Economic models - explained with cows

[throdgrain]

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot and block the roads because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vod ka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ######## out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks kinda cute.

[dysfunction]

This is even older than you throd...

[PLightstar]

That model makes alot of sense, could have done with that back when I did business A-Level.

[Chilly]

very good tho

[Scouse]

yep.. all apart from:

Originally Posted by throdgrain

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Should be:

You have two cows.
Bulls are expensive so you sell one and get a loan from a bank at extortionate interest. Milk is cheap because of everyone trying to do the same so you end up making just enough money to live in slavery to the bank forever...

[rynnor]

Originally Posted by Scouse

yep.. all apart from:



Should be:

You have two cows.
Bulls are expensive so you sell one and get a loan from a bank at extortionate interest. Milk is cheap because of everyone trying to do the same so you end up making just enough money to live in slavery to the bank forever...

Communist!!

But seriously I feel you may be right in detecting a very slight bias towards one particular system

[Scouse]

Originally Posted by rynnor

Communist!!

But seriously I feel you may be right in detecting a very slight bias towards one particular system

You didn't do too well at English comprehension then. No bias towards something there

I'm biased against capitalism 'cause it's a big pile-o-wank. However, I'm definately not a commie. We just haven't come up with something better yet - and I'm pretty sure if people put their heads together we could come up with more than just two of systems of government...

[Chilly]

Market > Scouse

[rynnor]

Originally Posted by Scouse

You didn't do too well at English comprehension then. No bias towards something there

Huh? Bias –verb (used with object) 9. to cause partiality or favoritism in (a person); influence, esp. unfairly: a tearful plea designed to bias the jury.

How was I wrong? You havent been reading Eats Shites n Leaves have you?

[Sparx]

haha brilliant

[Scouse]

Originally Posted by Chilly

Market > Scouse

You can seriously say that with a straight face when fuckloads of YOUR tax is going to pay the debts that the MARKET ran up.

It's not as if the NHS, schools, the elderly, the poor or, god forbid, YOU could do with that money eh?

Originally Posted by rynnor

How was I wrong?

Erm - because you implied I was biased "towards one particular system". I pointed out I wasn't biased towards either of the two - in fact I was against both of them...

...although I admit to an inappropriate use of language to illustrate my point

[pez]

Originally Posted by Scouse

Erm - because you implied I was biased "towards one particular system". I pointed out I wasn't biased towards either of the two - in fact I was against both of them...

...although I admit to an inappropriate use of language to illustrate my point

He actually implied a bias of the article in favour of capitalism

Originally Posted by throdgrain

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

That one made me laugh the most for some reason and i didn't understand the NZ one :/

[Fweddy]

The surrealist economy sounds good. Where's the nearest one of those?

[Scouse]

Originally Posted by pez

He actually implied a bias of the article in favour of capitalism

OK. Hands up, I'm thick. That'll teach me to start drinking when the pubs open...

...or maybe not