Randon Acts of Kindness

I have a weird problem where I just cannot help myself when it comes to being kind. I aren't a happy person, I am fucking miserable but I hate to upset anyone or see anyone struggle. I have never said "fuck 'em". I have absoultely no idea where this fetish comes from, it doesn't even make me feel warm and smug inside.

The people who live across the road from us are dog lovers like us. Their dog of 16 years died the other week, they were devastated obviously but they keep coming over and seeing me asking for advice. What am I meant to say to them, they think I am some kind of expert because my beloved dog died a couple of years ago but in all honesty I don't want to talk about that. So anyway the guy asks me if I can do them a favour, his wifes father needed his Sky setting up so he can watch Sky and record off normal telly. I of course say "yeah no problem". So on Monday off I trot to do his telly, they live in a huge bungalow in a posh area so I wasn't dreading the experience really.

I get there and ring the bell, 3 minutes later a man in maybe his late 50s early 60s answers the door, luckily I had my eyes open because if they were closed I would of thought I was having a dirty phone call. He sounded like a cross between a pig and a seagull. He is an ex miner and has empha...emfa....lung problems.

He slowly lead me to where his huge telly is and I sit right in front of it on the floor.....so does he, right next to me...grunting. Off I go, I remove all the cables and set it up as I see fit, still no joy, he gets up for a piss, I try again as I listen to him pissing and snorting, still no joy. This process went on for 4 hours....yes four hours, messing, grunting, pissing for four fucking hours "oh I have just had my water tablet he happily tells me".

I couldn't help but notice how fucking dusty the house was and I also couldn't help thinking if the mines didn't get him the dust mites would.

7 years ago a Jehovas Witness knocked on our house, I didn't say what I have always wanted to say to them "Jehovas Witness, why whats happened?" I instead greated him with a smile and listened to his stories about fairies and goblins. To this day he still calls, always when you are busy or expecting a parcel (so you have to answer). I have even sent my son to the front hall (when Samm answers obviously) to shout "SATAN" and the last time I sent him to ask mummy "is that jebus?" none of this has any affect on him although yesterday when he called he did say "oh" when I answered.

I have just come back from our local shop, I went to get beer, thats all. As I walked towards the 97 year old shop keeper another woman walked in and it was neck and neck for who shold be at the till first, me being me said to her "you go first" she said "are you sure" I nodded. She walks to the till and says "£10 on my O2 card please" my heart fucking sank, the shopkeeper can only just use the till and even then it takes 12 minutes to ring my beer through. After 2 awful songs on the local radio station that is always playing in the shop I started to fume...but oh wait shes done it! The woman in front of me then said "and £5 on my Vodafone card please" I haven't puckered my arse so hard since Samm tried to find my g-spot and I am quite sure I have broke some teeth by grinding and I am damn sure I have whiplash from shaking my head so hard.

If I wasn't so nice I would of rabbit punched her but I let it go.