According to the song by Paul Simon there is 50 ways to leave your lover, getting off the bus Gus, dropping off the key Lee and slipping out the back Jack are a few of them but the whole song lists about 8 at most (and the ways listed are a tad dull) so here are a few I've thought of, feel free to add your own (if you can be bothered) and let us see if we can reach 50.
Ways to leave your lover.....
1) handcuffed naked to the bed, if your not leaving them for good its always nice to return home from a hard day at work to the sight of a naked shackled person who is at your mercy (that or a cuppa tea, both nice to come home to)
2) leave them rushing to the toilet after adding some exlax to the dinner, when they are safely ensconced on the throne leave quietly safe in the knowledge you have all the house holds supply of toilet paper in your back pack (this is reccomended for leaving the cheating lover)
3) leave them after sewing prawns in to the hem of the curtains, or (something i actually did, but to an evil landlord not lover) if they have one of those polystyrene (sp?) false ceilings lob a couple of frozen chicken pieces up there, theyll never find em and the smell will drive them mental.
4) kissing them gently and wishing them a good day send them off to work with the word "Twat" written in big letters (preferably in perminant marker) on the back of their neck, then pack asap and get the hell outta dodge.
5) Hire a man (as big as possible) to lay next to them when they are in a drunken stuper and squirt a tube of deep heat up their arse, they'll wake wondering what the hell happened last night?? but never able to ask.
6) If you discover your loved one has been off sowing their wild oats bide your time and hire a small child to run up to them when they are meeting with their mistress/mister yelling "I escaped!! you didnt think I could but now Im going to social services, you never should have gotten custodardy you monster!"
7) Along those lines knock up a copy of a letter from the local clap clinic and leave it among the condoms in the bedside cabenet "we are sorry to say your test results came back positive we urge you not to have sexual relations untill your condition has been treated" etc etc.
8) If your the one being left, dont cry or do anything sappy like that when you are delivered the sad news, just smile brightly and make your parting words "well i just won the jackpot on the lotto, have a nice life" and leave them choking.
Well theres 8 I think Mr.Simon was being a bit ambitious when he stated there were 50 ways, If you have any other ideas (maybe from RL experience) lets see if we can hit 50!
Disclaimer: FAO anyone actually finding themselves being left in any of the above mentioned situations, they would have left you anyway!! dont blame meh!
Ways to leave your lover.....
1) handcuffed naked to the bed, if your not leaving them for good its always nice to return home from a hard day at work to the sight of a naked shackled person who is at your mercy (that or a cuppa tea, both nice to come home to)
2) leave them rushing to the toilet after adding some exlax to the dinner, when they are safely ensconced on the throne leave quietly safe in the knowledge you have all the house holds supply of toilet paper in your back pack (this is reccomended for leaving the cheating lover)
3) leave them after sewing prawns in to the hem of the curtains, or (something i actually did, but to an evil landlord not lover) if they have one of those polystyrene (sp?) false ceilings lob a couple of frozen chicken pieces up there, theyll never find em and the smell will drive them mental.
4) kissing them gently and wishing them a good day send them off to work with the word "Twat" written in big letters (preferably in perminant marker) on the back of their neck, then pack asap and get the hell outta dodge.
5) Hire a man (as big as possible) to lay next to them when they are in a drunken stuper and squirt a tube of deep heat up their arse, they'll wake wondering what the hell happened last night?? but never able to ask.
6) If you discover your loved one has been off sowing their wild oats bide your time and hire a small child to run up to them when they are meeting with their mistress/mister yelling "I escaped!! you didnt think I could but now Im going to social services, you never should have gotten custodardy you monster!"
7) Along those lines knock up a copy of a letter from the local clap clinic and leave it among the condoms in the bedside cabenet "we are sorry to say your test results came back positive we urge you not to have sexual relations untill your condition has been treated" etc etc.
8) If your the one being left, dont cry or do anything sappy like that when you are delivered the sad news, just smile brightly and make your parting words "well i just won the jackpot on the lotto, have a nice life" and leave them choking.
Well theres 8 I think Mr.Simon was being a bit ambitious when he stated there were 50 ways, If you have any other ideas (maybe from RL experience) lets see if we can hit 50!
Disclaimer: FAO anyone actually finding themselves being left in any of the above mentioned situations, they would have left you anyway!! dont blame meh!
