Untitled

[Mey]

[I'll be adding to this all summer, so far i have 20 pages of A4 just need to upload them, opinons would be welcomed going to see if i can get into the writing business - i so want my name on a book.. J.R. Armstrong.. (its almost like tolkien!) cheers for reading my story - yes its not DAOC centre but still fantasy

//mey]

"The bells of the manor house shrieked and cut through the dark night, it was not an unusually occurrence in place such as Eastport. But this night was different something was different. The bells were hard and fierce as if powered by the God’s themselves they rang in unisons and ushered in a night of dread, tonight something big had happened, something that even the eldest of the elderly had not seen or heard about.

Guards and hounds raced through the poorly lit streets searching for something, the hounds dripping with sweat from the Midsummer heat were only motivated to search crazily. In and out they weaved through the alleyways searching for something or someone. The guards pounded hard on the wooden doors of the houses they passed shouting and screaming for the populace to awake and join the search, it was obvious that something significant had happened.

Crouched in a secluded alleyway, a young boy waiting anxiously for his moment to make his escape breathed in deeply, aided by the cloud cover it was as if he was invisible. He moved with annoyance, tired of holding his position hidden. The light of the guard’s lateens shining every now and again down the alleyway he believed that this time he’d surely be caught. The sound of the bells let out and silence descended upon the port save for the odd bark and yelp. The boy let out a sigh of relieve ‘they’ve given up, fools, it’s finally over.’

Still crouched the boy shook his head vigorously, “stay awake stay alert” he mumbled. After a few moments of tranquil silence the distinct sound of moving began to pick up from down the alleyway. Shuffling feet and heavy breathing, the boy held his position with baited breath."

[Adlatus Hellbringer]

I think with some editing and some changing of words (i.e. the eldest of the elderly... surely they are just the eldest? and... the night was different something was different ... just say something was different ;p) it would b a little better.

However you build up the picture really well and u want to know who the boy is and what is going to happen to him

Give more ;p

[Mey]

haha ye, i tend to re-word stuff after i've posted it I've got a few more pages to type up, but with the blinding heat at the moment i can't be arsed.

[old.Tohtori]

Originally Posted by Mey

J.R. Armstrong..

Or porn!

J. Ramstrong ain't half bad for a name

I don't like overpainting in stuff, but it's a nice read.