'
The man smiled. 'Yes, and he's good at doing tricks too'.
'Like what?'
'He eats pussy. Come back to my place and I'll prove it to you ...'
Once in the bedroom, the girl strips off and puts the frog between her legs.
The frog doesn't move. After a couple of minutes the woman looks at the immobile frog, and finally demands, 'Well?'
The man shakes his head sorrowfully, picks up the frog, and says. 'Okay, you idiot, I'm ony going to show you one more time'.
Size does matter
Three men are marooned on a desert island desperately seeking a way to get off. A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises put together is as big as mine, then I'll show you a way to get off the island', he says. 'But otherwise you'll be killed and eaten'.
The native's love muscle was a staggering 20 inches. The first man got his out, and it was 10 inches. The second man produced a 9-inch knob. Realizing they only needed 1 inch to go, the first two men were quietly confident. The third got his penis out, and it was only 1 inch long.
After some tense calculations, the native says, 'Okay, you've equalled the length of my penis. I have a boat which you can use to escape'.
While sailing away on the boat, the first man says to the other two, 'You're lucky I've got a 10-inch penis'.
And the second says, 'You're lucky I've got a 9-inch penis'.
To which the third man replies, 'And you're lucky I had an erection'.
Anul intruder
One day a man has a terrible stomach complaint and goes along to his doctor to see what can be done about it. The doctor tells him that he is very ill, but that he can cure his condition with a course of suppositories, inserted deep into his arse every six hours.
'Right', says the doctor, 'bend over and i'll do the first one for you'. The man bends down and the doctor sticks the suppository deep into his hole. He then gives the man his course and sends him home.
At home six hours later the man realizes that he can't stick the suppository far enough up his arse on his own, and he asks his wife to help him insert the slippery bullet. AFter explaining to her what to do the man bends over.
His wife puts one hand on her husband's shoulder to brace herself and thrusts the suppository really hard into his arse. To her horror, the man lets out a desperate, blood-curdling scream.
'My God!' she cries. 'What's the matter? Have I hurt you?'
'No,' replies the man. 'But I've just realized that when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders'.
Drop 'em!
With his elderly wife, Bill the pensioner goes to the doctor for his annual physical. AFter testing him with the stethoscope, the physician turns to him. 'Well, Bill', he says. 'You seem fine but I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample'.
Hard of hearing, Bill turns look at his wife. 'What did he say?' he yells.
His wife bellows back: 'He said he needs your underwear'.
Natural reaction
On walking into his local, Dave sees his mate Jeff looking depressed at the bar, and asks him what's wrong.
'Well', replies Jeff, 'You know that gorgeous girl at work? The one who gives me an erection every time I saw her?'
'Yes', replies Dave with a smile.
'Well', says Jeff, straightening up, 'I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed'.
'That's great!' says Dave, 'when are you going out?'
'I went to meet her this evening', continues Jeff, 'I was worried about getting a hard-on so i taped my todger to my leg, so it wouldn't show. But when i got to her house she was wearing the sheerest tiniest dress you ever saw'.
'And what happended then?' asked Dave.
Jeff huddles over the bar again. 'I kicked her in the face'.
Ucallme Wotulike 50 warrior RR4L5
Amphrax Venom 50 shadowblade RR4L1
