Useless?

Once again, I'm attacking my FH blog with a thought I just had while wondering around my flat looking for nothing in particular. Just got me thinking about how useful I actually am, thinking about it and really thinking about it, I'm not really. I mean, everyone usually has some sort of skill, everyone usually has some sort of use and I can't honestly see where mine is. Everyone sort of knows what they want to do and stick to it and become really good at it, and that's where I'm sort of puzzled.

I mean, everyone assumes I've allways wanted to be in computing (Mainly because I know how to turn one on and off without breaking a sweat) but that has not allways been true, but due to lazyness I've not actually accomplished anything that I think is worthwhile, if I did well in school in the past, I'd of tried to go into the medical feild, probably a pathologist... That fell through the floora long time ago so I refocused on computing. (I enjoy it)

Now I'm honestly at a point where I'm thinking "Why do I bother?" and "Is it worth it?" - I don't think I'm particularly good in computing, but people have said otherwise. I can't write code (I can make it clean), my database stuff sucks (imo), my hardware knowledge has vanished, I keep jumping into new things (3D Animation/Modelling is my current thing) and I'm going insane.

I mean, I've done it through education for the last few years and my grades have gone from getting me "Student of Year" in IT, and just about passing to where I need it. (My A-Level/BTEC stuff gets me EXACTLY what I need to get into uni, I was lazy but got the grade) - But that means nothing really does it? I mean, the programming stuff I found the most fun and enjoyed it. I learnt how to subnet, put a local network together, learn the basics of doing WANs (I've got 3 CCNA manuals in my kitchen doing nothing) and I've got 1 1/2 over 4 CCNA quals (I fucked up final exam on first, got the grade for 2nd, but I didn't get the cert.. o_O) but once again.. Pointless?

What the hell am I good at? I see myself "better than" end user/first line support. Second line sounds dull and Third Line sounds something interesting (Specialising in a particular problem/feild) and I'd go to that, but I don't know if I'm good enough. I don't know if I have skills. I mean, I've spoken to professionals IRL and managed to speak on their level about what they do, and helping them with issues (which I've been right about) on a higher level than I assume I could, but.. I don't think it's good enough.

Once again referencing the uni thing... 4 years there, 1 year in work. One year experience in the real world? Online experience means nothing..OMG I controlled a team of 15, means nothing. I kept a schedule, means nothing. Only IRL stuff means something and that's where I lack. I mean, I'd honestly like to get stuck in something where I feel like my mind is being used and where I'm applying everything I know, and learning stuff. But I like education too much; which; I don't think will offer THAT much of "real world experience". Is bizzare. Everyone goes through school for what? To learn basic skills? How the hell are you meant to succeed in life? I've got no idea. Meh, it's shit.

I'd like (eventually) to be in a position where people come to me for help, where my level of knowledge is greater than theirs.. But how do I accomplish this? Do I read and become a walking manual? Do I spend hours just researching? I know it's boring, but I think it's what I've got to do. Stick me in a project which counts for something (giving basic help) and I'll eventually shine, it's how I seem to work. I don't know, I really don't know.

Don't expect much feedback, so =<


O&O

O.D.